Stay or Run
by rizzles-ff
Summary: AU fic. Based on what happened towards the end of Season 2, Brittany and Santana grew apart, but now they meet again. Will it be for good, or will Santana run away from the one person who managed to break her heart?
1. Chapter 1: Hello Again

**Disclaimer: **Definitely not mine. If they were mine, Glee would be all about Brittana, trust me.

**Author's Note: **This is an AU fix, based on some of the things that happened around the end of Season 2. Enjoy!

**~2011~**

"Can I ask you a question?", Brittany S. Pierce asked as she leaned against the locker, facing Santana Lopez. "We used to be really close and I really miss being your friend," she said shyly as her best friend, or ex best friend, avoided her gaze.

"Still waiting for the question," Santana replied dryly, not really feeling like talking to her right now. Or anytime soon for the matter.

"Did I do something wrong?" Brittany asked innocently. She really couldn't figure out exactly what had happened. She didn't understand why, after saying she loved her, Santana was acting so mean and cold.

"I honestly don't know what I was thinking," Santana said, almost as if she had read her thoughts at that exact same moment. Or maybe it had something to do with the fact that she had voiced the question out loud.

Those words hurt more than anything Brittany had experienced before. She had been so happy when Santana had declared her love, even though she couldn't be with her at the moment. It didn't seem fair to hurt Artie like that. He had been a really nice guy to her and he didn't deserve it, that's why she couldn't do anything, not because she didn't love Santana back. It just wasn't the right moment.

Days passed and things were still weird between them. Brittany tried many times to reconnect with Santana, but she only kept pushing her away. The few times she got her to really talk about what had happened, it only ended up making things worse. Brittany didn't know what to do anymore.

One day, she heard Santana being interviewed. It was a day that marked the before and after of their friendship.

"So, you two are in looove?" Jacob asked her, referring to her relationship with Karofsky. "Soul mates so to speak?"

Santana was aware Brittany was listening to every word she said. She replied, looking at her straight in the eyes. "Yeah," she answered, "I'd say that was accurate," she finished as she walked away, not looking back.

Brittany felt that same pain again, deep in her. It hurt her stomach, she felt a lump in her throat and all she wanted to do was get away,

From that day on, things were never the same. They started to grow further and further apart, leaving that beautiful friendship they once had behind. And so, their last high school years went by and by the end, as each took their own paths to continue with their lives, they didn't even say goodbye.

**Twelve years later ~2023~**

Santana Lopez sat at the back of a taxi, looking around at the buildings that surrounded her. She had been living in New York City for about a year now and she still didn't get used to it. It was definitely different from where she had grown up.

After high school, she ended up studying and successfully graduating from Law School. It was a surprise to most of those that knew her back then, but it turned out she was darn good at it. Her persistence and character helped her become one of the best lawyers out there, reason why she had been hired by one of the most famous law firms in the States. That's how she ended up living in New York now, something she enjoyed but still had some hard time getting used to.

"Hello?" Santana said as she answered her phone, placing it on her shoulder as she exited the taxi and closed the door behind her. "Yeeees," she replied, rolling her eyes, "I'm getting there. I told you I'd pick her up today, don't worry," she said, letting out a frustrated sigh. "I'm about to go in," she said as she looked up and read the sign that indicated she was in the right place. "I'm here. I'll see you tonight." She paused. "I love you too. Bye."

Santana put her phone back in her pocket and entered the dance studio, looking around to find the right class. She approached the room that seemed to have 4 to 6 year olds in it and stood by the door, looking for Sasha. She finally spotted her, dark hair and light skin moved around the room, picking up her things. She had made it just in time.

She smiled as she admired the little girl, laughing as she ran away from another girl, not a care in the world. She heard a few claps coming from the teacher, whose back was at her, trying to get them all to calm down to say some last words before the session ended.

"Alright kids, great job!" she said, and Santana's heart stopped. She could recognize that voice right away. She took a better look at the teacher's back and slowly started recognizing the figure. Blonde hair in a ponytail, perfect curves in the right places, toned arms and a firm… Santana stopped her thoughts, trying to figure out what to do. She had to get out of there. She turned around quickly, ready to leave when she heard a voice from behind call her name.

"San!" Sasha screamed, excited to see her there. Santana had to stop in her tracks, it was too late. She slowly turned around, hoping nobody had payed any attention to the little girl screaming. Too bad it wasn't the case.

She placed a fake smile as her eyes met the little girl's, who was already running towards her with her arms open. Santana had no other option but to kneel down and wait for her with arms wide open as well. She looked up just as she hugged her, and her eyes met with one's she hadn't seen in a while. In a long, long while.

"Santana?" Brittany asked, surprised. "Is that really you?" she said, a huge smile on her face.

Santana stood up slowly, feeling her knees getting weak but not able to let them fail her, since she was holding Sasha in her arms at the moment. "H-hi," she stuttered, probably not loud enough.

"You know her?" Sasha asked, excited, "How cool!"

Brittany approached, the smile still on her face. "Yeah, we do," she said as she ran her hand through Sasha's hair, "we used to be friends back in school." She explained, which caused Santana to look away, shifting uncomfortably.

Sasha wrapped her little arms around Santana's neck, beaming at her, "It's so cool you know her, San! She's the best dance teacher ever!"

Santana smiled at the little girl's enthusiasm, still unable to look at Brittany straight in the eyes. "Yeah? That's good to hear. Now, it's time that we go home," she said, wanting to get away from that place as fast as possible. Definitely first and last time she offered to pick Sasha up.

"You don't have to go so fast," Brittany said, hope in her voice. She really wished she would stay a bit longer. She had wondered for so long how Santana was and if she was doing ok. From the looks of it, she was. "You guys can stay a bit longer."

"Yeah!" Sasha screamed, trying to get off of Santana's arms. "Can we stay for a little while? Please?" She asked, giving her 'the look', the one she knew Santana could rarely resist.

"I don't know, Sasha, your mom's gonna be home soon. I promised her we would be there when she did," she explained, trying to make it sound like a good excuse.

The girl's face turned sad. "Oh…"

Santana sighed, not really wanting to give in. She did not want to be in that room right now. She didn't want to face Brittany again. She didn't want all those memories coming back again. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Maybe next time you and your mom can stay for a bit longer."

The little girl just lowered her shoulders and went to get her things.

"I'm sorry you can't stay a bit longer," Brittany said, meaning every word.

"Yeah, her mom's really…" Santana trailed off, even words failing her.

Brittany nodded. "Maybe we can grab some coffee sometime soon?"

"Um… I… Err-" What was wrong with her? Santana usually could come up with the best words in front of a judge in a trail, but she couldn't say anything coherent in front of Brittany? Come on, it's been years! "I can't. I'm only here on a visit, I leave, um, tomorrow." _Really, Santana? Is that the best you can come up with?_

Brittany nodded once again, sadness crossing her face. Santana's heart skipped a beat, remembering that same look on her face years ago.

"I'm really sorry, I-"

Brittany shook her head, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I understand," she said, smiling at her again. That smile… "It was great seeing you anyway. I hope everything goes great for you."

Santana nodded, her mind telling her to get out of there, her heart telling her otherwise. "Yeah, you too. Take care, Britt."

Sasha came back with her things, ready to leave. "See you, Miss S."

"Bye Sasha, say hi to your mom."

Sasha nodded and grabbed Santana's hand, walking away. Santana hailed a cab and got inside with Sasha, both looking back at the dance studio. Maybe it was her imagination, but she thought she saw Brittany standing by the doorway as the taxi drove away.

**Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this first chapter. Hopefully it was worth it!**


	2. Chapter 2: Denial

The drive home went by in silent. Thankfully, Sasha wasn't being very talking like she usually was, so Santana could just sit next to her without saying a word. Her mind wandered back to her previous encounter, still having a hard time believing she had seen Brittany again. It was something she never thought would actually happen, but all of this just proves the world is, indeed, a small place.

She tried to fight back the emotions that ran through her at the moment: sadness, excitement, anger… too many feelings she really didn't want to deal with. Santana had always been very good at controlling her emotions, since she was a small little girl she had learned how to block any unpleasant feeling and cover them with a bad ass attitude. Somehow, Brittany had always been the only one to go past those brick walls, and apparently that hadn't changed a bit.

They arrived at the little girl's apartment a while later to find her mother already there. Olivia worked in the same law firm Santana did, and she was one of the few people she could call a friend. Her honesty usually got her in trouble, reason why she didn't have many friends at all. Contrary to the rest, Olivia appreciated her honesty and they had slowly become good friends. She was a single mom having to deal with the load of work being a lawyer implied, so slowly Santana had started helping her with Sasha whenever she could and wasn't too busy herself. They had become like a small, little family.

"Hey, baby!" Olivia greeted her daughter as she kneeled down and kissed her cheek. "How was your day? Did you have fun?" Sasha nodded in replied before heading to her room.

"Why is she being so quiet?"

Santana shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe she's mad at me."

"What did you do?"

Santana pretended to be offended. "What do you mean? I didn't do anything!"

Olivia chuckled, amused at how fast her friend got defensive. "I know, silly. Why do you think she's mad?"

"She wanted to stay a little longer, but I told her we had to leave."

"Oh, but that would have been fine."

Santana cleared her throat, looking uncomfortable. "I know, we just… um… I just thought you'd get worried."

Olivia frowned at her friend's reaction, "Well, you could have called," she smiled.

"Yeah. I know. Anyway. I have to go…"

"Wait, you're not gonna have dinner with us? Come on, it's the least I can do as a thank you."

Santana shifted, not really wanting the company, but she couldn't just say no. It'd only make Olivia more suspicious, considering they usually had dinner together at least a couple of times a week. "Yeah, okay."

She helped her finish dinner, set the table and prepare everything. It helped her get her mind off of things as they talked about work and other random things. By the time they sat down on the table, Brittany was at the back of her mind.

Not for long, though.

"So, any interesting stories you want to tell me today, Sasha?" Olivia asked, sensing the kid had already forgotten she was mad.

Sasha thought for a moment and then smiled. "Yeah, aunt Santana knows my dance teacher!" she replied excitedly, looking at Santana, whose face went from relaxed to tense.

"Really? How cool, how do you know her?" Olivia asked, turning to Santana, who didn't give her an answer.

"They were friends in school," Sasha chipped in, causing Santana to look away.

"Oh, so you knew Britt-" Olivia stopped, making the connection in her head, understanding now why her friend was acting so weird. "Woah. **The** Brittany?"

Santana just looked back at her, no answer falling from her lips.

"Wow." Olivia said, leaning against the back of the chair, completely surprised herself.

Sasha looked from her mom to Santana, confused. "Mommy? What's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing…" Olivia quickly replied, not wanting to discuss this in front of her. Sasha could be a big mouth sometimes and she didn't want her to go and tell Brittany what had been said at the table. "You finished eating, baby? You can go watch TV."

"But mom-"

"Shh, just go baby, I'll give you your dessert later."

Sasha sighed and left the table, not happy to be missing this conversation, even though she didn't have a clue of what was going on. From the looks of it, it was something important.

"So, you saw Brittany?" Olivia asked Santana once they were alone.

"Yeah…"

"When were you gonna tell me?"

"Um… let's see… hmm… Never?"

"What do you mean never? This is huge!"

"It's not a big deal, it's just an old friend from school. That's all."

"_Just_ an old friend from school? Riiiight. You know I know better than that."

Sadly, she did. Considering Olivia was one of her very few friends, she was also one of the very few people who actually knew her story with Brittany. She knew how much she had meant to her, how much it had hurt her when they stopped talking, how bad it had affected her in all of her future relationships, and basically how much she still thought of her, even though she denied it every time.

"I can't believe you saw her again," Olivia said, still stunned. This was big!

"Yeah, first and last time, that's for sure."

"What do you mean last time? You guys live in the same city, you should get together or something."

"I don't think that's going to happen."

"Why not?"

"Because…" Santana paused, not really wanting to reveal her previous lack of courage. "Because, she didn't really seem interested, so…"

Olivia frowned. "Oh… That's too bad. I'm sure it'd do you good."

"Good? How could it do me any good? It didn't do me any good years ago, why would it do me any good now?"

"Well, for starters, you could get some closure."

"Closure? Pfft. I don't need any closure," Santana said, looking away.

"Uh huh."

"I don't!" she replied, a little louder than intended.

"Maybe if you guys just talked things out, you'd be able to move on."

Santana snorted. "I've totally moved on already."

Olivia smiled at her friend's denial. "Right."

"Yup."

"When was the last time you had a relationship?"

"Like two we-"

"A *relationship*," Olivia remarked, letting her know her one night stands didn't count.

"Hmm…" Santana started thinking. "Well…" she knew exactly when, but she didn't want to say. It had been a long, long time ago.

"Kate. That was your last relationship. And do you remember how long ago that was? Do you remember why you guys broke up?"

"You don't need to remind me…"

"Well, apparently I do. Because you like to pretend everything is fine, but we all know it's not."

Santana shook her head, not wanting to listen to her friend. "It is."

Olivia sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Santana…"

"What?"

"Be honest with yourself."

"I am!" Santana replied, exasperated. Why did she have to have this conversation anyway? She was not going to see Brittany again, end of discussion.

Olivia reached her friend's hand and smiled sadly at her. "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

"I'm not doing any-"

"San, please. Listen to me."

Santana sighed, "Yes, _mom_."

Olivia rolled her eyes, but continued anyway. "Seriously, I know you may not want to see her again, but maybe it's necessary. No matter how much you try to convince yourself, you haven't moved on. She hurt you, you hurt her, you can't forgive yourself for any of those things, and that's why your best option is to jump from one girl's bed to another. At least you got to a point where you are comfortable being a lesbian, that's great, but that's nothing if you can't move past what happened and actually open yourself up again."

"I open myself!" Santana joked, trying to put some humor into the conversation. She hated lectures. At least the ones directed to her.

Olivia chuckled, shaking her head. "You're impossible."

Santana smiled proudly, "Thank you. Look, talking to her again won't do any good. Seeing her again didn't do any good, it just opened a can full of worms. A nasty one. I'm fine the way things are, ok? In a few weeks I'll just forget I even saw her and that's it. End of story." Or so she wanted to believe.

Olivia sighed, not knowing how to get to her friend. If she didn't want to admit this was something she needed, there was nothing she could do.

They spent half an hour just chatting about other things before Santana left. All the way home, she couldn't stop thinking about all the things her friend had told her. She wanted to deny them all. Deep down she knew Olivia was right in pretty much everything she said, she didn't want to believe it. Brittany didn't play an important part in her life anymore. She stopped playing an important part years ago, why should this matter now?

After the whole Brittany incident happened, Santana spent the rest of her high school years focused on Cheerios and trying to figure out what was going to happen with her future. She started to hang out with other cheerleaders, trying to fill the void Brittany had left. None of them were Brittany, but at least they made the rest of her time there go by faster. She wasted time going to parties, getting drunk and sleeping with guys, which only drove her closer to what she already knew but didn't want to admit: she was definitely gay.

High school years ended and she went to college, which turned out to be an eye opener. She met other lesbians, and a whole new world where being gay wasn't really that bad. She didn't live with her family anymore, so what they said didn't matter. She started feeling more comfortable in her own skin, until she finally decided to admit to herself what she had known all along. From that point on, things got better, and even though she wasn't completely open and didn't go around screaming to the world that she liked girls, all the important people in her life knew.

Santana went to bed that night with a lot in her mind and it took her a while to finally fall asleep. It had been a long time since she last spent time tossing and turning because she couldn't stop thinking about Brittany, but certainly if it had stopped before, it was going to stop now.

* * *

><p>A couple of days later, as Santana was arriving home, her phone rang. It was an unknown number, so she answered it assuming it was a new client.<p>

"Santana Lopez," she said as she put her keys down and entered her apartment.

"Wow, you sound so formal," the other person said, causing Santana to stop what she was doing. Breathing included. "Sasha's mom told me your flight had been cancelled and you haven't left yet, I thought maybe now we could get together?" Brittany asked.

"Hmmm…" Santana said, trying to find a good excuse, but none came to mind.

_Olivia, I'm going to fucking kill you!_

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued…<strong>

Thank you for reading and especially to those reviewing :) It makes me want to write more! I promise you'll start seeing more Brittana action soon, but I had to set the characters before moving along :)


	3. Chapter 3: The Meeting

**Author's Note: **I thought you could rate every chapter of a story independently, so that's why I rated the first two chapters 'T', but apparently you rate the whole story so I'll have to change it to 'M'. It's supposed to head that way ;) So to anyone reading this story because it was 'T' and doesn't like 'M's (who doesn't, though? xD), my apologies!

Now, on with the story. Enjoy! :)

* * *

><p>"Sasha's mom told me your flight had been cancelled and that you haven't left yet. I thought maybe now we could get together?" Brittany asked.<p>

"Hmmm…" Santana said, trying to find a good excuse, but none came to mind. _Olivia, I'm going to fucking kill you! _"Um, I don't know if I can…"

"We can meet after dance class, we could go to a coffee shop that's right around the corner."

"I…"

"C'mon, San. For old times' sake," Brittany insisted.

_Seriously? Old times' sake? There's nothing about old times I want to go back to. _"I don't think I can, Brittany. Sorry. I-I have tons of things to do before flying out again," Santana decided to keep her lie, it was the only thing that came to mind.

Brittany sighed deeply. "I know you are living in New York," she said softly.

"What?"

"I said I know you live here now," there was sadness in her voice. "Olivia told me when I asked her about you yesterday."

"I…" _Thanks for the heads up, Olivia. _"Why didn't you say so in the first place, then?" Santana tried to play the angry card, although she knew she didn't have a reason at all to be mad. In fact, it should be the other way around. If she had been in Brittany's shoes and someone had lied to her like that, she wouldn't even have called them.

"I'm sorry. I thought you had your reasons to lie to me that first time, but I don't know why you keep lying now."

Brittany's tone was heart-breaking. Santana could picture her old friend confused about what was going on. She had always been so naïve, never seeing the bad in people. Santana always thought that was why they had been such good friends to begin with. Brittany had been one of the few people to see past her bitchiness, just like Santana had been one of the few to see past Brittany's silly exterior. While everyone laughed at her and made fun of her, she had always known there was so much more to her than anyone could ever imagine.

"Look, I…" Santana said, trying to find a good enough explanation.

"It's okay, San. I'm sure you had your reasons," Brittany said, "but can we get together? At least this one time? I want to know how you are and what you've been up to."

Santana sighed. She had to admit it, she felt guilty. She had been caught in her lie by one of the people she had cared about the most. The least she could do was grant her one coffee. After that, they didn't have to see each other ever again. What would one coffee do?

"Fine. Can you meet tomorrow night?" The sooner they met, the better. It just meant it'd be over soon.

Brittany's tone changed completely. She was back to her old cheery self. "Sure! Does 7:30 sound ok?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you there."

"Okay. Great. See you there, San. I can't wait.

"I can't wait either," Santana said, although it wasn't completely true. "Bye." she added before hanging up, placing the phone on the night stand and sitting heavily on the bed. What the hell was she supposed to do now?

* * *

><p>Brittany hung up and smiled. She was really excited about seeing Santana again and being able to talk. Everything that had happened in high school had been so weird and she could never find a coherent explanation as to why they had grown apart and never talked again. Seeing Santana again a few days ago made her feel like finally they could talk things out and maybe even be friends again. Her friendship was something she missed, no one else had ever been as kind and understanding as Santana had been. She had always been the only one who understood her and knew her perfectly.<p>

In Brittany's mind, everything had happened too fast. One day they were excellent friends, like they had been since they were little girls. The next, Santana was telling her she loved her, saying she didn't want to be with any other guy, just with her. And then, Santana was dating a football player, declaring her love for him openly, saying they were soul mates. What was Brittany supposed to make out of it all?

To her, Santana had just been confused the whole time. The problem was, Brittany wasn't. She knew she loved Santana, but Artie was her boyfriend and she could never forgive herself if she broke up with him. He had been a good guy, she couldn't just go ahead and break up with him. Time let her know that he wasn't all that good, and they broke up a while after, but that was another story.

She tried to find ways to reconnect with her old friend, but all of her attempts failed. She started hearing rumors about how Santana was sleeping with this and that guy, which ultimately drove her away. She couldn't stand there watching her friend sleep with every guy in the room. She needed to stay out of it, and that's when she decided to stop insisting. From the looks of it, Santana was doing much better without her.

But now, more than ten years later, things should be different. A lot of water had passed under the bridge, they were grown ups now, they both had their lives on the right track, and there was no reason not to make a fresh start. That's why she decided to call Santana even though she had lied to her. It was time to be the bigger person and try to talk to the one person she had cared about the most.

* * *

><p>The next day Santana was in her office, passing around. Her assistant had just left and that meant it was her third fight during that morning. Some would say she was having 'one of those days', but she knew exactly what her problem was: she was meeting Brittany that night and it was driving her crazy.<p>

There was a knock on the door and Olivia's head popped in. "Can I come in?"

"If you ask me, no. You're the last person I want to see right now."

"Oh, come on, what did I do now?" Olivia said, going inside anyway.

"Don't even dare to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

"Ohh… Is this because of Brittany?" Olivia asked innocently.

"Is this because of Brittany?" Santana mocked, causing Olivia to roll her eyes. She could be so childish sometimes. "Of course it is!"

"Well, you didn't tell me you had lied to her! If you had maybe I wouldn't have screwed up and mentioned you live here."

"Why did you even have to talk about me in the first place?"

"She asked about you, what was I supposed to say?"

"That you don't know me."

"Right. I let you pick up my daughter from her class, but I don't know you. You're a terrible liar, Lopez. That's why your plan failed."

"Nuh huh! My plan was working perfectly until **you** screwed it up."

"Stop blaming this on me, Santana. You were not brave enough to tell her you didn't want to see her again. If you had, then none of this would be happening."

"Well, it is happening, and I'm supposed to see her tonight!" Santana said, finally exploding. She really didn't know what to do.

Olivia smiled. "You guys are getting together?"

"Don't act so surprised. I may be a terrible liar, but you are a terrible actress. I'm not stupid, I know how she got my phone number," Santana said and Olivia only chuckled. "Yeah, you laugh all you want, but the next fight I get into, I'll tell them to go complain to you. This is all your fault."

"Oh, shut up. You'll thank me later."

"That is **not** going to happen."

Olivia laughed, "We'll see, we'll see. Well, you can swing by the apartment afterwards if you want to talk."

"And now she pretends to be my good friend," Santana said sarcastically.

"You know I love you, San," Olivia replied before turning around to leave. "Now get your ass back to work. It will help your day go by faster."

"Problem is, I don't want it to go fast. At all," Santana whispered once her friend had left the office.

* * *

><p>It was 7:30 and Santana was standing outside the dance studio. Her heart was racing, her mind telling her to just leave and call to cancel, but she was already there. Not long after, Brittany walked out of the studio, bag in her hand, wearing that perfect smile.<p>

"Santana!" she said excitedly, wrapping her in a warm embrace. Santana didn't know how to react, it had been too long and she was not used to people invading her personal space anymore. She smiled awkwardly as Brittany pulled away, the smile never leaving her face. "So good to see you again. Let's go, I'm starving!"

They walked in silence the half block to the coffee shop. Santana didn't know what to say. How do you start a conversation with someone you brushed off completely twelve years ago?

They went inside the coffee shop and sat down on a corner. They waited for the waitress to take their order before Brittany spoke up.

"So, tell me, how have you been? It's been so long!"

"Um, I've been fine. Just tons of work and stuff," Santana said. This felt so weird.

"What do you do now?" This seemed more like an encounter with a family member you hadn't seen in a while.

"I'm a lawyer."

Brittany smiled. "I knew it. I always knew it."

"What?"

"I always pictured you doing that."

"Really?" Santana asked, surprised. She didn't picture herself as anything until she applied for college.

"Yeah, the way you always jumped in to defend me. The way you just kicked everyone's ass just by talking. I knew you'd be an excellent lawyer," Brittany said, smiling fondly.

Santana couldn't help but smile a little. Brittany had always known her the best. "You could have told me, then it'd have saved me a lot of stressing."

"I would have if…" Brittany stopped herself, it was too soon to go there. Santana looked at her and then looked away. She knew exactly where she was headed with that comment.

They fell into uncomfortable silence, both looking away, Santana playing with the fork while Brittany played with her hands. Five minutes went by, although it seemed like five hours, before the waitress came by with their food. It gave Brittany the chance to speak again, changing the subject.

"This place is really good. I usually come here twice a week, after I finish class."

"So, how long have you been here? I've always pictured you traveling the world with some known artist, not stuck in one place."

"Well, I did for a while. After school I started touring with Beyoncé, and then some other people, but it got tiring after a while. I quit a couple of years ago and decided to move here."

Santana nodded, pretending to be surprised, although she knew about the Beyoncé touring part. She had seen Brittany at one of the news report where they talked about Beyoncé's back up dancers. Since then, she tried avoiding any concerts and/or news related to her.

"It's so weird we ended up in the same city, don't you think?" Brittany asked, smiling. She wouldn't stop smiling.

"Yeah… Small world, huh?"

"But I'm glad," Brittany said, looking away shyly. "You know, after all these years, I still wondered how you were doing. I always wanted to find you again."

Santana swallowed. She had spent so many nights when she was in college wondering if Brittany ever missed her. Slowly she began moving on, but a part of her always wondered if she remembered her at all. She felt herself softening, but it wasn't something she wanted to do. This was supposed to be a one time thing, where they would just talk and then each would keep going with their lives as if they never knew they were living in the same city.

"Yeah. But from the looks of it, we've been doing just fine, huh?" Santana said, bringing her defenses up again. "Looks like it's better this way."

Brittany's shoulders tensed and her smile disappeared for the first time since they met that evening. She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again. There was nothing she could say to that.

Santana felt horrible. Had she agreed to meet her just to hurt her? They had already hurt each other in the past, why keep doing it now? This only confirmed they were better off without seeing each other. If they did, they would only keep hurting themselves.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"You don't have to apologize. I just wish I knew what went wrong so long ago."

_'She _**_still_**_ doesn't know?'_ Santana asked herself. '_Seriously?_ _Then what the hell am I even doing here?'_

It hurt her to realize Brittany still had no clue. Had she never really realized what had gone wrong? Had she never really known she had been madly in love with her and it had hurt her like crazy to know she didn't feel the same way? Didn't she know it was unbearable to be with her everyday, pretend they were just friends, know she was with Artie and not with her?

This was pointless. The whole meeting was pointless and a mistake. Santana grabbed her things and stood up. "I'm sorry, Brittany. It does seem things are better the way they are. You have a good life," Santana said as she placed a $10 bill to cover her part and left.

Brittany sat there, watching her walk away. Once again, she was confused. Once again, she had no clue of what had gone wrong.

Once again, she was left without her friend.

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><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>

Thanks for reading and reviewing :) You guys are the best!


	4. Chapter 4: Happy Birthday!

**Author's Note:** This chapter is a bit longer than the others. Hopefully that's a good thing! Consider it a "present" since I won't be able to update again until at least Tuesday night, so maybe this will keep you guys entertained until then :) Once again, thanks to everyone who reads and to those who review. It's greatly appreciated! Now on with the show.

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><p>"It was terrible," Santana said as she walked around her friend's apartment. Ever since she got to Olivia's place after her rather unpleasant evening with Brittany, she wouldn't stay still. It was driving Olivia crazy.<p>

"It couldn't have been that bad," Olivia replied, convinced her friend was overreacting.

"Bad and then some. It was awkward and awful and everything in between."

"Oh, come on! I bet it was a lovely evening but you want to deny it because you need an excuse to never see her again. And I still don't understand why."

Santana finally stopped walking and looked at her friend, arms crossed across her chest. "You wanna know why? Because she still doesn't _know_."

Olivia frowned. "Know? What do you you mean?"

"She still doesn't understand why it all happened back then."

"You mean… Why you guys stopped talking and all that?"

"Yeah!"

"Well, wasn't that kinda the point of getting together? Just talk things out and clear everything up?"

Santana paused before answering. "A little bit. Yes. But!" She emphasized that last word, "She must have had some clue. And if she didn't, then it means it never meant anything to her or she didn't really realize the importance of it all."

"Well, you always said she was kind of…," Olivia tried to find a nice way to say it, "out of it."

"Hey!" Santana jumped right away, so used to defending her old friend it was an habit hard to fight back. "Yes, but that's how people always _saw_ her, I've always known she's not really like that at all."

"I still don't get it, San. What's the big deal? Why leave instead of talk things through and clear everything up?"

"Why should I even have to? Shouldn't it have been clear enough to her that I was **madly** in love with her? I mean, come on, I told her I didn't want to be with anybody else but her. How could she not realize that blowing me away for _Artie_ would cause all of this?"

"Maybe she just didn't. You can't blame her for that."

"Why do I get the feeling you're always siding with her, huh? Who's your friend?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and smiled at her friend, "You are, of course. And you know that. I'm just trying to add a little perspective here. You're so bottled up with your emotions and how hurt you were back then, that sometimes you fail to see the bigger picture and I'm trying to help you with that."

"I am seeing the big picture. And that is that it never meant anything to her. **I** never meant anything to her," Santana replied, sadness in her voice. She hated how this whole situation made her feel. She felt vulnerable and hurt all over again. In her mind, that wasn't right. It had been too long and she didn't want to keep wasting any energy on this issue. She had moved on already. Seeing Brittany again had resurfaced a lot of feelings she had pushed away years ago, and now the only thing she had to do was push them away again. She decided not to give Brittany or any of this another minute of her time. She would never see her again and that was the end of it.

* * *

><p>Weeks passed and Santana felt like she was going back to normal. Olivia had tried bringing up the Brittany thing a couple of days after their last talk, but slowly Santana convinced her that there was nothing else to talk about.<p>

As days and weeks went by, Santana started to slowly forget their encounter and everything else that had come with it. She buried herself in work and spent most evenings with Olivia and Sasha. That helped her keep her mind off of things and slowly she started forgetting.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Santana found herself in Olivia's apartment, surrounded by balloons and princess-themed decoration.

"Thank you for coming earlier to help me out with things," Olivia told Santana as she handed her a bowl of potato chips to put on the table.

"No problem. I know how excited Sasha must be, and therefore how crazy she's driving you."

Olivia nodded and smiled. "I try to be understanding. Who didn't get excited for their birthday when they were little? I know I did."

"Then we all know where Sasha got it from."

Olivia chuckled as she started folding napkins. Soon after, Santana joined her. "So, how have you been doing?"

"Me? Great. Why?" Santana asked, wondering where the questions was coming from.

"Just wondering… So, the whole Brittany thing, is it all okay again?"

Santana stopped what she was doing and looked at Olivia. "No matter how much you beg, I am **not** going to pick up Sasha from her dance classes."

"No, that's not what-"

"Santana!" Sasha appeared from her room, a birthday hat on her head, interrupting their conversation.

"Hey there, birthday girl!" Santana said, smiling at the excited little girl, wrapping her in a hug. "Happy birthday!"

"Thank you for coming," Sasha said, looking around the kitchen.

"Nuh huh," Olivia said, "You're not eating anything until the guests arrive."

"But moooom!" Sasha complained, pouting.

"It's her birthday, Olivia. Don't be so mean," Santana said, reaching for a few potato chips and handing them to Sasha.

Olivia gasped, giving Santana a look. "You're spoiling her, you know that, right?"

"What are aunts for?" Santana smirked, patting the little girl's head. "Now go back to your room before you get tempted with more food!" Sasha nodded and run excitedly into her room. It wouldn't be long before her friends started arriving.

"She's so big," Olivia said, smiling in the direction her daughter had just left. "And she's so happy."

Santana couldn't help but smile herself. "She is."

"She invited a few friends from her dance class."

"Oh, yeah? That's cool."

"Yeah, and also…" Olivia got interrupted by the door bell.

"Sounds like your guests started arriving. I'll go get it," Santana offered, walking towards the door and opening to find one of Sasha's friend and her mom standing by the door. "Hey, welcome! Please come in."

An hour into the birthday party and the apartment was already crowded, kids running around and parents sitting wherever they could, chatting and making sure none of their kids where getting in trouble.

Santana stood by, just helping Olivia out. She didn't know most of the people there, so she basically stood near the kitchen refilling drinks and food to whoever needed it and getting the door whenever someone new arrived.

At one point she went to the bathroom, avoiding all the kids she bumped into on the way there. Once she came out, she started walking back to the living room when she spotted Brittany greeting some people, probably parent's of Sasha's dance class' friends.

_'What the hell?'_' Santana started panicking. '_What is she doing here?'_' She looked around the apartment, looking for Olivia. Or maybe an exit. Too bad her friend lived on the 5th floor, otherwise she'd have seriously considered jumping from the balcony. She spotted her, luckily on the opposite side from where Brittany was. She slowly walked up to her and grabbed her arm. "You're coming with me," Santana said as she pulled her friend (that relationship status was probably going to be redefined soon) towards the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked, surprised at being pulled out of the party like that.

"Olivia," she said sternly.

"What?"

"What the _fuck_ is Brittany doing here?"

"Ooh…" Olivia said, smiling innocently at her pissed friend. "I had absolutely nothing to do with it."

"Yeah, right. She just randomly appeared in your apartment."

"No, no. Look, I swear, I didn't plan any of this."

Santana put her hands on her hips, not believing a word. She had already tried to put them in the same room. Why wouldn't she try to do it again?

"Look, yesterday when I went to pick Sasha up from dance class a couple of mom's mentioned Sasha's birthday when I was talking to Brittany. She just asked when Sasha's birthday was and before you knew it, Sasha was inviting her to come over. She happily agreed and I couldn't just tell her not to come…"

Santana sighed. This was the worst birthday ever. "And you didn't think it'd be appropriate to warn me?"

"I tried! At least two times, but something or someone always interrupted us and then the party started and we kinda never crossed again. Plus, since it had already been an hour since the birthday started, I thought she wouldn't show up at all."

"I'm leaving."

"What? You can't leave! It's Sasha's birthday."

"She won't even notice I'm gone."

Olivia grabbed Santana's hand. "She will. Come on. You can't leave. She was so excited that you were coming. You were the first one she invited. You have to at least be here when we sing her Happy Birthday."

Santana sighed. "I…"

"I'm sorry, San," Olivia said, "I know how much you hate this situation and I know you didn't want to see her again, but you have to do this for Sasha."

"Fine…" Santana agreed, "But only because it's Sasha's birthday and I can't disappoint her."

Olivia smiled. "Thank you. I have to return to the guests, if you don't mind."

Santana nodded and Olivia left the kitchen. She took a deep breath and left the kitchen too, relieved to see Brittany busy playing with one of her students. Santana took the opportunity to slowly sneak to the balcony and close the door behind her. The noise diminished and she felt a little bit of peace. There was a soft breeze and she just stood there, looking towards the street. A while later she felt the noise getting louder and then disappearing again. She turned around to see who had opened the balcony's door and found Brittany standing there.

"Hey…" Brittany said quietly.

"Hi." Santana replied shortly, turning her back to Brittany.

"I…" Brittany started, but she didn't know what to say.

"You don't have to feel obligated to come here and say hi, you know."

"I know. But I want to."

Santana sighed. "Why? Why can't you just leave things the way they are?"

"Why can't we just fix them instead?"

Santana turned around and faced her. "Fix them? Fix what, Brittany? Fix something that happened twelve years ago? Don't you think it's a bit late for that?"

"It's never too late."

Santana laughed. She felt like she was in a cheesy movie. "Come on, Brittany. Seriously. Do we really need to do this?"

"Why did you just stop talking to me?" Brittany asked. She was tired of not getting any answers. She didn't know them and she felt she deserved them.

Anger flashed through Santana's eyes. "How can you not know? Seriously, Brittany."

Brittany sighed, walking towards the balcony rail and resting her back against it. She looked inside the apartment but didn't pay attention to what was going on in there. "I don't know, Santana. And I'm sorry. Believe me, I wish more than anything I knew so I could fix it."

"You can't fix it. There's nothing to be fixed."

"What about our friendship?"

"Since when do you care about our friendship? When did you ever care about me?" Santana said, a little louder than expected, causing Brittany to flinch.

"How can you even say that, San?"

"Don't call me that," Santana said angrily. Only her friends called her 'San'. Brittany was not her friend.

"You think if I didn't care about our friendship or you, I would have tried to talk to you as many times as I did back then?" Brittany asked, turning to her side, looking at Santana.

"If you had cared about me, you'd have left him," Santana said bitterly, ready to get out of there. Sasha was going to have to forgive her, but she couldn't be in the same room with Brittany anymore. She needed to get away. She took a step towards the door, but Brittany's grip on her wrist stopped her.

"Let go!" Santana said angrily, moving her arm, trying to get away from Brittany's grip but it only got stronger.

"We are talking about this, Santana. Whether you like it or not," Brittany said. She hated being in this situation, but she wasn't willing to let her leave. This could be the last chance she had to talk to her and fix things. And she really wanted to fix things.

Santana shook her arm one more time until she got rid of Brittany's grip. "Fine. You want to talk? Let's fucking talk."

Santana faced Brittany, anger and hurt written all over her face. Her shoulder's were tensed and her eyes burned into Brittany's.

"Did you ever realize I was _madly_ in love with you?" Santana said. There was no point on beating around the bush. If they were going to talk, they were going to get straight to the point.

Brittany looked surprised when she heard this. "Don't act surprised, Brittany," Santana said, "I told you. I told you right to your face the way I felt about you. I remember the exact words I used."

'_I love you and I don't wanna be with any of those other guys. I just want you',_ Brittany thought, "I remember them too…" she said softly.

"Then how can you still not understand, Brittany? I said all those things, I _meant_ all those things, and do you remember what your answer was, as well?"

"I told you I loved you too," Brittany said and Santana laughed.

"Oh, please. That was your consolation prize to me. Do I really need to remind you what you said?"

"I know, I know," Brittany said and sighed loudly. "I cared about Artie back then and I didn't want to hurt him," she said sincerely.

"You've got your reason. That is exactly why we never spoke again."

"What do you mean?" Brittany asked, still confused.

"You cared more about him than me, Brittany."

"That's not true!" She replied immediately. She didn't care about anyone in the world more than she cared about Santana.

"Do you think you didn't hurt **me** when you blew me off?"

Brittany opened her mouth to reply and then paused, realization finally hitting her. She had been so worried about hurting Artie, she didn't realize she was hurting her best friend along the way. "But then you took it all away. How was I supposed to know you meant it?" Brittany asked, trying to make sense of what had happened. Right now, she was understanding Santana's reaction more than she understood hers.

Santana shook her head and laughed bitterly. "What was I supposed to do? Just stand there and keep declaring my love to you while you just went on with your relationship?" Santana asked incredulously. Brittany knew her better than that. "I was not about to be all over you when you were clearly not interested."

"I told you if I broke up with him I'd be yours!" Brittany said in her defense. She needed to feel like she hadn't done everything wrong back then. But right now, it felt exactly that way.

Santana laughed once again. "Yeah, you'd be mine if you ever broke up with him. So romantic," she added sarcastically, "that's really selfish of you, Brittany. And I hate to say that about you, because you're one of the most unselfish people I've ever met, but you couldn't possibly expect me to wait and see whether things worked out with him or not, hoping they wouldn't so you would be with me?"

Brittany sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I wanted to be with you," she whispered softly.

Santana felt a knot in her stomach. "You didn't," she said firmly. '_Don't come here and tell me this now, Brittany. I rather think you never wanted to be with me than think I missed out on you'._

"I did! So bad!"

"Then why didn't you say anything?" Santana asked angrily. Why had she been the one to put everything out there and Brittany hadn't been able to do the same?

"I…" Brittany started, her hands shaking a little bit. She was getting nervous just thinking about all the emotions that had gone through her those following weeks. "First, I didn't say anything because of Artie."

"Here we go again…" Santana interrupted, rolling her eyes. "You loved the guy, I get it!"

"Listen to me!" Brittany said, stopping Santana from saying anything else. "I didn't want to hurt him. And yes, I was wrong to think I wasn't hurting you as well. If I had known, maybe things would have been different."

"Don't," Santana stopped her, raising her hand. "Don't even go there."

Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and lowered it, taking a step closer, looking at her directly in the eyes. "I thought of you every night and day after that last conversation. I loved you too, Santana. I was _in_ love with you too." Santana shook her head, not wanting to hear it. It was too late. Brittany ignored her and kept talking, grasping Santana's hand. "But then you started dating Karofsky," she said, shuddering at the name, "and next thing I know, you are soul mates, madly in love. And after him came another guy, and then another, and another. That's when I realized you had just been confused. You were confused and our friendship got ruined along the way."

Santana shook her head, looking at Brittany. "I wasn't confused, Britt," she said, sounding softer for the first time since they started talking. "I was protecting myself, Brittany. I did love you. I was indeed in love with you. But I had to build a defense mechanism. The only girl I had ever liked hurt me more than all the guys I had ever been with before her. So what did I do? I went back to the safe place, back to those who never managed to hurt me."

Brittany stood there. Silent. Everything started to make sense now. The distance between them, the feelings, the guys. Everything. Why didn't she see this before? How couldn't she realize this was what had happened?

"I'm so dumb…" she muttered.

"Hey… shh… don't even," Santana said, stepping closer and putting her hand on her shoulder. She never liked it when Brittany brought herself down. She had been with her so many times when people made her feel stupid, and she had always made it her job to cheer her up and make her see differently. It had been years now, but she still didn't like it when she spoke like that about herself. "I guess… I guess it was just all a big misunderstanding." Santana said. She wasn't ready to forget everything that had happened. She still didn't like to think Brittany didn't know her better and didn't know she had been protecting herself all along, but it did seem like it was a misunderstanding.

"So… You meant what you said back then?" Brittany asked.

"Of course I did. I'd never lie to you." Santana replied.

"I'm sorry..." Brittany said and Santana just looked away, too overwhelmed with everything that was happening.

Brittany looked at her old friend and felt the urge to hug her like she did when they were in high school. Instead, she placed her hand on her cheek and made her look at her again. A familiar tingle spread all over Santana's body. One she could easily recognize, for she had felt it many times in high school whenever Brittany touched her or came anywhere near here. "I've really missed you, Santana," Brittany added softly.

Santana just smiled, not wanting to admit she had missed her too. It was too soon, she still felt things weren't the same between them. Despite their conversation and admiting it had been a good one, there were still things haunting her from those days and she couldn't just forget everything that had happened. She took a step back, needing the space between them, not comfortable with the way Brittany's palm against her skin made her feel.

Brittany noticed the intentional physical distance and took a step back herself. She didn't want to make Santana uncomfortable. She was happy knowing she was in the same room with her without Santana trying to fight it.

"So," Brittany said, trying to change the subject, "You like girls, huh?"

Santana chuckled at the question and nodded. "Yeah. I'm lebanese," she said, causing Brittany to chuckle and smile. She was happy to see her friend admit who she was and be happy at the same time.

"Girls?" Someone opened the door and interrupted them, "We're about to sing happy birthday."

They both went in and Santana headed towards Olivia, taking the camera off her hands and getting ready to take pictures. Sasha blew the candles and Santana ate a piece of cake before saying good bye.

"Is everything okay?" Olivia asked, concerned.

"Yeah, it's just a lot for one day, you know? I'll tell you later."

Santana walked over to the elevator and pressed the button to call it.

"Santana?" Brittany asked from the door.

"Yeah?" She asked, turning her head towards her.

"Do you think maybe you could pick Sasha up one day from dance class?" Brittany asked, wanting to see her again but not wanting to pressure her.

Santana smiled as the elevator doors opened. "Maybe," she replied before going inside.

Brittany smiled and closed the door. Hopefully that maybe would turn into a yes.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Let me know what you think :)


	5. Chapter 5: Comfortable

**Author's Note:** I know it took me a while. Longer than expected, actually. I thought I was going to be able to write during the last weekend, but it turned out I had no time. And then school is crazy and I couldn't touch this story until now. I hope it was worth the wait. Read, comment and enjoy :)

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><p>Santana arrived back to her apartment half an hour later. She left her bag on the bedroom and then headed towards the living room. She lived in a rather small one bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side, but it was a place she was happy to call home.<p>

She grabbed a drink from the kitchen and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV. Flashes of her previous conversation with Brittany passed through her mind as she changed channels, not really paying attention to what was on.

She felt weird. They had finally had a conversation she never thought of having. It was something she felt they should've done years ago, but none of them was brave enough to try and bring it up back then. She had to admit it felt good, though. Maybe Olivia hadn't been that wrong when she told her it'd be a good thing to get it all out and straighten things out. Maybe now she was going to really be able to move on and settle down.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her cellphone vibrating. She frowned and grabbed it, wondering who would be messaging her on a Saturday evening. Maybe Olivia forgot to tell her something?

She looked at the phone and opened the message. It was from an unknown number, although it looked familiar.

_'I had a good time today. I'm glad we got to talk and clear things up. It was great seeing you again. Maybe it won't be the last time? -Brittany'_

Santana looked at it and smiled a little bit. Brittany had always been really sweet and she remembered many times in high school when she'd just send her short messages that would make her smile. Of course things were different now, but she couldn't help but smile. She was glad they got to talk too.

Santana stared at her phone for about five minutes, pondering whether to reply or not. Finally, she made up her mind.

_'I'm glad we got to talk too. I hope you had a good time. -Santana'_, she didn't know why she had replied with her own name since Brittany obviously had her phone number, but she decided to do so anyway.

Santana put her phone down and started watching TV. A few minutes later, her phone vibrated again.

_'I did. I hope you did too. Sasha's such a cute kid. -Brittany'_

Santana smiled. She couldn't agree more. _'She is. And Olivia is a great mom. -Santana'._

_'Looks like it. I'm glad to have her in my class. -Brittany'_

_'She's lucky to have you as her teacher. -Santana'_, she had to admit that. Brittany had always been a great dancer, and from the little she got to see when she picked up Sasha a few weeks ago, she seemed like a really good teacher as well. The kids seemed happy and excited, and Olivia had mentioned Sasha had learned a lot since she started going to Brittany's class.

_'Aww. She's lucky to have you, too. -Brittany'_

Santana chuckled and shook her head. That was the Brittany she knew, always making everyone else feel good. She put the phone aside and went back to watching TV. It had been a lot of Brittany for one day.

* * *

><p>Just like that, they started messaging each other. Every now and then, Santana would get a message from Brittany, just telling her to have a great day or make comments on how great Sasha was doing, and Santana would reply.<p>

It was comfortable. Santana felt it took the whole "when are we going to see each other again?" off her shoulders because they were still somehow communicating, but that way she could keep her distance and didn't have to face Brittany directly. That was something she was still reluctant to do. Last time they had been together, Brittany had been too close to her and having someone invade her personal space was something Santana wasn't used to. It hadn't been like that in high school, but that had changed the minute things got weird between them and it had never been like that with anyone ever again.

It was Thursday at noon and Santana was sitting in her office when her phone vibrated. She grabbed it and read the message.

_'Do you remember Breadstix? It was so good! -Brittany'_

Santana smiled and quickly replied. _'How could I forget? I've always wished they would open one here. -Santana'._

"Is that another message from Brittany?"

Santana looked up, surprised. She found Olivia leaning against the door, a smile on her own face, an eye brow raised. "Uh… Yeah. How did you know?"

"Only time I see you smile that big."

Santana shook her head. That was not true. "Shut up."

Olivia chuckled. "So, everything's going good between you two?"

"First, there's nothing 'going' between us. We're just… talking. Occasionally."

"Uh huh."

"Seriously, Olivia. I mean, it's good to talk to her again, but that's about it."

Olivia nodded. "Right. And the big smile…?"

Santana leaned back on her chair and smiled at her, "Are you jealous?"

Olivia laughed out loud. Probably louder than she should have. "Please!"

Santana faked being offended. "Hey, you don't have to laugh **that** hard."

Olivia smiled at her. She had hurt her ego. "I thought I was the only one to ever make you smile," she said teasingly.

Santana chuckled. "You know you are one of the few people that get me to smile, Olivia."

"I know, I know. I'm just giving you a hard time," Olivia said and winked at her. "Are you coming to my apartment first or do we meet you there?"

Santana looked at Olivia and frowned. "Um… you mean for the…?" she didn't know what Olivia was talking about. Did they have a meeting tonight or something?

"Sasha. Her presentation?"

"Oooooh. Is that today?"

Olivia nodded. "Geez. Let's hope she doesn't find out you forgot."

"I didn't! I just didn't realize it was _today_. I can't believe it's November already."

"Yup. And remember there's this thing afterward, for the kid's parents and stuff."

"Oh, ok. I'll just take a cab on the way back."

"No, silly. You're invited."

"I am? But…"

"You take care of her almost as much as I do. You have the right to be there. And she wants you there as well."

Santana smiled. "Ok. But I'll probably head to the apartment first and change. So I'll meet you there?"

"Alright. Remember, 7:30 sharp. Don't you dare be late. She's gonna be looking for us when she comes on stage."

"I know, I know. Don't worry, I'll meet you there."

* * *

><p>It was 7:15 and Santana was standing outside, looking around for Olivia and Sasha. She had changed from her work clothes to something more relaxed, now wearing a pair of jeans and a red top.<p>

"San!" she heard Olivia call from behind her and she turned around to face her.

"Hey," Santana greeted her friend.

"I was inside getting everything set. She's so excited!"

Santana smiled fondly. "I bet she is."

"You ready to go in?"

"Sure."

As they went inside, they bumped into Brittany who was greeting all the parents and family members at the door.

"Santana, Olivia," Brittany said with a smile, "so glad you guys could make it."

"Olivia wouldn't miss this for the world," Santana said, "she's more excited than the last time she won a case."

Olivia punched Santana lightly on her arm, "She's my baby, what would you expect?"

"Well, I hope you both enjoy it."

"Thank you," Olivia replied and they walked inside to find their seats.

Once they were settled, Santana whispered, "I forgot she was going to be here."

"Don't start again, Santana," Olivia warned her.

"No, no, no. I'm just saying."

"I thought you were going to try and run again."

Santana laughed. "And miss this? No way." Since she had been messaging Brittany and especially after their last face-to-face conversation, the thought of running into her wasn't as terrifying.

The show lasted 45 minutes, and it consisted mostly of proud parents taking pictures, half of them crying from excitement, Olivia clapping every single time Sasha breathed and everyone 'aww'ing every time a kid did something cute. Santana enjoyed it and was really proud of Sasha. She had actually done a great job.

After it was over, the parent's were directed towards another room, where they had prepared a type of buffet, with different things to eat and drink. Santana waited for Olivia to go help Sasha change outfits and ten minutes later they were back.

"Hey, you!" Santana said and smiled proudly. "You were awesome!"

Sasha smiled shyly, "You liked it?"

"Yes! Although not as much as your mom here, who cried half the time." Sasha looked at her mom and chuckled. "Did you have fun?" Sasha nodded. "That's great."

A photographer walked by and asked Sasha to join the rest of the kids and their teacher for the picture. Then he asked each parent to get a picture with their kid.

"Did you like the show?" Santana heard Brittany ask, making her turn her head around to find her standing next to her.

Santana nodded. "It was really good. You did an amazing job with these kids. Olivia told me they weren't doing much until you got here."

Brittany smiled, looking at the kids and their parents. "They have great potential. I'm glad I get to work with them."

Santana looked at Brittany, seeing her truly happy. "I'm glad you enjoy doing this."

"I love it."

"I'm sure your family is so proud," Santana said, remembering how Brittany's parents had always been supporting of her passion for dance. She noticed Brittany smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Aren't they?"

"Huh?" Brittany looked at her, confused. Apparently she had spaced out for a second. "Oh, right. Yeah, they are. They said they would try to make it next time the kids did anything."

Santana looked at her. Something was not right. "You okay?"

Brittany nodded, although not convincingly. "Yeah. Overwhelmed with all of this, you know?"

Santana still felt something was bothering her. It didn't seem right. Everything had gone wonderfully and all the parents and kids were more than happy. Why wasn't she? "You wanna go outside for a little bit?"

Brittany looked at her and smiled. "That'd be good."

Santana told Olivia she was going to be outside for a little while before following Brittany back to the stage, which was now empty. They sat close to the edge, their legs hanging.

"Remember Glee club?" Santana asked, trying to change the subject and cheer her up.

Brittany laughed. "How could I forget? It was so weird how we ended up there."

"I know, half the time I questioned myself what were we Cheerios doing there."

"I remember we used to talk about that all the time. But you know what? It was actually one of the best memories I have from high school," Brittany said, looking ahead to all the empty seats in front of them. "It was great performing in front of all those people. That's when I finally realized dancing was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life."

Santana smiled. "You always looked in your element when you were dancing."

"I could say the same for you and your singing!" Brittany said, squeezing Santana's knee for a brief second, before placing it back on her lap. "Half the time I was so caught up with your voice that I forgot my choreography."

Santana blushed and looked away shyly. "Oh, come on."

"I mean it," Brittany said and smiled.

"Do you remember 'Valerie'?" Brittany nodded. "I was so focused on you, sometimes I forgot what part of the song I was supposed to sing. You and Mike Chang were amazing. I've always wondered how you guys did it, it was so hard!"

Brittany smiled."It wasn't that hard. You could've done it."

"No way!"

"Seriously. You had really good dancing skills."

Santana looked at her and smiled. "Never as good as you."

"Well, you couldn't have everything. I mean, your voice…" Brittany looked up and shook her head. "Wow. It always blew me away. I always thought you'd end up being a singer."

Santana chuckled and shook her head. "Nah. I like singing, a lot. But I don't think I could be a singer. I would be bitchy to everyone and they would all hate me."

"I know I wouldn't," Brittany said, causing Santana to smile once again.

"I'm glad you followed your dream and became a dancer," Santana said honestly. "You look happy."

Brittany looked at her and smiled. "I am," she said as she stood up and extended her hand to her. "Now, let me show you how easy it was."

"What? No!"

"Come on, Santana," she said, her hand still extended. Santana shook her head. "Are you afraaaaaid?" Brittany asked teasingly.

"I'm not-!" Santana grabbed Brittany's hand and was pulled up. "Don't mess with me, Pierce."

Brittany chuckled, knowing her old friend would never reject a challenge. "Show me," she said as she pulled Santana towards the middle of the stage. "Which part did you find the hardest?"

Santana thought for a second, "The one with all the spinning. You know, when you went over Mike's head and then he started turning around."

Brittany nodded. "Okay, you are Mike and I'm… well, me."

Santana chuckled. "I won't be able to do it."

"Bet you ten bucks you can."

"Ten bucks? What is this, middle school?"

Brittany smiled, "Fine. Fifty bucks," she said as she extended her hand for Santana to shake it. "Deal?"

Santana took it and shook it. "Deal."

"Alright, you stand over there," she said, pointing a few feet behind Santana and she walked over there. "You grab both my hands," Brittany said as she walked over to her and turned her back at her. Santana grabbed her hands and took a deep breath. "You can do it."

"What if I can't and you end up with a broken neck?"

"I won't. Relax. Now, when I tell you, you get on one knee and lean your head forward, when you feel my body is over your head, you start standing up. The important thing is you never let go of my hands. And then, walk away from me and turn around. I'll jump on you and all you have to do is hold one leg with your hand and place the other on my waist. Then just start spinning, ok?"

Santana nodded, even though it was pointless because Brittany couldn't see her, and took another deep breath.

"Ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Ok, go!"

Santana grabbed Brittany's hands real tight and kneeled down, leaning her head forward as told. She felt Brittany's lower back lean against her's and started to stand up. Once Brittany stepped back on the floor, she let go of her hands and walked a few steps before turning around, opening her arms. Brittany headed her way and jumped, wrapping her legs around Santana's waist and Santana quickly placed her arms around her and started spinning.

While spinning, they were both laughing out loud, and Santana could head Brittany say "See? I told you you could do it!" as they kept spinning.

Santana smiled and looked into Brittany's eyes, seeing them sparkle. Their bodies were pressed tightly against each other, Brittany's arms around her neck. They were practically breathing the same air. Brittany's legs were wrapped around her waist, their stomachs pressed against each other, their breathing heavy.

Brittany met Santana's gaze and they stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds before Santana started feeling dizzy. She was so caught up in the way Brittany's body made her feel, she had forgotten to stop spinning.

It wasn't long before her dizziness caused her to trip and soon after Santana was lying on the floor with Brittany on top of her. They started laughing loudly, Santana shaking her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said between laughs.

Brittany kept laughing. "I'm fine. Are you?"

Santana nodded. "Yeah," she replied, her eyes fixed on Brittany's face, who was still chuckling from the fall. She was so beautiful. Her blonde hair fell down on each side of her face, some bangs covering her eyes. Santana slowly reached her hair with one of her hands. Brittany's eyes followed her every move and soon after, Santana was placing a strand of hair behind her ear, leaving her hand resting on Brittany's cheek.

"I missed hearing you laugh…" Santana said in a moment of weakness.

All sound stopped and Brittany looked back into Santana's eyes. She had missed her. Everything about her. The way her skin felt against hers. The way she looked at her. The way she held her and protected her.

Santana rubbed her thumb against Brittany's skin, causing electricity to run down both their bodies. Something they were both familiar with. It was how their bodies always reacted to each other back in high school.

Brittany swallowed when she saw Santana lick her lips and slowly leaned down, resting her forehead against Santana's, letting out a big breath.

Santana moved her head up a little bit, almost touching Brittany's lips, almost tasting her again.

They were both so caught up in their moment they didn't hear someone come in through the doors.

"Britt!" someone yelled, causing them both to jump away from each other. Brittany sat up and look towards the voice.

"Tommy?"

"Hey, baby!"

'_Baby?'_ Santana's mind screamed.

"H-hi…" Brittany said softly, standing up and casting a quick glance towards Santana. All she had seen over her face just a few seconds ago was gone. She was now staring at the same Santana she had talked to at the coffee shop weeks ago. Cold and distant Santana.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't get here earlier, babe. I really tried but work was a mess. How did everything go?" Tommy said as he jumped up to the stage and wrapped Brittany in a hug, kissing her on the lips.

Santana felt like she was being stabbed and looked away, getting up from the floor herself.

Brittany broke the kiss quickly and looked at her. "Um… Tommy, this is Santana. Santana, this is Tommy… my boyfriend."

Tommy smiled, "Santana? Oh, it's so good to meet you! I've heard so much about you!," he said as he walked closer to her, stretching his hand.

Santana looked at him and took a step back, ignoring his hand. "Nice to meet you, Tommy. Funny how I never heard of you," she said and looked directly at Brittany.

Tommy frowned and went back to Brittany's side, wrapping his arm around her waist. "Oh, I'm sure you guys had a lot to catch up, she probably didn't have time to mention me."

Santana nodded, now looking away from Brittany, who was trying to find her gaze again to no avail.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it. I have to get going anyway."

"Nice to meet you, Santana," Tommy said.

"Santana, wait…" Brittany said, trying to get away from Tommy's grip, but it was already too late. Santana had turned around and was already walking back to where Olivia was.

"I need to leave. Now," she whispered sternly. Olivia was talking to some of the parents and looked surprised.

"Why? What happened?"

"I-I can't. Olivia. Please, can we go?" Santana said and her voice cracked a little.

Olivia noticed it and knew she really needed to get out of there. "Sure. Let me just get Sasha and we'll go."

"I'll wait for you outside," Santana said and quickly walked away. She couldn't believe it was all happening again. Brittany had a boyfriend. Then what the hell had happened back on the stage?

A lie. Just another fucking lie.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6: Escape

"Santana, can you please tell me what's wrong?" Olivia said as her friend sat next to her in the car. After Santana had told her she needed to leave, Olivia rushed to get Sasha and met her outside, but she still had no answer from her as to what was wrong and she was beginning to get seriously worried. "What the hell happened out there?" she insisted, still not getting an answer from her.

Santana just stared out the window, trying to contain the tears. She didn't like to cry in front of anyone. And she didn't want to make a scene in front of Sasha, who was curiously looking at them from the back seat.

"Santana, please…" Olivia begged. It was rare to see her friend like this and she couldn't understand what was going on. She needed to know.

Santana took a deep breath and shook her head. "Not now, ok? I'll tell you when we get home."

"Why can't you tell me now?"

Santana took a quick glance at the back seat and then went back to staring outside the window.

"Brittany?" she whispered and she could see her friend painfully closing her eyes. She had her answer and knew not to pressure anymore.

After they arrived at Olivia's apartment, Santana headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water and then waited in the living room until Olivia was finished putting Sasha in bed. She played with her glass, replaying in her head what had happened hours before on the stage. She felt so betrayed. She felt like an idiot for believing Brittany, for thinking things were any different. For trusting her again.

"What happened, San?" Olivia asked as she approached her, sitting next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Santana took a deep breath. This wasn't a conversation she wanted to have, but she couldn't keep it all inside. It would only make matters worse. "She has a boyfriend," she said softly, not mentioning who she was talking about. That part was clear.

Olivia frowned and looked at her. "Ok…" she said, not really understanding why that had Santana so upset.

"She has a boyfriend and she never told me," Santana said, her elbows resting on her legs as she leaned forward, her eyes still focused on the glass of water.

"Hmm… Did you give her the chance to?" Olivia asked.

"Why do I get the feeling you're always defending her?" Santana asked and tried to get away from her. She was _her_ friend and she needed her support.

"I'm not defending her, Santana. I'm not very fond of her right now because of the way she's making you feel, but I'm trying to be objective here. What's the big deal if she has a boyfriend? What did you expect her to do, stay home and wait for you?"

Santana looked at her for the first time since they started talking. "We almost kissed," she said, and her gaze went back down. Even mentioning the almost-kiss brought tears to her eyes. The way she had felt, like it was right, like they belonged in that moment, it had all been a lie.

Olivia opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. Now she understood what the big deal was. She couldn't believe Brittany was hurting her again like that. They had already been through it one time, and they had talked about it. It was impossible to think Brittany hadn't realized by now how much everything had affected Santana. Why go around playing with her feelings like that?

"Damn, San… I'm sorry," was the only thing that came to mind. "How did it…?"

"We were out on the stage talking. It was going really well, it almost felt like the old times, you know?" she said, sadness lingering in her voice. She really felt she was recovering a dear friend. "And then we started doing silly things and before you know it we're on the floor, she's on top of me and I… I…" she trailed off, not able to put in words what she was thinking. _I was dying to kiss her. I was dying to feel her again, to have her lips against mine, to feel her whole body against mine._

Olivia sighed. She hated to see Santana hurt. "What stopped you?"

"Him. That's the worst part, you know?" Santana said, running a shaky hand through her hair, trying to push the images of Brittany's boyfriend kissing her away from her mind, "it would have happened if he hadn't walked in. She didn't even hesitate. She didn't even think about telling me, Olivia. She was going to do it all over again. She was going to get the boyfriend everyday and have me on the side for whenever she felt like it," Santana said bitterly.

Olivia placed a hand on Santana's arm and looked at her. "I'm really sorry. I thought you guys talking again was going to be a good thing… I never thought…" she stopped. She felt guilty. After all, she had been the one to push Santana into talking to her. If she hadn't, her friend wouldn't be having such a hard time right now.

"I know… I didn't either. Especially after that last talk. I thought things could be different. I never thought we would kiss, you know? But I certainly never thought she was going to lie to me like that."

"You can stay here tonight if you want," Olivia offered in case she didn't want to be alone.

"Thank you, but I think I'm going to head home," Santana said, smiling shortly. She loved Olivia and was thankful to have her as a friend, but she wanted to be alone.

"You know I'm right here for you," Olivia said.

"I know. And thank you."

* * *

><p>Santana arrived at her apartment not long after. She changed into her pajamas and got in bed, leaving pieces of clothes scattered all over the floor. She didn't care enough to pick them up. She didn't care enough about anything right now.<p>

She lied on her bed, staring at the ceiling. A knot in her throat as she kept thinking about the events of that day. The way she had felt when they had been talking on stage. How happy she had felt playing around, dancing. How betrayed she had felt the minute she heard the word's '_my boyfriend…' _ which kept playing over and over along with the kiss she had to watch unfold in front of her.

Her cellphone vibrated and she lazily picked it up.

'_I'm sorry, Santana. Please let me explain. -Brittany'_

Santana rolled her eyes and placed the phone down. She couldn't expect a simple text message to fix things. She couldn't expect anything to change things at this point.

Several minutes later, it vibrated again.

_'Please, Santana. Don't push me away. Not again. -Brittany"_

She tossed the cellphone aside and turned off the lights. She knew she wasn't going to get much sleep, but she might as well try. She had a big day coming up.

* * *

><p>It was Friday night and Santana was finally free for the weekend. She hadn't been feeling very well and she knew only one thing would, maybe not cheer her up, but at least keep her mind away from uninvited thoughts.<p>

She stopped at her apartment for a quick change of clothes and headed directly towards her favorite lesbian bar. It was a place she went to often, especially when she wanted some company. Nothing serious, just some one night stand to help her get through the night.

She went in, greeted by the security man who already knew her. She then headed towards the bar and asked Stacy, the bartender, for the usual.

"Hey there. I haven't seen you in a while," Stacy said as she prepared her drink.

"I know. It's been crazy at work, but I finally decided to give myself a break," Santana replied, sitting on a stool and taking the drink from her, drinking it almost immediately.

"You sure a break is all you're looking for?" Stacy asked, surprised. Santana had never been a heavy drinker at her bar. She enjoyed a couple of drinks per night but never ended up drunk.

Santana nodded and placed the glass down, already empty. "Another please."

Stacy looked at her, "You sure you're okay?"

Santana smiled. "I promise," she said and turned around, scanning the dancing room, looking for any familiar faces to avoid and any new faces she'd be glad to spend a night with.

She didn't know why she had felt the urge to go out that night. Part of her just wanted to stay away from her thoughts, avoid having to spend another sleepless night. But also, she wanted to feel wanted. Maybe find someone who would be willing to spend the night and help her forget about all the pain and the hurt. Someone who would help her feel in control of her emotions again.

She kept looking around until she found a girl in one of the corners, apparently alone. She grabbed her refilled glass and walked over to her, avoiding everyone on the dance floor.

She leaned against the wall next to the girl. She was a bit taller than her, white skin, blonde hair and brown eyes. "Hey," Santana said, giving her a casual look.

The girl looked at her and smiled, "Hey yourself."

"A pretty crowded night, huh?" Santana asked, taking a sip from her drink.

"Definitely more crowded than other Friday's."

"You come here often? I don't think I've seen you around," Santana mentioned.

"I have seen you. A couple of times," the girl said and Santana smiled.

"Santana," she said, offering her hand.

"Claire," the girl introduced herself. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Santana said, taking a larger sip.

"Had a rough week?" Claire asked, pointing at the, once again, almost empty glass.

"Nothing worth mentioning," Santana said and looked back at the bar. "Can I get you anything?"

"Sure, thanks," Claire said and watched Santana head back to the bar, ordering just a beer. She had a rule now, after many drunk years in college, to never go home wasted. She only drank enough to temporally forget about her problems. Five minutes later she was back.

"I see you come here often," Claire said, smiling. "No way I could've gotten any drink that fast with all the people that's waiting for one."

Santana chuckled, "I'm just good friends with the bartender," she said as she handed her the beer.

"Lucky me, then," Claire said.

"You feel like dancing?" Santana asked, taking a step towards the dance floor.

"Always."

They both headed towards the dance floor and stood near the middle. Santana's breath smelled a little bit of vodka and her senses were also a bit inhibited. She started dancing closer to Claire, her hands roaming across her back, and her dance partner didn't seem to mind. They danced close to each other, Claire's hands surrounding her waist, pulling her closer, Santana's face close to her neck. She started to slowly kiss it, trailing a wet path over to her ear.

"How about I go get my stuff and then we head out of here?" Santana whispered against her ear, causing goosebumps to run down Claire's body. Her only response was a quick nod.

Santana smiled and walked to where they kept her belongings.

"Wow, that was quick," Stacy said as Santana walked over to the bar to say good bye.

Santana raised an eyebrow and turned around. "Don't sound so surprised," she said, smiling.

"I figured I could find you here…" someone said, causing Santana to turn around. Brittany was standing behind her.

"Sorry, you must have me confused with someone else," Santana said and turned around again. Brittany started walking, catching up with her.

"Santana, please wait…"

Santana stopped walking and turned around. "What the hell do you want?" she asked angrily, "Is your precious boyfriend outta town and you wanna get laid? Because you have plenty of women who would give anything to fuck you right now. I'm not one of them!" Santana said.

Her words hurt Brittany, but she couldn't blame her. She knew why she was angry and she didn't expect any other reaction from her. "Santana, stop…" Brittany begged.

"Stop? Why should I stop?" Santana said loudly, causing a few heads to look their way, "Isn't that what you should've said yesterday before your _boyfriend_ walked in?"

"I can explain…"

"What's your explanation, Brittany?" Santana asked, interrupting her. "That you didn't think he was gonna show up? You thought you could get away with it?"

"No!"

"Then what's your excuse, huh? Because I don't see any!"

"I'm sorry, I never thought-!"

"You never thought what? That we were going to kiss? Right, because my face right in front of yours didn't give _that_ away."

"Santana, please, calm down," Brittany said, trying to reach for her, but Santana took a step back.

"Don't fucking touch me!"

Brittany stopped moving and looked at her. "I thought maybe we could talk… I can explain…"

"Well, we're talking, aren't we?" Santana asked, placing her hands on her waist.

"Not like this… Not here."

"So, you come wanting to talk, but now you don't want to talk here?"

"I've been through different clubs trying to find you. I thought we could go somewhere more quiet to talk."

"Oh, yeah? Somewhere like where? You expect me to just walk out of here with you?"

"We need to talk about this."

"No, Brittany. We don't. We didn't need to talk in the first place, but we did. And look what happened!"

"Santana…" Brittany said, she was starting to get nervous. Nothing she said would calm her down and everyone was already looking at them.

"Don't 'Santana' me, Brittany. Seriously. I wish you'd just get the fuck out of here."

"I will , if you just let me explain. That's all I ask. One explanation and then I'll disappear if you ask me to," Brittany begged. She knew she had messed up. She knew she had been wrong. This time she even knew why. She just needed another chance, even if it was just too much to ask.

"I wish you'd never been in my life in the first place," Santana said bitterly and Brittany swallowed. No matter how many fights they had had in the past and these past few weeks, Santana had never said anything as painful. Hurt was written all over Brittany's face as she looked away. She knew Santana could be hurtful, she had just never been at the end of her mean words. It didn't feel pretty.

"Shit…" Santana said, knowing she had gone a little too far. She was mad at Brittany. Pissed, upset, everything. But that didn't mean she could treat her like that. "Just leave me alone, Brittany," Santana said, finally lowering her voice. Forgetting all about Claire, who was standing between the crowd watching the scene unfold, and everyone around them, she grabbed her coat and walked out of the bar.

"I don't like you walking down the streets at this time of the night all by yourself," Santana heard Brittany say, hearing her footsteps a few feet away.

"Too bad. It's none of your business."

"Just one chance, Santana. That's all I ask. One chance to explain."

"Don't you think you've had enough chances already?" Santana asked, without stopping and without turning around.

Brittany started walking faster, although not completely catching up with her. "I know, I know. And I keep screwing up. But I won't this time, I promise."

Santana stopped and looked at her. "I'm tired, Brittany. I'm tired of giving chances and only getting shit in return."

"I never meant to hurt you…" Brittany said sincerely.

"Then why couldn't you tell me? Why wait until he walked in to stop?"

"I didn't know what I was thinking!"

Santana laugh bitterly, "Right. Go ahead and tell me what happened was a mistake. That's exactly what I need to hear," she said sarcastically.

Brittany sighed and scratched her head. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean, Brittany? Start explaining yourself better because I'm getting very impatient."

Brittany took a deep breath and tried to make some sense of her thoughts. "I never thought what almost happened would have… almost happened," she started, "I know I should've mentioned the boyfriend, but I didn't think it was relevant at the moment because I never thought we… would go there again," she said, referring to kissing. "I was so happy to be able to talk to you again, I never for a second thought I had… I never thought you and I were anything more than friends."

"We're not friends," Santana clarified.

Brittany sighed. "I know… But we were, and I thought we could go back to that… I didn't think you'd…" she paused, not sure whether she should say what she was going to say. "I didn't think we would…" she said and looked away, embarrassed. She couldn't even say it.

Santana swallowed. Why did things have to be so difficult? Why couldn't they just be friends and nothing else?

"It doesn't matter what could have or couldn't have happened, Brittany. You have a boyfriend, you should've told me."

"I know. I know that and I'm sorry. A million times sorry. I swear, if I had known…" Brittany sighed, "if I had known we would end up… almost kissing… I'd have said something sooner, but again, I didn't think it was important. I was going to tell you, eventually. But I didn't think the time mattered. I never thought we would end up in a situation like that. I'm sorry."

"But you didn't say anything, not even right before we…" Santana trailed off.

Brittany laughed softly, looking at her, "You can't ask me that much, Santana. When we were in high school, I could never control myself around you…" she said and looked away, blushing, "and I couldn't control myself this time either. I wasn't even thinking right. I didn't even remember Tommy existed at that moment."

Santana winced at the name. "It doesn't matter now."

"I know… I know it doesn't. I know we're not going down that path ever again. I know that. And I accept that. You have your life and I have mine, but I'd honestly love it if we could be friends. I know I've screwed up. I did back in high school and I did yesterday. But I swear, if you give me another chance, I'll never disappoint you again."

Santana sighed. "You can't expect me to just…"

"I don't. Look, you have my number. I'm turning around now and you'll go your way. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me."

Santana swallowed and nodded. This sounded like a good bye. She didn't like good bye's.

"If I could ask you just one last favor," Brittany said as she reached inside her pocket and took a folded paper out of it, "I think maybe I'm better writing than talking… If you could just… Read this, before deciding what to do," she said as she looked at a trash can a few feet away from her, "If not, just throw it away. I'll understand."

Santana took the letter from her hands and put it in the back pocket.

"I'm really sorry, Santana."

"I know…" she said. She knew she was sorry. She just didn't know if she could forgive her.

Brittany took a step forward and softly kissed her cheek before taking two steps back. "You take care of yourself, ok?" Brittany asked, afraid to look into Santana's eyes. She felt like crying. She had screwed up her only chance to get a real friend back and she didn't know if she could forgive herself.

Santana nodded, unable to speak. She didn't understand why things had to end up that way. She watched Brittany walk away and take a taxi before she resumed her walk home.

Once she got there, she sat down on the couch and opened the letter Brittany had handed to her.

_Santana,_

_If you're reading this, first I must thank you for not throwing it away. I understand you're mad at me right now, and I would be too. I know I've screwed up before and now, and I apologize. The things that have happened between us… years ago and now, they have only managed to damage our friendship. I think it's safe to say we have probably let our emotions get in the way and screw up a wonderful friendship along the way._

_I know it's been forever since we talked, but that day I saw you again at the dance studio, I was so happy. It was like rainbows and butterflies everywhere. I was so excited to see you again, yet we started off the wrong foot. I appreciate you finally listening, and I guess that's what i'm relying on now as well. Just for you to listen… or well, read._

_I've missed you, Santana. I would be lying if I said I haven't. Your friendship meant the world to me, and it still does. You're still the only person who knows all my secrets, everything I like and everything I hate. For a second, when we were on that stage, I almost felt like we could go back to that. Go back to that moment where we were best friends, laughing and fighting against the whole world. Together._

_I would give anything to have that friend back. I know I've hurt you. I know I've disappointed you, but I never ever will again if you give me just one more chance._

_There's no one like you, Santana. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me._

_Sincerely,_

_~Brittany_

Santana sat there, staring at the letter, tears streaming down her face. She missed her friendship too, that innocent, fun friendship they had. Whether it could ever be the same again, she didn't know. And she also didn't know if it was worth exposing herself again only to get hurt once more.

Santana left the letter on the table and closed her eyes. She was tired, mentally tired. She didn't want to think at all. All she wanted to do was wake up back in those less complicated days where all she had to do was worry about how to win her next case.

* * *

><p><strong>To be continued...<strong>

**Author's Note:** I hope you guys start 'hating' Brittany less. She didn't mean any harm, although it's impossible not to side with poor Santana! Maybe she'll live up to her words and never disappoint her again? That is, if Santana gives her another chance...


	7. Chapter 7: Decisions

Santana sat in Olivia's living room with her friend's laptop on her lap, looking at the pictures from Sasha's show. It had been a little bit over a week since they had gone and now Olivia wanted her to look at all the pictures and how adorable her daughter looked dancing around. Santana wanted to decline the offer, not finding it fun to watch pictures of what she had already seen a week ago, but she agreed anyway. She knew Olivia was just proud of her little girl.

Santana scrolled through the pictures, sure that if she put them all together she would even be able to recreate the whole thing in a movie.

"Wow. How many pictures did you take?" Santana asked as she kept scrolling, each picture only showing a slight difference from the one before.

"I don't know. Didn't count them." Olivia smiled proudly.

"Thank God for digital cameras, huh? You'd have to spend a fortune if you wanted to print these."

Olivia softly punched Santana, "Shut up."

Santana chuckled and kept scrolling, lingering a little longer on one particular picture: it was a picture with all the girls, Brittany in the middle, all smiling at the camera. This slight pause didn't go unnoticed by her friend, who cleared her throat, getting Santana's attention.

"So…" Olivia started, "Have you decided what you're going to do yet?"

Santana sighed, shaking her head. It had been a week since she had last seen Brittany, since they had shared that conversation on the street and since she had handed her the letter. After that, it had been days of questions and no answers. Santana wasn't sure what to do, whether close the door forever and not look back, or give it another shot. Whatever decision she took, she had to take it soon. Not knowing what to do was killing her.

"Not yet," she replied after moments of silence.

"You know you have to make up your mind, right?" Santana nodded, "Whatever it is, you just can't go another day not knowing what you're going to do. I've seen how distracted you have been by this whole situation."

"I know," Santana admitted. She had been distracted from work, from sleep, from pretty much everything. "I just… I just don't know what to do."

"What's stopping you from making a decision?"

"I guess… I guess I don't want to make the wrong one, you know?"

Olivia nodded, understanding her friend. "Well, every decision has its consequences, but you have to choose anyway. Do you want to be her friend again or not?"

Santana ran a hand through her hair, shrugging. "I don't know… I mean, I look back to when we were friends in high school and yes, it was awesome and I would like to have that back. But then, I look at how much time has passed by and I don't know if it will ever be the same. Maybe I'm hanging on the thought of what we had."

"It certainly won't be the same, San. It's been more than ten years. No one is the same after that amount of time, and you can't expect to have the exact same friendship you did back then. I mean, you guys probably just got together and giggled about stuff. Now it's different. You both have careers, responsibilities… It's not the same. You are not the same."

"I know. That's what scares me. What if I want her friendship back and then it turns out we have nothing in common?"

"I don't think a person's essence changes. You probably still have a lot in common, but it will require getting to know each other again. Do you want that?"

Santana pondered the question for a minute or two. "See, that's what I don't know. When we started talking again, we kinda went back to what we had. It's what we know. I think that's why we almost kissed. Last time we were close friends, we were kissing each other. But now it's different. Brittany has a boyfriend and I am not looking to go after a straight girl I will never have." Olivia nodded, "I can't even say I like her. I mean, sure, she's beautiful and she'll always hold a special place in my heart, she's the first woman I ever loved. But I don't love her now or anything." Santana sighed deeply and buried her face in her hands. "Ugh. Why does it have to be so difficult?"

"I think you're making it more difficult than it should be."

"Why?" Santana wondered.

"Well. What's stopping you from being her friend again?"

"To think that maybe we don't have enough in common to actually be friends."

"Okay, but what's the only way to find that out?"

"…To try and be friends."

"Exactly. All the reasons you've given me so far come in hand with the fact that you don't know whether you guys can be friends or not. But the only way to know that is to give it a try." Santana opened her mouth to reply but Olivia stopped her, "Yes, you kinda tried and it didn't really work out. Why? Probably because of what you just said. You guys tried to go back to what you knew: being friends with benefits. That clearly didn't work and doesn't work. But that doesn't mean being another type of friends won't work."

Santana nodded, understanding where her friend was going. Truth be told, she kind of agreed too. And what scared her the most was thinking that if they didn't become friends again, or at least try to, she would regret it. She had already stopped being friends with her and she forever regretted not doing anything to get her back. Now it was her chance. She didn't want to look back in ten years and think they could've been friends but she didn't give it a try. A real try.

"I guess you're right," Santana finally added, "I'll… I'll think about it, but maybe we could give it one more try."

Olivia smiled and patted her friend's knee. "Well, whatever you decide, you know you still have me."

"That I do," Santana said, smiling back.

* * *

><p>It was Monday at lunch time and Santana found herself standing outside of the dance studio. She had decided to give it another try, but she didn't want to text Brittany or call her. She wanted to sit down and talk things through. She looked through the window and saw Brittany there, her back at her, finishing her lesson.<p>

Santana watched her as she checked the time and started clapping to hurry her students. Soon enough Brittany would be finished and she would have to face her again. Santana swallowed, suddenly not so sure that this was such a good idea. What if it didn't work? What if it only ended up in trouble again?

She was ready to turn around and leave, but she stopped when she saw Brittany grab her ponytail and loose it, shaking her head to the sides, her long, blonde hair falling over her shoulders.

_Brittany turned around and looked at her, surprised to see her there._

_"Hi…" she offered shyly._

_Santana looked at the new girl up and down, not sure what she was doing there. It was after class and the gym was supposed to be empty. It was always empty on Tuesday's, that was how she liked it. Ever since Santana made it on the Cheerios, she had been practicing by herself in the gym. Tuesday's was the only day the gym was empty and she always made sure to scare anyone who dared use it._

_"You done here?" Santana asked coldly, placing her bag down on one of the benches and approaching the girl who was looking at her, confused._

_"Hmm, not yet…" she replied, "But we can share the same space," the girl said, casting a smile her way._

_Santana frowned, not used to people not running away whenever she arrived. The girl was probably new and didn't know who she was. Of course, that wouldn't be a problem for much longer._

_"You know who I am?" Santana asked, trying to ring a bell. She was sure the new girl must have heard of her._

_The blonde shook her head. "No. But I'm Brittany," she said, smiling brightly. "What's your name?"_

_Santana stood in silence for a second, she wasn't used to having to introduce herself. "Ehh… Santana."_

_"Nice to meet you, Santana," Brittany said and pointed at Santana's outfit. "You a cheerleader?" Santana nodded. "Cool!" she said excitedly, "I want to try out. Do you think they will accept me?"_

_"I don't know. They are pretty harsh. You have to be really good," Santana said._

_Brittany looked at her and nodded, turning her eyes down. "Oh…"_

_Santana suddenly felt bad for the new girl, something that had definitely never happened before. "But, you know, if you practice hard enough…" Santana offered, trying not to crash the girl's dreams._

_Brittany's face lit up. "Really?"_

_"Sure," Santana offered, smiling slowly. "Do you know any moves?"_

_Brittany nodded energetically and showed her all she could do. Santana was impressed. "Wow…" she said, "You are really good. I'm sure they will accept you."_

_Brittany jumped up and down and clapped. "That's such great news!" she said, "I really want to be a cheerleader."_

_Santana smiled, not used to being around such an energetic girl. She liked it, it was kind of contagious. "I'm sure you'll be a great one."_

_"And maybe we can practice together?" Brittany asked shyly. She was new to the school and didn't know anyone. The students she had encountered so far had been kind but not very welcoming. She had exchanged a few words with them and they had looked at her, laughed and walked away._

_"Sure," Santana said, not knowing what she was doing. She didn't have any friends at school. She was supposed to be the mean one, not the one making friends with strangers. But for some reason, this time there was something about this girl that didn't make her act like she usually did. "I think that would be great. Maybe you could even teach me some moves," Santana admitted, smiling._

_"Santana?"_

"Santana?"

Santana was brought back from her thoughts when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She shook her head and realized the room she had been staring at was now empty. She turned her head around and found Brittany standing next to her, a quizzical look on her face.

"Hey," Brittany said.

"Hi…" Santana said shyly. She had been so focused on her memory of the first time she met Brittany, she had completely forgotten where she was. Brittany's presence reminded her, but she was at a loss of words. "Hey…" she said again, causing Brittany to chuckle.

"Hi again," she replied and smiled. "What are you doing here? Sasha doesn't come until later…"

"I know. I…" Santana cleared her throat. "I was… um…" she shook her head, "I was wondering if maybe you had time to have lunch?" Santana finally asked.

Brittany tilted her head to the side, frowning. Was this what she thought it was? Or did Santana need something specifically? Santana sensed Brittany's hesitation and spoke again. "I've been thinking… What we talked about the other day, and I… I was wondering if maybe we could, you know, hang out again."

Brittany smiled. She didn't think this day would come. A few days after she had last talked to Santana, Brittany still hoped she would get a call from her, but as days passed by she slowly started to admit it was probably never going to happen. To find Santana there, wanting to be her friend again, had totally and completely made her day.

The lack of an answer worried Santana and she took a step back. "I understand if you changed your mind, maybe-"

"What? No!" Brittany said in a hurry, "Of course I would like to. Just let me get my things and I'll meet you out front."

Santana smiled and nodded.

Both of them didn't know what they were going to say or do, but what they did know was that they were both happy to be in the same room again. As they sat in front of another in a restaurant Brittany swore to be really good, Santana smiled and felt it had been a good decision. Being able to have Brittany back in her life as a friend was something she really appreciated.

Brittany had always been one to cheer her up and make the world a lighter place. She was so calmed and relaxed about everything, even when the world seemed like it would come crashing down, Brittany made her feel safe and that everything was going to be fine.

The waitress came with their food and quickly left, leaving them to themselves.

"You know…" Santana started, "I was thinking about the first time we met," she said, trying to start a conversation.

Brittany laughed, "Really? You still remember?"

"Of course!" Santana said, how could she forget? "You don't?"

"I definitely do. You were the first one to be really nice to me."

"You were the first one I was nice to, too," Santana said, causing them both to laugh. "I don't know what it was about you that didn't make me bite your head off for being in that gym."

Brittany smiled, "It's not like you would have scared me."

"I so would have!" Santana said, offended. She could scare anyone.

"Nuh huh."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just knew, from the moment I met you, that you were the coolest person in that school. And that you were a really nice person as well."

"I could find many that would disagree."

"I've told you many times before, they clearly never got to know you," Brittany said and smiled fondly. "You were always really nice to me."

"I never had a reason not to be… You're just so…" Santana searched for the word in her head. "So… Positive about everything."

Brittany smiled, "It's the only way, you know? We're constantly surrounded by negative things. Negative news, feelings, people, everything. Being positive makes it all better."

"You always managed to make my everything better," Santana said, then bit her lip. She didn't mean for it to sound like that. "I…"

"I understand," Brittany interrupted, squeezing her hand for a slight moment. They fell silent for a few minutes before Santana spoke again. If they were going to be friends, they had to talk about it.

"Look, Brittany," she started, looking at her, "what happened the other day…"

"I'm really sorry," Brittany jumped in and Santana shook her head.

"No, don't apologize. We talked about it and we both know that's not how things were supposed to be." Brittany nodded in agreement. "I just wanted to say… Well, it was a mistake." Brittany didn't agree nor disagree, "I mean, it shouldn't have happened. We are just talking to each other, you have a boyfriend and it's just… wrong." Brittany nodded slowly, not sure where Santana was going with it. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, it won't happen again."

"I know," Brittany said, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice, although she knew Santana was right.

"I guess we just went back to what we knew. Being more than friends. That's how it was before. But it's not like that anymore"

"No."

"So, it was a rough start, but if I'm here now it's because I want to be your friend."

Brittany smiled, "And I want to be yours. I've really missed you."

"Me too, Brittany. I miss laughing about stupid things and just relaxing about stuff, you know?" Brittany nodded, "Every day is really busy and complicated and stressful… It was never like that with you."

"I'll be more than happy to cheer up your days," Brittany said. "You always cheer mine, too."

"So, we are cool?" Santana asked.

"'Course we are."

They sat there, grinning stupidly. It felt nice to be on solid ground again. "So, tell me about this boyfriend of yours."

Brittany's smile soon left her face. "He's just… a nice guy." She didn't feel comfortable talking about him with Santana.

"Oh, come on, if we are going to be friends you have to tell me this stuff."

"Fine. We just met about six months ago. He's a friend of a friend of mine, and she introduced us. We've been going out and stuff."

Santana nodded. "Is he a good guy?"

"For the most part, yeah."

"What do you mean for the most part?"

"Well, you know. He's a guy," Brittany said and Santana chuckled, "he can be a bit immature at times. And he's really workaholic. That day we…" Brittany cleared her throat, "the day of the show, he was supposed to arrive and watch the whole thing but couldn't because of work. Stuff like that suck, but I guess no one's perfect. What about you?"

Santana laughed. "Uh, I…" she looked to the side, "I have things here and there. Nothing serious."

"I'm surprised no one has taken you already."

"You know me. Always hard to catch."

Brittany smiled. It felt nice to just sit there and talk about their every day life. "Well, if you ever feel like meeting someone, I know a couple of girls who might be interested."

Santana's eyebrow shot up. "Oh, really?" Brittany nodded, "Huh, interesting… And how would you happen to know these girls?" Santana asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

"Just friends I know from the business."

"So… you never…"

"Never what?"

"You've never been with another girl?"

"Once in college. But it was a really short thing… it just was never the same," Brittany admitted shyly, looking away. Santana knew what Brittany meant.

"Well, I hope you didn't find guys to be any similar," Santana said, trying to lighten up the conversation.

Brittany laughed, "Definitely not. Completely different." She took a look at the time and nearly jumped. "Oh, no! I should be back in the studio already. Next class starts in like five minutes."

Santana nodded, sad to see her go so fast. She was really enjoying her afternoon. Brittany started to look for money but Santana stopped her.

"Don't worry. I get it this time. You get the next," she smiled and Brittany returned it.

"You sure?" Brittany asked, not only referring to the money.

"Definitely."

Brittany smiled and quickly kissed Santana's cheek. "I enjoyed this very much. Talk to you soon?" she said, already starting to walk away.

"Yeah, give me a call."

Brittany nodded, waved and disappeared out the door. Santana sat there, asking for the check and getting the money ready. She smiled to herself. She felt good. Finally, it felt like she had made the right decision and was on the right track.


	8. Chapter 8: Good and Bad

**AN: Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! It's greatly appreciated. I took some people's comments and added their ideas to this chapter. Hopefully you will like it :) Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Santana checked her reflection in the mirror for what seemed like the tenth time. She took a look around the apartment and confirmed everything was in place and tidy. She looked into the mirror once again and sighed, shaking her head.<p>

_'It's just a friend coming over,'_ she reminded herself before grabbing an empty glass and pouring some water on it, drinking it in one big gulp.

She didn't remember the last time she had been so nervous about someone coming over. Not that she really invited a lot of people, but when she did she was never as conscious about it as she was now. She and Brittany had agreed to get together in her place that Friday night, after a week of messaging and talking on the phone. Everything was going fine, they had been casually talking about life. Catching up and learning what each did on a daily basis. Still, Santana was nervous. This was the first time they would get together, just the two of them, in a private place. They could no longer blame it on work if one of them had to leave. They wouldn't be able to ignore uncomfortable silences pretending they were waiting for the waiter to come over.

This would be, in fact, the first time it would be just the two of them. Santana and Brittany. Nobody else.

Santana swallowed, not sure if it had been a good idea after all. What if they didn't know what to say?

_'Stop it,' _she told herself. She was tired of thinking things through so much. If they were going to be friends she would have to learn how to relax.

Santana checked the clock and sat down on the couch. She still had at least 30 minutes until Brittany arrived. She decided to turn on the TV and try to clear her mind.

Forty minutes later there was a knock on her door. Santana stood up and walked over, peeking through the peep hole. Brittany stood there, looking at the number on her door and then at a paper she was holding in her hand. Santana couldn't help but smile as she opened the door.

"Hey," Santana said and laughed when Brittany looked startled. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

Brittany smiled, "You didn't. I was just in my own little world," she said, blushing lightly.

"Come on in," Santana moved aside, leaving room for Brittany to walk in. "Welcome to my home."

Brittany looked around, smiling. "It's really nice."

"Thank you. It's not too big, but it works for me."

"I like it," Brittany said, taking a step closer to the 'living room', although it was all in the same room.

"I thought maybe we could order some food?" Santana offered.

"That sounds great," Brittany said just in time as her stomach growled. She looked at Santana sheepishly. "Sorry," she said, rubbing her stomach. "Had a busy day, didn't have time for lunch and my stomach isn't very happy."

Santana walked over to the phone and grabbed it. "Pizza?" she asked.

Brittany smiled big. "Yeah," she replied as Santana started dialing a number.

"The usual?" Santana asked and Brittany nodded in response.

"Hi... I'd like to order a pizza... Yeah..." Brittany looked at Santana as she placed the order and couldn't help but smile fondly when Santana recited every single topping she liked on her pizza. She was surprised she still remembered. Brittany wasn't even sure if Tommy knew how she liked her pizza.

"Great. Thanks." Santana hung up and turned to Brittany again. "All done. Should be here in about thirty minutes."

"My stomach thanks you," Brittany smiled.

They stood there, looking at each other for a few seconds, just taking in what it meant for them to be hanging out again.

Santana was still a bit nervous, but much more relaxed than an hour ago. She felt comfortable around Brittany, she knew what to do to make her feel welcomed and that seemed to make everything easier.

Brittany was glad to feel she was gaining her friend back. She was anxious to start catching up and sharing in more depth what both of them had been up to the past years.

Santana cleared her throat, bringing Brittany's attention back to her. "Please, take a seat," she pointed at the couch. "Anything I can get for you in the mean time?"

"Anything to drink would be fine." Brittany replied and watched Santana walk towards the fridge, reaching for a Coke, raising an eyebrow in question. Brittany just nodded and smiled again. "How did you know?"

"You've always liked Coke," Santana explained, walking towards the couch and taking a seat herself.

"But it's been a while. What if I changed my preferences?" she asked curiously.

"You ordered Coke last time we went out for lunch."

Brittany didn't reply and just smiled. It was sweet of Santana to pay attention to those small details. In return, Santana kicked herself for being so obvious about her interest in Brittany. She tried to brush it off as just a caring friend, but part of her knew that wasn't the only reason.

"Ooh, look!" Brittany said excitedly, pointing at the TV. "Do you remember this?" she asked as old cartoons were shown. "We used to watch this all the time!" she looked at the TV and seemed completely taken by the show.

Santana looked at her and smiled. Apparently, she hadn't changed a bit.

_Santana shook her head as Brittany was once again glued to that cartoon._

_"Britt," she said once, not getting any reply. "Britt!" she insisted, this time causing the blonde to turn her attention and look at her._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Can we watch something else?" Santana asked kindly. They were in Brittany's house after all._

_"But Saaaan..." Brittany pouted. Santana rolled her eyes. She knew how to get her._

_"Fine, but after it's done I'm taking the remote."_

_Brittany nodded and turned her attention back to the TV._

_"Geez, you're terrible, did you know that?" Brittany didn't answer. She was once again lost in the television. "Ugh."_

_Santana sat there with her arms crossed, bored. She loved being around Brittany, but when she got stuck watching television, she wished they were doing something else._

_Ever since they had met at the gym six months ago, they had become inseparable. Brittany had found a best friend and Santana had met the only person she didn't feel like being a bitch to. They now sat together in class and Brittany had made it to the cheerleader squad, so they were literally together all the time and Brittany was slowly becoming as popular as Santana._

_Santana's parents didn't spend too much time home, so she usually spent her afternoon with Brittany as well. They'd take turns on the house they'd go to after school so Brittany's mom wouldn't complain because her daughter wasn't around enough._

_Santana sighed loudly, hoping to get Brittany's attention to no avail. Since that didn't work, she pushed Brittany's shoulder but once again she got no answer._

_Santana looked around and grabbed a pillow that was on Brittany's bed. She grabbed it and hit her head with it, not hard enough for it to hurt, but certainly hard enough for her to feel it. It worked._

_"Hey!" Brittany said, rubbing her head, looking at Santana. "Why did you...?"_

_Santana lifted her hands in defense. "Wasn't me. It was the elves."_

_Brittany's face lit up. "They are here?"_

_Santana sighed. This was not working. "No, Britt..."_

_"Oh..." she said, turning her head back to the TV._

_"Uuuugh," Santana said, frustrated. There was only one thing left to do that would work. She got a mischievous look on her face and her hands soon found Brittany's side, tickling her._

_It worked like a charm. Soon enough Brittany was lying on her back, laughing uncontrollably, not paying attention to the show, just laughing hysterically as Santana straddled her and kept tickling her._

_"San..." Brittany managed to say between laughs, "Please!… Stop!… Don't!..." she said and kept laughing, taking breaths each time she could._

_Santana laughed and kept tickling her until she felt she had distracted her enough. She stopped when Brittany grabbed her hands, and looked down at her, only to find Brittany staring back at her. Santana suddenly felt very conscious of her legs around Brittany's waist and the way it felt. Santana swallowed and didn't dare to move._

_"San?" Brittany spoke, barely above a whisper._

_"Y-yeah?" Santana stuttered._

_"Have you kissed a guy before?"_

_Santana chuckled at the question and Brittany blushed, embarrassed. Santana bit her lip, not wanting to make fun of her friend. "I have."_

_Brittany nodded but looked away, letting go of Santana's hands. Santana felt she wanted to ask something else but was ashamed to. "Have you?"_

_Brittany shook her head. "What is it like?" she asked curiously._

_Santana shrugged. "Truth be told, nothing that great. Big opened mouths and lots of tongue," Santana said with a slight shiver._

_"I've always wondered what it's like to kiss someone..." Brittany admitted shyly._

_Santana looked at her and couldn't help but smile. Her friend looked so vulnerable, but was willing to be completely honest with her. Something inside her felt different. The way Brittany was being so open to her, how she was looking at her. The way she felt underneath her. Santana's heart started beating faster, her palms getting sweaty. She brushed them against her clothes and tried to stand up at the same time Brittany spoke._

_"Have you ever kissed a girl?"_

_Santana's movement stopped for a brief second. The question hit a chord. It was something she had been wondering about for a while now, ever since she had started hanging out with Brittany. Sometimes she found herself staring at Brittany without her noticing, wondering how her lips would feel against hers. Santana sat back on the floor, next to Brittany, looking straight ahead._

_"Nope," she answered nonchalantly._

_Brittany looked at her friend and the sudden change of stance. She didn't dare to ask anything else._

_"Have you?" Santana asked quietly, slowly looking at Brittany. She looked back at her and shook her head lightly, biting her lip. Santana's eyes moved towards Brittany's lips and she swallowed, suddenly feeling very nervous. They sat like that for what seemed like minutes, Santana looking at Brittany's lips and Brittany looking at the way Santana was looking at her, suddenly feeling something she had never felt before at the pit of her stomach. And lower._

_Neither of them realized when they started slowly leaning forward until their lips met in a soft, tender kiss. A soft moan escaped Santana's lips. She had kissed many boys before, and none of them had made her feel the way she felt now. Her hand unconsciously moved to cup Brittany's face, bringing her closer as the kiss deepened, both of them exploring the new sensations the kiss was provoking in them._

_Brittany's hands grabbed Santana's waist, as if trying to get a hold of herself. Her body suddenly felt very weak, all her blood had gone to one place, leaving the rest of her body feeling empty. She had always wondered what kissing would feel like, but she never imaged it would be like this. Santana's lips on hers, her hand against her skin, all the sensations running through her body was something she never wanted to let go of. And apparently, neither did Santana._

_"Britt? I'm home!" they heard Brittany's mom call and the door close. Both of them jumped apart, startled. They looked at each other and Santana quickly stood up, walking over to the bed and sitting down away from Brittany, knowing her mom would come in any second, not wanting her to suspect anything._

_Of course, Brittany's mom came in minutes later and said hi to the girls, without realizing something was going on. After she left the room, both of them looked at each other nervously. They somehow knew what was going on wasn't right, but it certainly didn't feel wrong. They knew they didn't want it to be the last time._

_As of that day, they secretly kept kissing whenever they were alone and didn't think they could get caught._

Santana shook her head as she came back to the present and nervously looked at Brittany, thinking she might have caught her, but Brittany was still busy watching the TV. Santana silently thanked Brittany hadn't realized a thing.

A door bell interrupted both of them and Santana jumped from the couch.

"Must be the pizza!" she said and walked over to the door after letting the delivery guy into the building. She opened the door and waited for the guy to arrive with their order. She payed him and closed the door behind her, turning around to face Brittany.

"Food is here," she announced, and Brittany smiled brightly.

"FInally! I'm starving!"

Brittany helped Santana get the plates while she cut the pizza in slices, and they both sat back down to enjoy it.

Brittany moaned loudly as she took the first bite. "God, I don't know if this pizza is incredibly good or I'm just way too hungry."

"I think it's a bit of both," Santana smiled, taking a bite herself.

"Santana?" Brittany asked a few minutes later.

"Yeah?"

"I'm… I'm organizing a party at my place tomorrow and I'd really love it if you could go."

Santana thought about it for a minute. "Who's going?"

"Just a bunch of friends."

"Sure." Santana accepted, a party actually sounded good. She could take a break from the routine.

Brittany smiled. "Great. We're going to have a blast!"

They finished the pizza rather quickly. Apparently both of them had been starving. Santana washed the dishes real quick before taking a seat back on the couch.

"So, tell me about your story," Brittany said, sitting facing Santana.

"What story?"

"Just, you know, how you came out and all that."

"Oh, that. Well, there's not much to tell, really. Acceptance came in college after I met some really good friends that helped me like who I was."

Brittany nodded, feeling a little sad. She wondered why what she had done hadn't helped. She had tried helping Santana accept who she was. "Any girlfriends?"

"In college?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I haven't really had girlfriends. Just… things. I mean, I've been with women. Maybe too much for my own good," Santana admitted, "but only one that I ever called a 'girlfriend', the rest is girls I hook up with every now and then."

"And what about this one girlfriend? She must have been special."

Santana thought about it. "You could say, yes. But it didn't end up very well."

"How come?"

"Hmm… Well, it was not too long after I came out, which was a year into college. I just… I guess I'm not good girlfriend material."

"I don't believe that!"

"Well, believe it. I'm not. She expected a lot of things from me that I never gave her. I guess she was my girlfriend, but I was never hers."

"Did you love her?"

Santana shrugged. "I don't know. I guess not?" Truth was, after Brittany, she had never let herself love anybody again. It hurt too much. "What about you? Before Tommy?"

"Well, while I was touring it was hard keeping a boyfriend, so like you I just had things with guys. Then, when I decided to stay in New York, I met a guy and we dated for a few weeks. After that, not much until Tommy."

"So, he's special?" Santana returned the question.

"I don't know. Like I told you the other day, there are things about him I don't like. But then again, nobody's perfect, right?"

Santana nodded in agreement. She had learned that the hard way. She re-evaluated her love life, admitting she was a bit tired of just sleeping around and not having that one person to go home to every day. But then again, she didn't really imagine herself being that kind of girl. The only time she had thought about it was back in high school, when she had been with Brittany… but now that was in the past and she didn't remember a time she ever felt like that again.

They kept chatting about simple things for a while longer before Brittany had to leave. It had been a long week for both of them and they both needed to get some sleep.

As Santana closed the door behind Brittany after saying good bye, she rested her back against it and smiled. It had felt nice hanging out with Brittany again. It hadn't been nearly as awkward as she imagined. Not seeing each other after so long gave them tons of things to talk about, which helped avoiding uncomfortable silences. It felt good having her back in her life. And she hoped it would only keep getting better.

* * *

><p>Saturday night came by and Santana found herself standing outside Brittany's apartment. From the looks of the building, it already seemed like her place was going to be much bigger than hers, and she wasn't wrong. Brittany lived on the West side of Manhattan, in an apartment that over looked the Hudson River. The view was gorgeous. She entered Brittany's apartment after someone she didn't know opened the door for her and she walked in, looking around. It was a two bedroom apartment, with a separate kitchen, dining room and living room. The place was incredibly beautiful.<p>

"Hey!" Brittany said excitedly as soon as she saw Santana. "So glad you came!"

"Thank you for the invitation," Santana said, handing her coat to Brittany, who had offered to put it away. "Your place is gorgeous, Britt."

Brittany smiled. "Thank you. Please come in, don't be shy. I'll be with you in a second."

Santana watched Brittany disappear into a bedroom and then she walked towards the living room. Around fifteen people crowded the room, some sitting down, others standing up. There was soft music in the background and everyone seemed to be having a good time.

"I'm back." Brittany said from behind, walking up to her.

"So, who are all these people?"

"Most of them are people I've met through work. Either other dance teachers or people who use the rooms to practice after we are done."

Santana nodded and looked around, spotting a dark haired, green eyed girl who looked familiar. "I think I've seen her somewhere before," she commented.

Brittany nodded, "It could be. She's one of my _friends_ I told you about."

"Ohh…" it sinked in. She had seen her a time or two at the bar she frequented, but had never spoken to her.

"Hey, Claudia!" Brittany called and the brunette turned her head in their direction. Brittany waved at her, motioning for her to come over. She was next to them in a second. "Claudia, this is Santana. Santana, Claudia." She introduced them and Claudia looked at Santana, smiling.

"Hi," she said, "I've seen you before."

Santana nodded. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

Brittany smiled and walked away, leaving them to their own conversation.

"Nice to _finally_ meet you," Claudia said, stretching the 'finally'.

"Like wise," Santana said.

"So, how do you know Brittany?"

"We were friends back in high school."

"Oh! It's nice to meet some of Brittany's old friends."

Santana and Claudia sat on the couch, just talking about life. Santana found out Claudia's dad was a lawyer and even though she hadn't followed the same path, she knew a lot about it. An hour into the night, Claudia had had a couple of glasses of wine and was feeling a bit more comfortable around Santana, from time to time placing her hand on her knee or her shoulder when she talked to her. Santana didn't mind the attention, but didn't feel very comfortable either. She turned her head trying to find Brittany and maybe get an escape for a few minutes, only to find her at the door about to open it.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back," Santana said and stood up to walk towards Brittany, but stopped when she saw who was at the other side of the door. Tommy.

That itself wasn't a big surprise. She assumed Tommy was between her "friends" when she mentioned who was going to be at the party. What was a surprise was her reaction when she saw Tommy grabbing her by the waist and kissing her hungrily as soon as he walked in. And watching Brittany react to it.

She sat heavily back on the couch, turning her head away from them. Why did she feel like this? Why, after so many years, did it still hurt to watch Brittany kiss someone else? She shook her head, trying to brush it off. It was probably just a thing of getting used to.

"Are you okay?" Claudia asked her, and suddenly Santana felt having her by her side wasn't such a bad idea.

"Perfect." Santana replied, turning to her and faking a smile the best way she could. "So, tell me, any girlfriends?"

Claudia seemed taken aback by the question, but smiled nonetheless. "No, not at the moment."

Santana nodded. She turned her head slightly back to Brittany, watching her and her boyfriend walk into the living room, approaching them.

"Tommy, you remember Santana?" Brittany said and he nodded, wrapping his arm possessively around Brittany's waist, pulling her closer.

Santana stood up, purposefully placing her hand on Claudia's knee as she did so. "Yeah. Nice to see you again," she lied and this time shook his hand.

"So glad you could make it," Tommy said, kissing Brittany's cheek. "_We_ are happy to have you here." He added, his other hand grabbing Brittany's.

Santana sat back down, unable to move her gaze away from them. Away from his hands on her. All over her. Santana sighed and reached for Claudia's third glass of wine, taking a big gulp.

What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she feel jealous of Brittany's boyfriend? She didn't like Brittany. She didn't. She couldn't. It was over, part of the past. Then _why_ did she feel so uncomfortable watching them? Santana sighed and rested her back on the couch, snuggling closer to Claudia, who of course didn't mind.

Brittany had been watching as Claudia grew closer and closer to Santana as the night progressed. She watched as she slowly started placing her hand on Santana's knee. As she slowly started leaning closer whenever she wanted to say something. She knew Claudia, they were friends and she knew everything she was doing meant she was trying to get Santana in bed. For some reason, she had thought it would be a good idea to introduce them. Now that she looked at it, it didn't seem like a great idea at all.

The minute Tommy had arrived, she had kissed him as hard as she could. She needed to get the feeling she was having out of her head and clinging onto Tommy was the only way she knew how. Now they were standing in front of Santana and Claudia, and as she watched them get closer by the second, she couldn't ignore the knot in her throat. What had she done?

Santana turned her head and whispered something into Claudia's ear, making her laugh. Brittany tried to swallow the lump in her throat to no avail. Why did she have to stand there and watch those two? She turned towards her boyfriend and spoke up.

"Baby, do you wanna dance?" she asked and Tommy immediately nodded. They both headed towards the small group of people who were moving to the song's tune.

Santana sat there, pretending she was paying attention to what Claudia was saying, but her eyes and mind were on Brittany. The way she moved was intoxicating. She placed her hands around Tommy's neck, moving her hips from side to side. Santana watched as his hands slowly started sliding from her waist to her ass, but she couldn't look away. She sat there and watched as they kissed again, she watched how his hands roamed all over her body like she had done years ago. She watched as Brittany turned around, moving her ass over his crotch. That was more than she could take. She stood up in a jolt and extended her hand to Claudia.

"Feel like dancing?"

"Thought you were never going to ask," Claudia said and stood up quickly. Soon they found themselves dancing next to Brittany and her boyfriend.

Santana tried to get rid of her jealousy–wait, no, it wasn't jealousy. It was just her not being used to seeing Brittany with someone. Yes, that was it. Whatever that annoying nagging feeling was, Santana tried to replace it by standing really close to Claudia. Her dance partner took that as a hint and immediately wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Santana didn't object, on the contrary, she started pressing her body against hers.

Brittany watched them, feeling sick to her stomach. Why did watching them dance so close cause her to feel like this? She couldn't explain it. She _didn't_ want to explain it. They were just friends. Simple as that. And her _friend_ was having fun. Why was that so wrong?

Brittany grabbed Tommy by the neck and brought his mouth close to her, taking his bottom lip between hers. He was surprised, he didn't remember the last time Brittany had been all over him, but he wasn't about to complain.

Santana casted a look at them just as Brittany kissed him and couldn't take it anymore. Whatever it was that was going inside her mind, whatever it was that was making her feel this way, playing a little contest in her mind against Brittany wasn't a solution.

She looked at Claudia who was oblivious to the whole situation and to her thoughts and casted an apologetic look her way. She leaned into her ear and whispered so she could hear her above the music. "I'm sorry. Can I get a rain check? I'm not feeling very well," Santana excused herself. She didn't mind how lame she sounded.

Claudia stopped dancing and looked at her, worried. "Are you okay? Do you need me to take you home?" she whispered back.

Santana smiled but declined the offer. "I'm fine."

Brittany watched them whisper into each other's ears and felt even worse. She started to run her hands under Tommy's shirt, lifting it up, until a firm grip stopped her.

"Woah, woah, Britt. Are you okay?" Tommy asked. She was never like this, let alone in public.

Brittany looked at Santana whispering into Claudia's ear again and looked back at him, nodding. "I'm fine," she said, trying to get rid of his grip and continue what she had started, but he took a step back. He knew something was not right.

"I'm leaving." Santana announced, looking at them.

"So soon?" Tommy asked.

"Yeah. Not feeling very well," she lied.

Brittany looked at her and then at Claudia. Then back at Santana. Sure she didn't feel right. She could bet Santana was just making an excuse to leave and Claudia would do the same right after.

"Fine." Brittany said, surprising all of them. "Thanks for coming."

"I…" Santana looked at her, her mouth open. She never expected such a cold answer to come from her. "Yeah." She finally said and turned around to leave.

Tommy and Claudia looked at each other, confused. They didn't understand what was going on. Santana closed the apartment door behind her and rested her back against it, running a hand through her hair. How could the same action feel so different just a day apart? Just yesterday she had leaned against her door, feeling happy that Brittany had gone to her house. Now, as she leaned against Brittany's door she felt like crying. Why did she have to feel like this?

_'What the hell is wrong with me?'_ she asked herself. Images of Brittany and Tommy dancing, kissing, touching, run through her mind again, making her want to throw up. She grabbed her stomach and walked to the elevator, taking deep breaths.

This was definitely not how her night was supposed to go.

Brittany stood inside the apartment, staring at the door Santana had just walked out of. Tommy grabbed her hand and tried to pull her back into dancing, but she shook him off.

"Not now, Tommy," she said as she walked away and into her bedroom. She closed the door behind her and sat on the bed.

_'What the hell was that all about?'_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing :) More to come soon!<strong>  
><em>


	9. Chapter 9: Feelings

**CHAPTER 9**

Sunday morning found Santana sitting on her bed after a night of little sleep. She arrived from Brittany's a little after 1am and wasn't able to fall asleep until at least 5am. She rubbed her eyes lazily, not really feeling like doing much. She was supposed to have lunch with Olivia, but truth be told she just wanted to stay in bed all day. She reached for her phone and texted her friend.

'_Won't make it to lunch. Rain check?'_

_'Is everything okay?'_ Santana couldn't help but smile a little at Olivia's concern. She knew her well.

_'Yeah. Just feeling lazy'_

_'Enjoy your Sunday then :) See you at work'_

Santana set her phone back on the night stand and sighed, lying back down on the bed and closing her eyes, trying to get a little bit more sleep.

Two hours later she woke up again, this time feeling a little more rested. She yawned and looked at the clock. 12pm. Her stomach growled, reminding her she hadn't had any breakfast. She pushed the sheets back and sat up, her legs hanging from the bed. She was going to make herself some breakfast and then get back into bed. It sounded like the perfect plan. Except it wasn't. Something was ruining her day and she knew exactly what it was and although she had been trying to push it to the back of her mind, it kept trying to resurface.

_Brittany_.

Yes. The night before had been a disaster, and what was supposed to crown a great weekend together (hanging out in her apartment on Friday and going to her party on Saturday) ended up with a bitter feeling. As Santana started preparing breakfast, almost automatically and without focusing on what she was doing, her mind went to that place she had been avoiding since she got back from the party.

She remembered seeing Brittany kiss Tommy with so much passion. She also remembered the knot forming in her stomach as she watched them. She knew that feeling well. Jealousy. She had been completely and utterly jealous. But why? That was the question she needed an answer to but couldn't find it. Why did Brittany, after all these years, still made her feel that way?

She thought she had overcome it. She figured she had been able to move on, but her body was telling her otherwise. If she had moved on, why did she feel that way when she saw Brittany kiss her _boyfriend_? Now she didn't have an excuse. Last time, Santana had felt tricked because Brittany hadn't warned her about the boyfriend. _And_ they had been an inch away from kissing. This time it was different, she knew about Tommy and also knew he was going to show up.

Then why couldn't she shake it away? Santana grabbed her scrambled eggs and her cup of coffee and went back to bed. She turned the TV on and lazily started eating.

She tried to find a reason for her behavior. She tried to think of a good explanation why her body still reacted that way, but she couldn't find any answers. She wished she would just be able to shake the feelings away and move on, but the problem was she still wanted Brittany in her life.

Despite last night's events, Friday night had been a lot of fun. Feeling she had her old friend back was good and she remembered going to bed with a big smile on her face. Why couldn't she just put her feelings aside and pretend everything was okay?

Santana felt bad. She had acted really weird last night and probably left Brittany wondering what was going on. In fact, Brittany's reaction wasn't the one she was expecting. Usually she is understanding and supportive, but last night she was cold, distant and didn't seem to care. Was she getting tired of her shit? Santana figured that could be an answer. Why would Brittany even want to keep trying being her friend if they ended up having a bad time every two nights they spent together?

Santana couldn't find an answer as to why she still felt jealous. She couldn't understand why she was reacting that why. The only thing she knew was that she still wanted to be Brittany's friend, so she was just going to have to cope with that feeling every time she saw her with Tommy until it eventually went away. Because it would go away, right?

She grabbed her cellphone and looked at it. She unlocked it and searched through her contacts until she found Brittany's number. She stared at it for a long while. What was she going to say?

_Santana looked at her phone. It was vibrating for the tenth time. It was Brittany calling her, but she didn't feel like picking up. After last night's party, Santana didn't really feel like talking to her. She didn't even know what she would say. Everything was just… weird._

_The phone stopped vibrating for two seconds and then started again. Brittany was calling once more. She sighed and rolled her eyes at her friend's insistence. She grabbed the phone and decided to pick up. If not, Brittany was going to keep calling, that was for sure._

_"'lo?" she said casually, pretending she hadn't been next to the phone for the past twenty minutes and didn't know who was on the other side._

_"Hey San." _

_"Oh, hey Britt. What's up?" She tried to play it cool._

_"Can I come over to your house?"_

_Santana looked around, trying to find an excuse. "Ehh… Not today, Britt," she said, "my parents are throwing a party and it's too crowded." She said as she walked closer to her radio to make it seem like there was a lot of noise around her._

_"Are they saving the planet?"_

_Santana frowned. "Huh?"_

_"I don't see any cars outside of your house." Brittany explained. "Did they all walk here to save the planet?"_

_Oh shit. She's here already? "Uhm… I…" Santana was caught in her lie._

_"Can I please come in?"_

_Santana walked over to her window and opened the curtains. She looked down and saw Brittany standing on the sidewalk. She waved shyly. Santana closed the curtains and hung up. She was already here, there was no way she could get away from it. She walked downstairs to the front door and opened it. Brittany was already standing on the other side._

_"Hey…" Brittany said softly._

_"Hi… Come on in." Santana offered, "Let's go to my room."_

_"Where's the party?" Brittany asked and Santana felt bad for lying to her. She didn't even bother trying to cover her lie anymore and just kept quiet._

_They walked back up to Santana's room and she closed the door behind her._

_"What are you doing here, Britt?" Santana asked, making sure she didn't sound like she didn't want her here. Truth was she had missed her all day and was kinda glad she had showed up at her house._

_Brittany sat on her bed and looked at Santana, who was still standing close to the door. "Did I do something to upset you?"_

_Santana swallowed. Was she that obvious? "Why do you ask me that?"_

_"Last night you just left. You never leave without me." Brittany explained, a hint of sadness in her voice. Santana swallowed again. She hated hurting her friend, but last night had been too much for her._

_It had all started when Puck invited them both to a party at one of his friend's house. They agreed like they always did. Santana and Brittany spent most of the night together, dancing and laughing, until a guy walked up to Brittany and walked away with her. At first, Santana didn't think much about it. It was nothing new, guys always walked up to them and they ended up… doing stuff. But for some reason, this time it was different._

_It had been a while since they had developed this "more than friendship" relationship, and Santana found herself enjoying it more and more each time. They'd sneak around whenever they could to get some alone time and make out. At first it started casually, they would every now and then, but as weeks went by, Santana found herself wanting more and more of Brittany. She would kiss other guys in between, but none of them made her feel the way she did. It was different. With Brittany it was special._

_At one point during the party, Santana went looking for Brittany. She was bored and didn't have anyone else she wanted to talk to, so she went searching for her friend. She asked Puck and some other guys if they had seen her and they all shook their heads 'no'. She went to the bathroom with no luck either, until she passed one of the bedroom's doors and heard an all too familiar giggle coming from inside. She knew that was where Brittany was._

_She swung the door open without even thinking about it. "Hey, Britt-" she stopped herself when she fully opened the door and looked inside. She saw Brittany lying on the bed, the guy on top of her, both of them shirtless. Santana immediately closed the door behind her and turned around. She didn't know if they had actually noticed her or if they had been too busy, but she knew she had to get out of there. Fast._

_It was weird. It wasn't the first time she had walked on Brittany doing stuff with guys. In fact, it was almost a regular thing to go get her when it was getting too late or when she thought Brittany was taking too long. But this time it wasn't the same. Seeing Brittany kissing that guy, lying on the bed almost naked made her want to vomit. Not because of the way she looked, but because it wasn't her who had been kissing her._

_Santana shook her head and tried to get away from the house as soon as possible. Puck tried to stop her on her way, but she just brushed him off and left. On the way to her house, tears started to slowly fall down her cheeks. She was confused. She was scared. Why did she feel like that? Why did she feel so betrayed? She had never felt that way before. She had seen Brittany kiss other guys a thousand times before. Why was it different now?_

_"I… I just didn't feel very well." Santana finally explained._

_"You should have told me, San! I don't like it when you drive when you're not feeling well."_

_"I'm sorry. I just knew you were… busy." She said, not able to actually say the words._

_"I don't care. You are much more important to me than any guy I may be making out with." Santana winced at her words. The pain at her chest came back as the images of what had been going on in that bedroom flashed through her mind._

_"I-I'm sorry. I'll tell you next time." She closed her eyes, just thinking that there was going to be a next time made her feel even worse._

_"Are you sure that's it?" Brittany asked, sensing there was something else. Santana's distance wasn't normal. She was still standing a few feet away from her._

_Santana just nodded. What was she supposed to say? 'No, I'm not feeling well, I saw you kissing that guy and I hated it. You can't kiss anybody else but me. But shh, don't tell anyone, because I'm too scared to admit what we have been doing.' Santana shook her head at her stupid thought._

_"Come here." Brittany said and patted the spot next to her on the bed. Santana reluctantly walked over and sat next to her. Brittany wrapped an arm around her and pulled her tight. "Are you sure everything's okay?"_

_Santana nodded in response, afraid that if she spoke she'd break down._

_Brittany's hand searched for hers and hold it tightly. "You mean the world to me," Brittany whispered and looked at Santana. Santana blushed and avoided her gaze. "Look at me," Brittany said more firmly this time, and Santana did as she was told. "I don't care if I'm making out with Brad Pitt," Santana frowned at the choice of example. That guy wasn't even hot anymore. He was old. "You will always come first, okay? If you're not feeling well, you tell me and we just leave."_

_Santana smiled slowly._

_"I love you, San."_

_Santana felt herself tearing up. She loved her too. Maybe more than she was supposed to. And she was scared to death to admit it. "I love you too, Britt." She whispered softly and felt Brittany wrap her in a tight hug. Santana rested her head on her shoulder, placing a soft kiss on her neck. "I really, really do." She whispered, so softly that Brittany didn't hear her._

Brittany held her cellphone in her hand and looked it. Then she tossed it on the bed. Then she grabbed it again and stared at it for another ten seconds before leaving it on her side _again_. She sighed. She had been woken up by Tommy at least two hours ago, he kissed her good bye and said he had to go prepare a presentation for the next day, leaving Brittany to herself and her thoughts.

And she had spent the last two hours staring at her phone and picking it up, wondering if she should call Santana and apologize. Last night after she had left, she went to her bedroom and spent a good portion of the night there. It wasn't until Tommy came in looking for her that she forced herself to go out again and spend sometime with her guests.

She was mad at herself. Mad for reacting so badly at Santana when she said she had to leave. So what if she had lied and said that only to meet Claudia later? (which couldn't have been anyway, because she stayed there until the party was over). Why was that such a big deal? They were friends. Brittany had a boyfriend and Santana was entitled to be with whoever she wanted. She had even introduced them in the first place. How ridiculous was it for her to get mad at them?

Brittany tossed the phone aside again. What was she supposed to say? She couldn't come up with a good excuse. She only hoped Santana hadn't noticed anything weird, but she figured she had. The way she had talked when Santana announced she was leaving even made Claudia and Tommy look at her strangely. She never talked like that. Santana knew her, even if they hadn't seen each other in years, she still knew her well enough to know that something had bothered her.

Maybe she just had to wait until Santana called her again? Or maybe she would never call… What if that was the case? Was Brittany just going to let her walk away and never come back? Brittany sighed, running a hand through her hair. Why couldn't things be easier? She bet Santana had already moved on. I mean, the way she was flirting and touching Claudia clearly showed there was nothing between them. Why did she feel this way now?

There was something about Santana. Something that had always caught her attention. Something that had been the exception as to why they had been more than friends but it had never worked out with any other girl. But to Santana it was different. Santana was a lesbian and liked other girls. They had talked about this already, nothing was going to happen between them. They were _friends_.

Brittany walked over to the bathroom and washed her face. She had to just forget about last night. It was probably just the surroundings. Being in a party with Santana again probably brought old feelings back, but it didn't mean anything, right? She had to push those jealousy feelings aside if she didn't want to lose her again. She probably felt like she would lose her friend again if Claudia got in the way, but that was ridiculous. They were friends and Claudia would be something more. It was completely different.

Brittany dried her face and walked back to the bed. She didn't feel like doing anything today. She looked at the phone and took it in her hands again. She wanted to call Santana, but she didn't know what to say. For the last time, she tossed it aside and buried her face on a pillow.

Brittany woke up when she felt her phone make a sound. A message came through. It was probably Tommy.

_'I had a great time last night. Sorry I had to leave. Thanks for the invite :)'_ It was Santana. Brittany smiled. So she wasn't mad? Maybe she had been overreacting this whole time. Maybe she hadn't even noticed anything.

_'I'm glad you had fun. Are you feeling any better?'_

Santana looked at the message and swallowed. It seemed like everything was fine. Brittany wasn't mad and it wasn't weird. Maybe she didn't even realize she had been acting different.

_'Yeah. Been resting all day'_

_'Me too. I love Sunday's'_

Santana smiled. Brittany had always enjoyed Sundays. It used to be the day they would wake up in the same bed after getting back from their parties.

Santana put the phone down and sighed in relief. She was afraid Brittany was going to completely ignore her and tell her she was bored of her crap. She was glad it wasn't the case and they were still on the right track. She just figured she would have to push her feelings away and that would be it. They weren't a big deal anyway. She had just felt jealous when she saw them kissing. It was probably because she wanted a girlfriend. Yeah. That was probably it.

* * *

><p>"Hello?" It was a week and a half later and Santana was in her office, putting everything together for the end of her day. Brittany and her had been casually messaging each other, occasionally talking on the phone, both unconsciously avoiding seeing each other. They both figured out, on their own, that if they gave it some distance everything would be fine the next time they got together.<p>

"Santana!"

"Brittany? Is everything okay?"

"Santana, Santana, Santana, Santana!" Brittany said excitedly.

"What, what, what, what!" She replied once she realized the screaming didn't mean something bad was happening.

"You will _not_ believe what I just saw!"

"What?"

"Guess!"

"Umm…" Santana tried to think really hard. "Geez, I don't know Britt. There's so many things you could've seen."

"Breadstix!"

"What?" She was really confused.

"Breadstix!" Brittany repeated.

"The restaurant?"

"Yeah!"

"Where the hell are you, Britt?" Santana asked. Had she taken a trip home or something? She didn't remember her mentioning anything like that.

"I'm here, duh."

"In New York?"

"Yes!" Santana could feel Brittany getting impatient. She was still not catching on.

"So where did you see Breadstix?"

"Here!"

"In New York?" Santana asked again, this time understanding.

"Yes!"

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"I'm not! I swear, they opened it a few days ago and I passed it today on my way to work. We have _got_ to go, San!"

Santana smiled widely. She sounded like a little girl excited for Christmas. "Of course!"

"Is it a date?" Brittany asked, covering her mouth after she had said the word. Then she relaxed, Santana knew what she meant.

"You betcha!" Santana said, catching on her excitement.

"See you tonight?"

Santana laughed. She couldn't even wait a day. "Sure. Does 6:30pm sound okay?"

"It sounds perfect! I'll send you a message with the exact address. I'll meet you there!" Brittany said and hung up before even saying good bye. Santana smiled, knowing it was just her enthusiasm getting the best of her. She was so excited to go to their favorite restaurant again that she didn't even think of the consequences of seeing each other again after the last time.

Santana stopped by her apartment to get changed before heading out. Brittany had messaged her the address about two minutes after they hung up and she knew exactly where it was. She left her apartment with a smile on her face. Going with Brittany to Breadstix? It couldn't be a better night.

She arrived twenty minutes earlier and went inside, looking for a table. As expected, it wasn't really crowded. The restaurant only opened a few days ago (she had done some research to confirm it was the same restaurant they used to go to and not just someone copying their name) and it wasn't really well known yet. Wait until they hear how good it is.

She looked around to see if Brittany had arrived, but she wasn't there yet. A waiter greeted her and told her to take a seat wherever she thought was best. She chose the table next to the window and sat down. She started checking out the menu and smiled when she saw pretty much the same dishes they had in the original one. She knew exactly what to order and assumed she knew what Brittany would get as well.

_Brittany_.

Now that she was at the restaurant and the initial excitement was kind of going away, Santana realized they would be alone again. She sighed. She was so tired of having to worry whether they were alone or not. Or worrying about her feelings getting the best of her.

_Get a grip, Lopez._

So what if she had felt jealous that Saturday night? It didn't mean anything. It probably had something to do with what Olivia had told her once. She was not used to seeing Brittany with Tommy, that was it. It wasn't even jealousy. It was just a strange feeling for seeing something she wasn't used to. That had to be it. It was impossible she still had feelings for Brittany.

Santana decided to just enjoy the night. They were going to eat at Breadtsix, what could go wrong about that? Great food, great company. She had to leave everything aside and just enjoy the evening.

Santana looked up from her menu when she heard the door open and the same waiter greet someone else. A couple went in and chose a table on the other side of the restaurant. A few minutes later, she heard the door open again. This time it was Brittany. Santana's jaw opened and she had to immediately close it when her eyes landed on her.

She was wearing tight light blue jeans that hugged her legs just the right way. A black tank top that was tight in the right places and then loose towards the bottom. She looked gorgeous. Santana swallowed, trying to keep her thoughts away from that area. But there was nothing wrong with it, right? She liked women after all, and there was nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful woman. And Brittany was definitely that.

"Hey," Brittany said, smiling as she approached the table.

"H-hey." Santana stuttered and kicked herself for it. _Behave, Santana!_

"Sorry I'm late."

Santana looked at the time. "Britt, it's 6:32."

"I know you hate waiting." She said as she took a seat across from her.

"It was worth the wait." Santana smiled, then kicked herself again. Was she flirting?

Brittany smiled at the sweet words and grabbed the menu. "Anything good?"

"Oh, yes!" Santana said, "You're going to love this place."

"I already do!" She said with the same excitement she had when they talked on the phone.

"What can I get for you ladies?" The waiter asked after Santana had signaled him to come over.

"She'll get the shrimps," Santana interrupted and smiled at Brittany who beamed at her.

"How did you know?"

Santana shrugged. "Lucky guess." She winked at her.

Brittany smiled brightly. Her smile was so contagious, Santana couldn't help but smile herself. They ordered their drinks and Santana ordered her food before the waiter left.

"I can't believe this is here. Or that we are here. I don't know." Brittany said, looking around, amazed.

She looked adorable. Santana watched her every move. Her eyes growing bigger as she looked around the place that looked so familiar. Her smile growing wider as she scanned the seats, the walls, everything.

"I'm glad you found it." Santana added.

"I'm glad you're my first." Brittany stopped abruptly. What was wrong with her and her sentences today? Santana blushed. Her mind went elsewhere as well. She kinda had been her first in other aspects too. _Kinda_. "I mean, I'm glad you are the first person to come here with me."

Santana nodded, trying to push her _other_ thoughts away from her mind. Why was her mind going there? Brittany was a _friend_. Nothing more than just a friend. Sure, a hot, attractive friend. But a friend nonetheless. She tried to think back to Olivia. They were friends as well, close friends. Sure she had had thoughts like that about her, right? Santana tried to think really hard. Right? Nope… actually not. And Olivia was attractive, no one could deny that. But she had never felt that way about her. She had never thought about her differently. Maybe because nothing else had ever happened between them? Yeah. That was probably it.

"Remember all the times we went to Breadstix back home?" Brittany's words interrupted her thoughts.

"How could I forget? We went there every single week! More than once."

"I had been dreaming of going again for so long."

"I'm glad they opened one here." Santana said and looked tenderly at Brittany. She seemed so happy. She loved seeing her smile so big.

"I am, too. And I'm glad you're here with me, San. I'm really glad I have you back in my life." Santana smiled, trying to push any other thought out of her mind. She had to enjoy this moment with Brittany. She couldn't freak out _again_ and ruin everything.

"I'm glad to have you back in mine too." She said sincerely. Santana grabbed Brittany's hand, which was resting on the table, and squeezed it slightly. It was only intended as a friendly gesture, but the minute their hands touched, Santana felt a jolt going through her body. Brittany's thumb was resting next to hers, so Santana started to slowly play with it. Brittany looked surprised at first, pleasantly surprised. She smiled at Santana and slowly relaxed.

Why couldn't she just be around Brittany without feeling anything? The way she had felt the minute their hands had touched was not normal. But she was enjoying it. They had always been close friends. They were always touching each other, holding hands, linking pinkies, hugging, etc. Why couldn't it be that way now? It didn't mean anything. They had always been _physical_ friends. If they were the same now, it didn't mean anything else.

Her body was betraying her. Her mind was on one side telling her they were friends, reminding her Brittany was straight. Her body, on the other hand, was reacting like a 15 year old whenever she even came close to Brittany.

"Is everything okay?" Brittany asked.

Santana nodded. "Sure, why?"

"You just went quiet all of the sudden." Brittany worried she had done something to upset her.

"Oh. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

Santana shrugged. "Old times." She said and smiled.

The waiter arrived with their orders and left after confirming they didn't need anything else at the moment. Brittany tried her shrimps and smiled.

"God, this is so good!"

"I know! Just like it was back home. God, I'm so glad you found this place, Britt."

They were both too busy enjoying their food to even talk. They shared a couple of smiles over the table, but stayed quiet for most of the evening. After they were done eating, they asked for some breadsticks and ate until they couldn't handle anymore.

"I'm stuffed." Brittany said and leaned back on the chair.

"Tell me about it."

"The worst part is, I could eat this every single day."

"That's not bad at all. In fact, I'd come with you every day."

Brittany chuckled and searched for the waiter, motioning for him to bring the check. Santana started to pull her money out, but Brittany stopped her. "My treat this time, remember?"

"It's not necessary, Britt."

"I insist." Brittany said, pushing her money away and smiling at her.

The waiter came by and Brittany paid for their delicious dinner. Once he was gone, they both stood up.

"Do you feel like walking for a little bit?" Brittany asked. "I'd like to let the food move a little bit further down."

Santana nodded. "That actually sounds like a great idea."

They left the restaurant and started walking down the street, towards the High Line. It wasn't long before they reached it, climbing the stairs and walking towards the other end.

"They did a really good job with this." Brittany mentioned casually as they were walking side by side.

"I was never here before it was finished, but it looks amazing. It's cool to think these used to be train rails."

"It was really abandoned before. Now it's a great place to walk, especially around this time of the day."

Santana looked at Brittany and smiled. She looked gorgeous, the sun was starting to set and the color of the sky looked perfect reflected on her skin. She found herself staring at her, while Brittany talked about a time she had tripped over a train rail when she was little.

"San?" Brittany asked, when she realized she wasn't paying attention.

"Huh?" Santana felt herself blushing. She had been caught. "Uhh… Sorry about that."

Brittany smiled. "It's okay… Do I have anything? Like food or something?" Santana shook her head in reply and pushed Brittany's hand away, which was already on her face trying to find the piece of shrimp that, she thought, had caught Santana's attention.

"You're… perfect." Santana said slowly.

Brittany swallowed at the words, suddenly feeling nervous. The way Santana had said it made her feel butterflies at the pit of her stomach. She knew it was butterflies and not the shrimp she had at the restaurant. Before she could say anything, Santana grabbed her by the arm and pulled her to the side.

"Let's sit here." She said once they reached a couple of seats over looking the 10th Ave. Brittany just nodded and followed her down the steps. There was a couple a few seats above them, but they left a few minutes later.

"I love this city…" Brittany said after a moment of silence.

"I've grown to love it too."

"I never thought I'd find you here."

Santana laughed. "Yeah, me neither. I figured you were still touring around the world."

Brittany hugged herself, rubbing her arms, suddenly feeling a bit cold. "I'm glad I'm not. I much rather be here." _With you._

"Are you cold?" Santana asked. It had been a warm day, so none of them had brought a jacket, but now that the sun had set the wind was a bit chilly.

Brittany nodded. "But I'll be fine." Santana scooted a bit closer and put an arm around her, rubbing Brittany's arm with her hand. She was a bit cold herself.

"Do you want to get going?"

Brittany shook her head. "Not yet."

They sat there, contemplating the cars passing beneath them, enjoying the night. Santana felt Brittany lean her head against her shoulder, and she automatically pulled her closer. It was weird being like this with her again, but she didn't mind. It felt nice. Santana turned her head to place a soft kiss on Brittany's head, and as she did she took in her scent. She always smelled so good. Her stomach tightened and she crossed her legs as a reaction.

"Are you cold?" Brittany asked, without lifting her head.

"No, no." _On the contrary._

"If you want to leave-"

"I'm fine, Britt." Santana interrupted her gently. "Really."

"Okay." Brittany reached for Santana's free hand and took it in hers. She intertwined their fingers and sighed contently.

Santana felt her pulse racing. Every new touch from Brittany put her more nervous. "Britt?" Santana spoke softly.

"Hmm?" Brittany answered. When Santana didn't continue, she lifted her head and looked at her. "Yeah?"

Santana looked at her. She was so beautiful. Breathtaking. She had never met anyone like her. Santana swallowed. The more time they spent together, the more she was reminded of why she had fallen in love with her all those years ago. And the more time they sat there, the more she understood why she couldn't shake the feelings away. Some things were still the same. "Thanks for dinner." Santana said finally, not wanting to share her actual thoughts with her.

"You're welcome." Brittany said, smiling.

Santana didn't think what she was doing, she was just living the moment. Brittany was there, sitting close to her. They were holding hands. And they were alone. She leaned forward and kissed her cheek, for a little bit longer than a friend normally would. Then she pulled away, looking into Brittany's eyes, trying to see if she was imagining things.

So what if she wasn't? It's not like things would work between them. Brittany had a boyfriend. She was straight. Or wasn't she?

She searched Brittany's eyes, trying to find a hint that indicated she wasn't imagining things. Brittany looked back at her, and this time she leaned forward and kissed her cheek, just outside of the corner of her mouth. Santana unconsciously squeezed Brittany's hand as she stayed there for a second longer.

When Brittany leaned back, both of their hearts were beating faster. They just sat there, looking at each other. It had been a perfect evening. They had dinner at their favorite restaurant and now they were enjoying the view and the company. Was this how hanging out with a friend should feel like? For a moment, Santana didn't care. It felt nice, and that was what mattered, until…

It was like a bucket full of ice had been thrown in her face. It happened in just minutes, although it felt like seconds. One moment they were just staring at each other, kissing each other's cheeks. The next, Brittany's phone was ringing and she picked it up.

"Hey, Tommy." Brittany said, and Santana's throat tightened. "Yeah, it was so good!" she answered, looking away from Santana. "I'm definitely taking you there."

That was all Santana needed to wake up from their small bubble. How could she be so stupid? Of course Brittany didn't feel the same way! Why did she even let herself go there for a second? Why on earth did she brush it off? This was _exactly_ the same position she had been in years ago. She had feelings for Brittany, she couldn't deny that. And Brittany seemed oblivious, she had a boyfriend and whatever happened between them was never anything relevant.

Santana stood up quickly, causing Brittany to look at her. "Tommy? I-I have to hung up, I'll call you later." Santana was already walking up the stairs back to the High Line trail.

"Santana, wait!" Brittany said and caught up with her after three big jumps. "Where are you going?"

"Home." Santana replied shortly.

"What's wrong? Why so fast?"

Santana looked at her and shook her head. "Was I really just imagining things?"

"What?"

"I can't do this, Britt." Santana said bitterly. "I can't fucking do this shit _again_."

"Santana, I-"

Santana raised her hand and stopped her. "I don't wanna hear it, okay? I know. I know you have a boyfriend, I know you're madly in love with him and I know you want us to be friends. But I can't," Santana started lowering her voice once she realized she was talking too loud. "I can't do this again, Britt," Santana said and her voice cracked. "I can't pretend to be your friend when I feel _things_ every time you look at me."

Brittany opened her mouth to reply but Santana stopped her again. Brittany tried to take a step closer but was stopped when Santana put her hand on her chest. "Brittany. Please. I know it's not your fault, okay? This time I don't blame you. It's me. I'm the one who hasn't completely moved on." Santana decided to be honest. She was surely never going to see her again, she might as well speak the truth. "I like you, Britt. Really like you. And I can't just push those feelings aside, no matter how bad I want us to be friends again."

Brittany just stood there, letting her talk. She didn't know what to say. She knew she had been feeling things as well, but she never thought Santana was on the same page. Now that she knew this, she didn't know what to do.

_Tommy._

She couldn't leave him. She just couldn't.

Santana stood there, looking at her, hoping _maybe_ this time things would be different, but the silence between them only confirmed the contrary. It wasn't any different. She had feelings for Brittany but Brittany didn't feel strong enough for her to do anything.

Santana swallowed at the realization and decided to leave once and for all.

"I'm sorry I can't be your friend, Britt." She said sadly, meaning it. She wished more than anything to be able to push any feelings aside and just be her friend.

Brittany didn't speak. She didn't know what to say. Santana took that as a sign that she didn't have anything else to do there, so she smiled sadly at her one more time before turning around, thinking she'd never see her again.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> **I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Thanks to everyone who's still reading my story and especially thanks to everyone who takes the time to review letting me know what you think. It means a lot :) And don't lose faith in Brittana, I promise it gets better ;)**


	10. Chapter 10: Timing

**A/N: **Thank you so much for all the reviews! I hope everyone enjoys this chapter. Can't wait to hear what you all think. Enjoy!

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><p>The next morning, Brittany stood nervously outside of Santana's apartment after someone had let her inside the building before she could call up. She knocked once, softly, and waited for Santana to open up. She balanced back and forward on her heels, looking around anxiously. No one opened up. She tried again, this time knocking a little bit louder. She could hear steps approaching the door, so she took a step back and put her hands in her pockets.<p>

"Hey, listen, I'm sorry if I-" Santana started saying as she opened the door, but stopped mid sentence when she saw who was actually standing on the other side. Definitely not her neighbor. "Brittany?" she said, merely above a whisper. Her voice failed her when she saw her standing there.

"Hey…" Brittany said shyly. "Is this a bad time?"

Santana looked into the apartment and then back at Brittany. "Uhh… What are you doing here?" she asked, closing the door a little, leaving just enough space for her to be seen.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Britt, I'm sorry, but I meant what I said last night. I can't be your friend, no matter how hard I try. I just-"

"I broke up with Tommy." Brittany interrupted.

"You what?" Santana was surprised to say the least.

**14 hours ago - Brittany's apartment**

Brittany was sitting on the couch, a big bowl of ice cream in her hands. She had been crying for the past hour, going through her evening with Santana. She was so afraid of losing her. After she had finally felt like she had her friend back, it all seemed to be falling apart. And who was she kidding? She knew what Santana meant when she said they couldn't be friends. She had been feelings things for her as well, but maybe it had been easier for her to ignore it because she had Tommy at the end of the day. In one way or another, she had been able to push her feelings aside and replace them with Tommy's company, but she knew it wasn't the final solution.

She was waiting for Tommy to arrive at her apartment. She had called him half an hour ago after she decided she needed to talk to him. It wasn't an easy decision, but she knew it was a decision she had to make. She had already lost Santana once because she didn't have the courage to break Artie's heart. Now she needed to give them a chance, or at least give themselves the opportunity to get a chance.

She didn't know whether Santana would actually take her or not. Maybe even if she broke up with Tommy they wouldn't be able to be together, for one reason or another. But she needed to at least try. Worst case scenario, she still knew she couldn't be with Tommy if her heart and mind weren't really with him. Even if Santana completely ignored her, she couldn't stay by his side. Their relationship would be completely fake and that's not what she wanted out of any relationship she was in.

She took a deep, shaky breath when she heard a knock on the door. She stood up and walked over to it, opening it slowly. Tommy was standing on the other side, completely clueless as to why she had called him. He was smiling when she opened the door, but his smile quickly faded away when he saw her face and realized she had been crying.

"Babe? What's wrong?" he tried to hug her, but Brittany took a step back and put her hands up. This was going to be even harder than she thought.

"We need to talk…" she said as she closed the door behind them and guided him towards the living room.

"Okay…"

They both sat down on the couch, facing each other but not near enough to make physical contact. Brittany took a few deep breaths, trying to find the strength to say what she had to say. She hated hurting anyone.

"Brittany? Please tell me what's going on. I'm worried."

Brittany let the air she had been unconsciously holding out, and grabbed one of his hands. "You're a really great guy…" she started.

"Oh no…"

"Just… let me talk, please?" she waited until he nodded before continuing, "you really are a great guy, Tommy. I can't really say anything bad about you. But… I'm not what you deserve."

"How can you say that?"

"I just know I'm not. We… we are not in the same place right now. You deserve someone who is 100% with you."

"What are you trying to say? Is there somebody else?"

"I…" Brittany started, not knowing how to reply. There's wasn't anyone else. Not _exactly_. There was Santana, yes, but they hadn't done anything. And this went beyond her. If she was truly in love with Tommy, she wouldn't have feelings for Santana in the first place. "No." she said, thinking it was for the best. "There are just some things that won't work between us, Tommy."

"Like what things? Tell me Britt, and I'll work on them."

Brittany smiled sadly, appreciating the offer, but knowing it was too late. "You'll find someone else. Someone who understands how much your work means to you, someone who doesn't mind if you don't show up at an important event because you had to work, or that you have to leave in a hurry because of it."

"I'm sorry, if I knew…"

"Don't apologize," Brittany said, "it's who you are and that's great. It's just… it's not who I want to be with."

Tommy nodded. He would be lying if he said it didn't hurt, but he knew well enough to recognize when the battle was already lost. He had been feeling it for a while now. Brittany had stopped _being_ there. They had grown a little bit apart, and none of them fought hard enough to stop it before it was too late. "You'll find someone great too."

_I have already,_ Brittany thought, _I just don't know if I'll be able to be with her._ "Thank you. And I'm sorry."

Tommy opened his arms. "Can I?" he asked and Brittany nodded. He pulled her in a hug. "Take care, Britt." he whispered into her ear.

"You too," Brittany said and felt like a weight was being lifted off her shoulders. It wasn't easy, and she wasn't okay, but at least she felt she was doing the right thing.

Tommy left right after, giving her a short kiss on the cheek before turning around and heading towards the elevator. Brittany went back to the couch and watched TV until she fell asleep, knowing the next morning would be an important one.

**Present - Santana's apartment**

Santana couldn't believe what Brittany was saying. Did she really break up with him? Was it because of what happened last night or did something happen between them?

"Tommy and I." Brittany repeated when Santana didn't say anything. "It's over. I just couldn't-"

"Hey, San?" someone called from inside the apartment. Santana turned her head towards the voice, she had completely forgotten about her for a minute. _Shit._

Brittany tried to get a look from where she was standing, although it wasn't really necessary. She already knew who it was.

"San, do you have any extra towels I can use for the shower?" the girl asked, approaching Santana. She stopped when she saw Brittany standing on the other side. "Oh, hey Britt!" Claudia said, "Whatcha doing here?"

Brittany just looked at her, then back at Santana, then back at Claudia. A quick scan to them both made her realize she had indeed interrupted something. Santana's hair was all messy and her shirt was buttoned incorrectly. Claudia was wearing one of Santana's old shirts and shorts. "I…" Brittany started, but didn't know what to say.

"You can grab some from that closet," Santana said, cutting in. She pointed at a closed door and Claudia headed there, taking the towels and heading towards the bathroom. She playfully slapped Santana's ass on the way there.

"Maybe you can join me?" Claudia proposed, winking. She then disappeared behind the bathroom door.

Santana turned her attention back to Brittany, who was still standing there, not a word coming from her mouth, just hurt written all over her face.

"I…" this time Santana tried speaking, but no words came out of her mouth either.

**10 hours earlier - Lesbian bar**

After leaving Brittany at the High Line, Santana pondered just heading to the apartment and cry herself to sleep, but then she decided she didn't feel like being alone, feeling sorry for herself. So what if she had feelings for Brittany? They would sure go away if she stopped seeing her. She decided, instead, to head to her favorite lesbian bar and just hang around ladies who would actually pay some attention to her.

She needed that. She needed to feel wanted and appreciated. She hated the way Brittany made her feel, misleading her, making her think they were having a moment to then realize she was nothing more than just a friend to her.

She had been sitting at the bar for a good portion of the night, just looking around. She wanted to feel eyes on her, see lingering looks thrown her way, but she didn't really feel like making a conversation. That was until she spotted a familiar face in the crowd. It was Claudia, who quickly approached her once she realized Santana was there.

Santana didn't mind talking to Claudia, unlike the other women who approached her that night. They already knew each other, so they could skip the "get to know you part" and just go straight down to business.

"Look who's here," Claudia said as she finally got to Santana's side.

"Hey you."

"What brings you here?"

Santana shrugged. "Just felt like going out for a little while."

Claudia smiled and took a seat next to her. "What are you having?"

"Nothing really. Don't feel like getting a headache tomorrow."

"I understand. You don't want to feel sick again, huh?" Claudia asked, referring to the night they had met.

Santana shook her head. "Definitely not."

"Anything new going on in your life, Santana?" Claudia asked, having to lean a little bit closer when the music started getting louder.

"Not really," Santana said, whispering into her ear.

Claudia smiled. "How about I make it a little bit more interesting, then?" she said, her hot breath sending chills down Santana's body.

Santana just smiled in response, leaning in to capture her lips in a heated kiss. It didn't take them too long to leave the bar, heading towards Santana's apartment which was closer. This was definitely what she needed to forget all about Brittany.

**Present - Santana's apartment**

Santana looked at Brittany, not knowing what to say. She felt bad, but at the same time she didn't think she had to. She hadn't done anything wrong. She was single and could do whatever she wanted. Still, the look on Brittany's face broke her heart.

"I guess I came at the wrong time," Brittany said, so softly Santana almost couldn't hear her. "Take care, San," Brittany said, turning around to leave.

"Brittany, wait!" Santana said and Brittany stopped. "What the hell is all this about?"

"Nothing that matters now, is it?" Brittany said bitterly.

"Excuse me? Why are you even mad?"

"I broke up with Tommy!" Brittany said, turning around to face her, as if it was an obvious explanation.

"So what?"

"Do you know why I broke up with him?"

"How would I know?"

"For you!" Brittany said, angrily. How could she have been so foolish to believe breaking up with him would bring them together?

"Brittany, that's-"

"Insane? Yeah, I know. I don't know why I ever believed you really cared."

"Really cared? Oh, you of all people can **not** say that!"

"I can say whatever I want!" Brittany said irrationally, "You go around saying you can't be my friend because you have _feelings_ for me and then you go and sleep with one of my friends! The same. Fucking. Night!"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? Wait on you forever? I already waited for you, Brittany. And it was never worth the wait!"

Brittany looked at her, shocked by her words. She had opened her mouth to reply, but instead fell silent. Tears started building up and she knew she'd start crying any minute now. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be. She looked at Santana one more time before turning around and walking down the stairs towards the entry of the building.

Santana looked at her, then back at her apartment. She was angry. How dare she come here and demand things from her? She felt like getting inside the apartment and slamming the door, but she couldn't. She needed to get things out of her chest. She quickly grabbed the keys to her apartment and closed the door behind her, running down the stairs to catch Brittany before she opened the doors and walked out to the street.

"Hold up!" she yelled.

"I don't want to," Brittany replied, almost childishly.

Santana took a few fast steps and pressed her hand against the door before Brittany could open it. "You can't just come here, yelling at me, making me feel guilty for having sex with a girl when I'm _single_!"

"I'm not making you feel anything!"

"Hell yes, you are! You come here saying you broke up with your boyfriend, Brittany, your _boyfriend_, but I can't be with another girl?"

"Why even make all that stuff up if all you wanted was to sleep with her, huh?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"If you didn't want to be around me because you felt bad about sleeping with my friend, you could've said so! You didn't have to make all that up!"

"Make it up?" Santana asked, offended. "Make it _up_? You think I lied to you about the way I feel?"

"You clearly did! If not, you wouldn't be sleeping with someone else right away!"

Their tones were getting louder, and Santana was afraid they'd soon cause someone to come see what was going on. People from outside the building were already looking through the glass door. She grabbed Brittany's hand and led her through the hall, closer to the staircase that led to the lower level of the building.

"How can you even think I'd lie about something like that?"

"You used to all the time."

Santana was taken aback by the comment. She knew what she was referring too, she was like that with boys. But never with her. She always thought Brittany knew better than that. "I can't believe you'd throw that in my face."

"I can't believe you'd make up a lame excuse to go screw Claudia!"

"For fuck's sake, Brittany, it's not an excuse!" Santana said angrily, "Can't you see what I've been going through? Can you, for one fucking second, realize what it's been like for me to see you again?" Brittany opened her mouth to speak, but Santana stopped her. "Ever since I saw you again, i haven't been able to shake these feelings away. I've tried, Brittany, _so hard_," Santana said, her voice breaking, "so fucking hard, to push them away. To pretend they are not there. To convince myself that I don't feel anything for you anymore. I tried to be your friend. I wanted to, more than _anything _in this world, have your friendship back. To pretend like we were back in high school before things got messy, but I can't, ok? I just can't." Santana said, her whole body shaking from the anger.

"And yes," she continued, "I slept with Claudia. And you know what? I would do it again if I could," Brittany winced at the words, trying hard not to imagine it, "and you know why? Because when I was with her last night, I could _finally_, for at least a short while, stop thinking about you. I could finally stop thinking about how it would be like to kiss you again, how it would feel like to touch you, to hold-"

Santana's words were muffled when Brittany took a step forward and kissed her hungrily. Santana was taken by surprise and she didn't react until she felt Brittany's body pressing against her, pushing her back until she bumped against the wall. Brittany couldn't take it anymore. She was angry and jealous, but most of all, she _needed_ Santana. She needed everything she had just said: feel her kisses, her touch again. Brittany's tongue quickly went inside Santana's mouth, battling for dominance. Her hands roamed all over her body, desperately. Santana felt Brittany slip her thigh between her legs, spreading them apart.

A moan escaped Santana's mouth when she felt Brittany press her thigh against her aching center. She felt Brittany trail hot, wet kisses down to her neck as she kept moving her thigh against her. Santana instinctively started rocking her hips onto Brittany's thigh and she felt herself getting more and more wet by the second.

One of Brittany's hand gripped Santana's hip, while the other found the rim of her shirt and she tucked her hand under it. She run her fingertips across Santana's stomach, causing her muscles to tighten. Her hand kept moving further up towards her breasts until she cupped one, her thumb rubbing against her already hard nipple.

Santana groaned, the pressure on her clit increasing by the second. She placed her hands around Brittany's neck, bringing her closer, needing to feel her all over her. This was what she had been dreaming of since they had met again. This exact same moment, when Brittany's tongue would run across her neck, when Brittany's lips would capture her ear lobe and suck on it desperately.

Except this wasn't the way things were supposed to be. Claudia was upstairs. They had been having sex all night and now she was downstairs almost coming against Brittany's thigh.

Santana stopped abruptly and pushed Brittany away. Brittany eyes went big at the sudden change, lust filling them. They were both panting, their chests raising and falling.

"I can't do this, Brittany," Santana said, glancing upstairs.

"Does she mean anything to you?" Brittany asked softly, scared to hear the answer.

Santana ignored her question, "This isn't right, Brittany. You can't just come here because you broke up with your boyfriend and pretend things to be different."

"It's because of her, isn't it?" Brittany insisted.

"It's not the right time, Brittany…" Santana said sadly. "I tried to forget about you. Every single night I lay there waiting to wake up the next day thinking that I'd find someone better than you, someone who'd finally be able to make me forget about you. I wasn't going to wait forever. Last night, for one brief moment, I could forget how much I fucking miss you…" Santana said, her last words barely audible. She didn't know what Brittany was expecting of her, but she knew she couldn't just give herself in. She had already done it once and she had been left with a broken heart.

"But San…" Brittany tried again. This couldn't be it. There was obviously something going on between them. Santana couldn't be letting it get away because of someone she met a few weeks ago.

"Brittany. Please." Santana begged. She just couldn't handle this right now.

Brittany just nodded and took another step back. "Fine. If that's what you want… But don't blame it on me this time." Brittany added before turning around and leaving, not daring to look back.

Santana leaned against the wall, sighing heavily. This couldn't be happening. Why did they have such horrible timing? She run a hand through her hair, and then over her clothes, trying to fix them before heading back upstairs. Once she got there, she quietly opened the door and found Claudia sitting on her couch, already out of the shower and dressed.

"Is everything okay?" Claudia asked.

"Yeah…" Santana said slowly, walking towards the couch and sitting on the opposite side.

"Are you sure?" Santana nodded. "Is Brittany okay?"

"Yeah… she was just stopping by. Wanted to say hello."

"Oh…"

They sat in silence for a while, both staring at the wall in front of them.

"Should I leave?" Claudia asked finally.

Santana looked at her. "I'm sorry…"

"That's okay. Must have been some hard conversation you two had, huh?" Claudia continued when Santana didn't answer. "She cares about you, you know?"

"Yeah…"

"A lot. She wouldn't stop talking about you after she saw you that first time." Santana sat there quietly. "She's a grown woman now, San. You know that, right?" Santana nodded again, where was Claudia going with all of this? "She wouldn't make the same mistake again."

Santana frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. Brittany had told me about this friend from high school… It didn't take long for me to connect the dots after I met you in her apartment. I thought it was a thing from the past, but after you left she acted so weird towards me, I figured it wasn't completely forgotten." Santana looked at her, surprised. "And I know I may seem like a terrible friend because I came here with you and we slept together, but I thought you guys were never going to do anything about it."

"We are not." Santana interrupted.

"You should."

"What?"

"Don't worry about me, Santana. I'm a big girl, and even though I appreciate your concern, I realize what we had was just that, nothing more."

"But… I can't be with her." Santana said, bringing her legs up to the couch and hugging them close to her chest.

"Why not? Because of Tommy? I'm sure she'd break up with him if you-"

"She already did."

Claudia's eyes opened wide. "Is that why she was here now?" Santana nodded slowly. "Wow. She must really hate me right now."

"She probably hates me more."

"Then what are you doing here with me? Go find her!"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just… I can't. I don't know if I can risk everything again for her. I did years ago and it didn't work. It only ended up badly."

"Santana, Brittany is not the same girl she was before. I'm sure she hates hurting anyone just as much, but this time I'm sure she's not willing to jeopardize a chance with you just to protect someone else. She proved it by breaking up with Tommy."

"But what if-"

"We would never do anything based on 'what ifs'. Deal with facts. She broke up with the guy and then came straight to you. Don't you think that means something? Don't you see how much she's willing to do for you this time?" Santana nodded, understanding what Claudia meant. "I'm going to leave now, because it's still a little bit weird to be giving you advice after last night…" Claudia said with a slight chuckle, "but I really hope you consider what I'm saying."

Claudia picked her things up and left, wishing Santana good luck. She just sat there on the couch, pondering what Claudia had said. It was true that Brittany had broken up with her boyfriend this time. And what had happened down stairs... That was definitely something they couldn't deny. There was still so much chemistry between them, and Santana couldn't deny she still felt things for the same girl who had opened her eyes to a new world of sensations.

The next hours were the longest hours she had ever lived. Santana knew Brittany had to work and wouldn't get home until around 7pm, so she decided to wait until then. She decided she wanted to talk to her, at least know where they stood. Did this mean they would be together now? She didn't want to jump into conclusions, or into anything really. Brittany, as far as Santana knew, was still straight. What if she regretted her decision? What if breaking up with Tommy had only been a reaction to being afraid of losing her again? There were so many questions to ask, so their conversation needed to be private and showing up at her work was probably not a good idea.

Santana showered before heading towards her apartment, arriving there a little bit past 7. The concierge recognized her from the day of the party and let her go directly upstairs. Once she found herself in front of Brittany's door, she nervously rang the bell.

She waited for a few seconds before the door opened.

"Brittany, we need to-"

"Santana?" It was Tommy. What the hell was he doing there? Hadn't they broken up?

"T-Tommy…"

"Hey. Um, Brittany's-"

"Don't worry," Santana stopped him before he could finish. "I-I remembered I have to be somewhere right now. I will… I'll call her later," she lied. She felt so foolish. How could she think things would be any different this time?

"Do you want me to tell her you stopped by?"

"No, no. It's not necessary… I-I gotta go." Santana said and quickly turned around, walking fast towards the elevator and pushing the button harder than needs be, trying to get away from there as fast as possible.

She took one last glance at Brittany's door, once she had heard Tommy close it, before getting inside the elevator. She felt her heart sinking. She had a knot in her throat and she could feel the tears starting to build up.

Had it all been a joke to Brittany? Was she really that disposable? So since it didn't work with them right away, she went straight back to her boyfriend? Or had she never broken up with him and was just testing the fields before making any decisions?

Santana whipped her tears away angrily. _That's what you get for letting yourself fall, Lopez._ Santana hurried out of the building and onto the street. She hailed the first cab she saw on the street and cried silently all the way home.

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><p><strong>AN:** Thank you for reading and reviewing! I love to hear your opinions on each chapter and see what you all think of the direction the story is taking. Thank you for taking the time to comment! :)


	11. Chapter 11: I Promise

**A/N: I'm sorry it took me longer than usual to update. I was busy with the end of my school year and other things, but here it is! I hope you all enjoy it :)**

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><p>Santana arrived to her apartment twenty five minutes later. The ride home had been awkward, considering she had spent most of the time silently brushing her tears away, hoping the taxi driver wouldn't be one of those to start up a conversation and ask her what was wrong. Thankfully he didn't say a word and barely even looked at her through the rear view mirror when she payed him.<p>

She reluctantly went up the stairs and stood in front of her apartment door, searching in her pockets to find the key. Her hands were shaking and it took her longer than usual to open the door. Once inside, she slowly closed the door behind her and silently left the keys on the counter. She felt drained, both physically and mentally. She also felt like screaming, like throwing things against the wall for being so stupid and make the same mistake again, but she sincerely didn't have the energy for it.

She walked towards the living room and let herself fall on the couch, curling into a ball and covering herself with the soft blanket she always kept there. She turned on the TV, her eyes hurting from the light it was emanating. She closed her eyes in reaction and sighed deeply.

She didn't understand how things could have gotten worse than they already were. She thought having to walk away from Brittany the night before was probably one of the hardest -yet correct- things she had had to do in a long time. She didn't imagine back then how things would unfold. To have Brittany show up at her door was a complete surprise, not to mention hearing her say she had broken up with her boyfriend for _her_.

Of course, all that was a lie. She realized it now. It had been a way to test the waters and see if she would be willing to jump into her arms right away. Santana clenched her jaw, feeling angry. Did Brittany really still not understand how much everything had hurt her to think that maybe Santana wasn't willing to give everything up for her right away? But that didn't mean she wouldn't do it eventually. It didn't matter now anyway. Things were completely and absolutely over this time.

Santana felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and took it out, wondering who would be calling.

_Brittany._

She pressed the power button once to silence it without hanging up and left it next to her. Not long after, a second call came through. She expected a third call to come in, but instead a single _beep_ shook her phone. She picked it up, ready to silence it when the preview of the message caught her attention.

'_Tommy told me you were here. It's not what you think_'

Santana sighed, rubbing her temples. If it wasn't what she thought, then what had he been doing there?

It beeped again.

'_If you pick up your phone I can explain better_'

The second Santana finished reading the message, Brittany's incoming call covered the phone's screen. She pondered whether to pick up or hang up, but her finger pressed the 'answer' button before she could change her mind.

"Hey…" she heard Brittany say softly, "I'm glad you finally picked up." Santana held the phone close to her ear, but didn't say anything. "Tommy told me you stopped by," Brittany repeated, "and he also told me your face looked completely transfigured once you saw him standing on the other side of the door."

"I thought you had broken up with him," Santana said.

"And I did."

"Did?" Santana's stomach tightened. So she wasn't wrong. Had Brittany just tricked her to get to talk to her?

"Yeah, did. I mean, did. Like, past." Brittany took a deep breath, "Ugh, you know what I mean. I did break up with him. And we are still broken up."

"Then what was he doing in your apartment?" Santana knew she had no right to ask for any explanations, but Brittany had offered them.

"He still had some things there. When we broke up the night before he just left. He had a copy of my keys, so I told him he could stop by in the afternoon and I just stayed at work while he got everything together."

"Oh…" Santana had to admit she felt a little bit foolish for jumping into conclusions.

"I understand why you thought I was still with him, though. And I don't blame you, San. But I promise I'm not. And I promise I'd never hurt you again, never again."

Santana let out a shaky breath. This was so unrealistic. Brittany was single now. She had broken up with her boyfriend for her. But was that what she really wanted? Didn't she prefer to be away from her for good? What if she got hurt again?

"I know you are still unsure about all this," Brittany interrupted her thoughts, almost as if she was reading them. "And that's why I think we should talk about some things before…" Brittany stopped herself. "Well, before you decide what you want to do." She finished.

"I don't know what to make out of all this, Britt," Santana replied honestly. "I swear, out of all the outcomes I imagined our friendship would have, this was never one of them."

"I know. But let me in and we can figure this out."

"I don't know if I can easily _let you in_, Britt. I–"

"No, no. I mean literally let me in."

"What?"

"I'm outside of your building, sitting on the sidewalk."

"You are what?"

"Yeah… I just really want to talk to you."

"Why didn't you say something before?" Santana asked as she walked over to the door and opened it.

"Well, I knew you wouldn't let me up before I explained the whole Tommy situation, so…"

"You must be freezing down there," Santana said, going down the stairs and approaching the front door.

"I'm fine." Brittany said, standing up and walking towards the glass door. She saw Santana get closer and opening the door, so she hung up.

"Hey." Santana said softly, stepping aside. "Come inside before you freeze your ass."

Brittany did as told and both of them walked back to Santana's apartment. Santana closed the door behind them and watched as Brittany sat down on her couch. She stood a few feet away, leaning against one of the kitchen counters, crossing her arms across her chest defensively.

"Britt… I don't know what to make of this," Santana repeated, pointing between them. "You being here. Breaking up with your boyfriend. Coming here this morning. What happened downstairs. Everything."

Brittany nodded. "I understand. And I don't blame you. That's why I came here tonight. I want us to talk, sit down and honestly talk, because I lost you once already and I don't want to lose you twice. I was immature and stupid back then, and I'm not willing to make the same mistake again. The first step was to break up with Tommy, and I did. I know that's not enough, but it's a start. I'm here now, for you. I'm here to talk and say everything we have to say before deciding what to do."

"I don't know if I can do this again, Britt." Santana said, feeling like she was in a dream. She had Brittany standing in front of her, saying things she had wished Brittany had said years ago. She didn't know what to make of it. She didn't know whether to stay or run.

"We owe us this. There was a talk we never had. It's our chance to have it now, even if it's years later. Just give us this one chance. I know I blew it years ago, but I'm here now."

Santana sighed and stood there silently for a few minutes. Million of thoughts were running through her head, most of them involved knowing she'd never forgive herself if she didn't give them that well deserved talk. "Okay," Santana said and walked over to the couch, sitting down.

They sat facing each other, Santana with her legs crossed in front of them and Brittany with one leg hanging from the couch.

"The other night, when you said you couldn't be my friend and walked away, I felt my whole world crumbling down. I'll never be able to express what you mean to me, Santana. All I know is that the minute you walked out of my life back in high school nothing was ever the same. And then, when I saw you again that day in the dance studio… it was like my prayers had been heard." Brittany said, looking down. She placed one hand on Santana's knee, squeezing it lightly, trying to let her know she meant every word. "I know it sounds cliché and ridiculous, but I swear, I always dreamt of the day I'd be able to talk to you again."

Brittany took a deep breath before continuing, making sure her eyes never left Santana's now. She needed her to know she was being honest. "Truth is, I didn't think this was how things would unfold. I thought you'd be married to a rich guy by now or something." Santana chuckled. "Because of our last conversations, I never thought you actually liked girls. And I never thought seeing you would bring back all those feelings."

Santana nodded. She knew what she meant. She never thought it would be possible to still feel something for someone she had loved so many years ago.

"Of course I tried to fight them. I think you did, too," Brittany continued, and noticed how Santana looked away. She squeezed her knee again to bring her eyes back to her. "We both did because we were both scared we were not in the same page as each other. It's weird to think what time does. Before, we used to be so connected. I used to know everything you were thinking."

"Apparently that never worked when it came to us as anything more than friends." Santana interrupted.

"I don't know why that is. And I'd like to think it can be different. Maybe we just never let ourselves go, therefore those were things we always kept locked away, even from each other. But this time, when you told me you couldn't be my friend because you still had feelings for me, I just knew I couldn't let you get away. I knew I had to break up with Tommy and come see you."

Santana smiled slightly. She couldn't believe this was the same Brittany that had broken her heart years ago. Well, she wasn't exactly the same. She was more mature. She was a grown woman and this time wasn't willing to let her go so easily.

"And this is where I have to apologize." Santana's eyes darted, a scared look on her face. "Because I acted like an asshole this morning," Brittany said, calming her down. "I never thought I'd come here to find you with someone," Brittany unconsciously took her hand away from Santana's knee, remembering the pain she felt when she saw Claudia in Santana's clothes. Santana sensed her reaction to her own words and reached for her hand, smiling at her reassuringly, "and when I saw you with her… I got so jealous and angry. I guess that's how you felt today when you saw Tommy. I felt betrayed. You were saying you couldn't be my friend but then you were sleeping around."

Santana swallowed. It didn't sound very pretty. "But that's my fault and my fault only," Brittany clarified. "You had every right to sleep with whomever you want. You still do…"

"Britt…"

"I-I guess before we keep talking, I'd like to know what she means to you. Because if you tell me she's important to you, then I have nothing to do here."

Santana smiled and reached for Brittany's other hand. She held them both tightly and started tracing patterns on them with her thumbs. "Britt. Claudia was… she was what I needed to get you out of my head last night. I was so hurt, so angry at myself. I needed someone to distract me. And she did. But she doesn't mean what you mean to me."

Brittany smiled, feeling a little bit more secure now. "That's good to know."

"If I must be honest, no one has ever meant to me as much as you have. Ever." Brittany's smile got bigger, but Santana's tone became serious. "And that's what scares me the most. I don't think I could ever go through it again if you're going to leave."

Brittany brought Santana's hands to her mouth and kissed them both repeatedly. "I'm not going anywhere, San." Brittany swore. "But I don't expect you to believe me right away."

"I…"

"I know, Santana. Don't worry. I think only with time I've come to realize how much I hurt you. And yes, it took me way too long."

"I just… I never thought you'd reject me…" Santana admitted quietly. _Not you of all people_.

"I didn't mean to. I'd do anything to turn back time and make everything different. But I can't. Not for the lack of trying though."

Santana chuckled. "No?" she said as she raised an eyebrow. "Did the time machine fail?"

Brittany nodded. "Yeah! I don't know why!"

Santana laughed, smiling at Brittany. She still couldn't believe she was sitting in front of her, nothing standing in their way. "So… what now?"

Brittany smiled, letting go of her hands and standing up. "Well, now you go on a date with me."

"What?"

"Yup. You have…" she looked at her watch, "fifteen minutes to get ready."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Santana said, freaking out. "Fifteen minutes?"

Brittany extended her hand towards her and helped her stand up. "Go," she said, pointing towards her bedroom. "Get changed and I'll wait for you downstairs."

Santana shook her head and ran into her bedroom as Brittany walked out of the apartment and downstairs.

As Santana started going through her clothes, trying to figure out what to wear, her mind wouldn't stop thinking about this whole situation. First, she never thought she'd see Brittany again after the night before. Then, she never _wanted_ to see her again after showing up at her apartment and finding Tommy there. And now... now she was nervously trying to find the perfect outfit to go on a date with her. A date with Brittany S. Pierce.

Her stomach did a small flip at the thought. They didn't really ever go on a date back in high school. They usually had their sweet lady kisses at their houses or some place else, but never as the result of a _date_. Sure, they had gone to Breadstix more times than she could count, but it was just friends going out for dinner, nothing else.

Suddenly she started feeling a bit nervous. What if something went wrong? What if they ended up fighting again? They always had, for one reason or another, every time they had been together. She hoped this time, with everything else out of the way, nothing would stop them from having a good time.

Santana finally settled for some comfortable yet good looking clothes and left her apartment, not before grabbing her keys and turning off the lights. She practically ran down stairs, but controlled herself as she neared the main door. She opened it calmly and couldn't help the smile forming on her lips when she saw Brittany standing right outside the door.

"Hey..." Santana said nervously.

"Hey you," Brittany said, looking at her up and down, "you look beautiful."

Santana blushed and Brittany smiled.

"I don't know if you've ever had the proper New York ride," Brittany said as she grabbed her hand and led her towards the corner of the street.

"I don't know. What is the proper ride?"

Brittany stopped and waved at a guy who was standing next to a bike-riden carriage.

"Just the one where you can relax, enjoy the view and not worry about traffic."

"Brittany... How did you...?" Santana had seen these guys near Central Park, but none of them were ever around 1st avenue.

"Jake is a friend of mine," Brittany said, smiling at him. "I just asked him for a favor."

"And I couldn't say no to her," Jake said, sitting on the bike. "Now ladies, please take a sit and enjoy your ride."

Brittany led Santana towards the carriage and helped her get in, doing the same afterwards. They sat there and waited for Jake to start riding the bike before talking again.

Santana looked around, amazed. She never knew Brittany could be so romantic. This was a side they had never explored back in high school.

"You must have a lot of confidence in yourself, Mrs. Pierce." Santana teased her, hitting her ribs with her elbow.

Brittany chuckled. "Why do you say that?"

"How did you know I'd end up going out with you tonight?"

"I didn't. Actually, I planned this during the day. I wanted to come here and apologize for this morning... And I figured I had to start doing things to get your attention," Brittany admitted. "After seeing you with Claudia, I realized the competition was hard!"

Santana smiled, sighing contently as she looked to the street. They were heading towards Central Park. "Well, if this were indeed a competition, you'd definitely be winning."

Brittany grinned. "Then, when I got to the apartment and found out you had shown up... Well, I knew things had gotten a bit more complicated. I realized there was a chance this would never happen, at least not tonight. But I figured I'd still give it a shot. And here we are."

"Well, I'm glad you didn't back down."

Brittany shook her head. "No way."

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other's company and their surroundings, as they approached the park. They got there a few minutes later, and Brittany quickly hop off, going to the other side and offering her hand to Santana to help her out. Santana smiled and took her hand.

"Wait for us here, okay?" Brittany asked Jake and he nodded, walking a few feet away and waiting in the carriage.

"Maybe you'd find the horse ones more romantic..." Brittany said as she led them towards the lake. "But I feel bad for the horses."

Santana smiled. "This is perfect."

They stood overlooking the lake and the city on the other side. The buildings' lights reflected on the water, making it look even more beautiful.

"Thank you for this," Santana said, turning her head towards Brittany and smiling.

"Thank you for coming with me."

"I know I can be hard sometimes..."

Brittany shook her head, "Shh. You're not hard. I understand it's not easy for you to believe me."

"It's not because I don't want to." Santana said, looking ahead, her arms resting on the metal fence.

"I know..." Brittany said softly, not knowing where Santana was going with this. Was this her way of saying despite everything she didn't want to give it a try?

"I really like you, Britt." Santana said, avoiding looking at her, her eyes staring the water in front of her.

"I really like you too," Brittany replied and swallowed. She was waiting for a 'but'.

"But..." Brittany closed her eyes. "I'm scared to go through this again..." Santana said quietly, looking at her hands.

"I understand..."

"I remembered what happened the last time I liked you."

Brittany turned to face Santana and spoke directly to her, even though she was still looking at her hands. "That was years ago, San. I-I know I can't ask you to forget about it. But, could you at least try to think it can be different this time?"

Santana took a deep breath. She was scared. More scared than she had ever been in her life. "What if it's not?" she asked barely above a whisper, this time turning her face to look at Brittany, tears welling up in her eyes.

Brittany's heart broke a little, seeing Santana so vulnerable and scared. She took a step closer to Santana and stood behind her, wrapping her arms tightly around her stomach. Santana rested her hands on Brittany's arms and leaned back, resting her back against her. They fit perfectly together.

"I don't know what will happen in the future," Brittany started, resting her head against Santana's and whispering softly into her ear. "Since my time machine didn't work, I can't really tell the future either," she said and felt Santana chuckle in her arms, "but I can promise you one thing: each and every single day, I'll do my best to make you happy and never, ever hurt you again like I did before."

Santana sighed deeply, wanting to believe every word she was saying. She slowly turned around in Brittany's arms, needing to look at her and read her eyes. Brittany's arms were now wrapped around her waist and Santana placed her arms around Brittany's neck before resting her forehead against hers.

"You promise?" she asked shyly. She was never the vulnerable type, but she felt she could be with Brittany. She was scared, and the only way to start moving past her fears was to be honest with Brittany and hope she'd be honest in return.

"I..." Brittany said, placing a soft kiss on Santana's forehead, "Promise," she finished, placing a kiss on the tip of her nose.

Santana smiled, a familiar feeling burning in her stomach. "You swear?" Santana asked, hoping to get the same response.

And she did.

"I..." Brittany said, smiling this time as she kissed her left cheek, "Swear," she said, moving to kiss Santana's right cheek, not really separating her face from Santana's as she moved to the other side. Their lips almost brushed and Brittany could feel Santana's intake of breath as her lips passed right in front of hers. Brittany's eyes moved to look at Santana's lips, which had automatically parted, just as she kissed her right cheek.

Santana swallowed, moving one hand to grasp Brittany's neck as the other moved down to grip her waist.

"Lo prometes?" Santana finally whispered, Spanish being the only other way she could think of asking the same question.

Brittany smiled and laughed a little, not really knowing how to reply. "Yes..." she whispered before finally leaning in and kissing her. A moan escaped both their mouths just in time as their lips touched, Santana's grip on her waist tightening and her hand on Brittany's neck bringing her face closer.

Brittany's arms around her pulled her closer, pressing her against her and almost lifting her up a little bit. Their lips parted almost in sync and Brittany's tongue soon started exploring Santana's mouth. Santana took Brittany's bottom lip and started sucking on it, causing another moan to escape her lips. The kiss only grew more and more intense before they had to stop to catch their breaths.

They were both breathing heavily and smiling widely. Neither of them let go of each other, their grip still firm, almost as if to prevent them from falling. They both felt their knees going weak, and they needed each other for support.

"Lo prometo," Santana said softly, after she had caught her breath.

"Huh?" Brittany asked, confused.

"That's how you say 'I promise'."

"Ohh. Lo prometo." Brittany said, causing Santana to laugh at how adorable her Spanish sounded. "Hey, don't laugh!" Brittany said and playfully hit her arm.

"Sorry, sorry..." Santana said, trying to hold back a few more chuckles.

Brittany smiled and quickly kissed her lips. "I think we have to get going."

Santana pouted.

"Yeah, I know, it sucks. But I can't keep Jake here forever."

Santana nodded. "Yeah, I know. Let's go," she said as she started walking back to the entry of the park, grabbing Brittany's hand and pulling her that way.

The ride back to Santana's apartment wasn't long and they spent it in silence again, never letting go of their hands and Santana resting her head against Brittany's shoulder. Once there, Brittany talked with Jake before he left and went up the stairs with Santana.

Santana looked for her keys before turning around to face Brittany. "Thank you for tonight," she said sincerely. "It was really sweet of you."

"I'm glad you enjoyed your evening, miss."

Santana grinned. "I loved it."

"Well, I sure hope it's not the last." Brittany said.

"You'll have to top yourself," Santana teased.

"I can try and do that."

They stood in the hallway smiling at each other before Brittany spoke up. "Well, I guess I better get going."

"Okay."

"I had a great time, San."

"I did too."

Brittany smiled and leaned in, kissing Santana's cheek, "Goodnight, San."

"'Night, Britt."

Brittany turned around and started to leave but was stopped by Santana's grip on her wrist. She was quickly spun around and couldn't even ask Santana what was wrong before she felt her lips on hers again. This time it was more hungry than the one they had shared at the park.

Santana kissed her, running her tongue over her lips, using it to part them. Her hands ran up her arms, down her sides, gripping her waist. Brittany soon pushed Santana against the wall, running her own hands down Santana's sides. Santana moaned when she felt Brittany's body press against her, needing more of her. She ran her hands underneath Brittany's shirt, feeling her soft skin. Santana's lips soon found her neck, leaving a wet trail with her tongue up to her ear.

"Do you want to come in?" Santana asked against her ear before biting her earlobe.

Brittany's legs started to give in at the sound of her voice. She could feel her want and need through it. Santana started moving her hands up Brittany's shirt, her lips finding her mouth again, until Brittany abruptly took a step away.

She broke the kiss and every contact between them. Santana just stood there, mouth open.

"Whaaa...?"

Brittany smiled. "You're hot, did you know that?" Brittany asked, barely above a whisper.

"If I'm so hot then why did you stop?" Santana asked and Brittany chuckled, taking a step closer again, taking Santana's hands to make sure they didn't go anywhere else, because if they did she wouldn't be able to stop her again.

"Because..." Brittany said, kissing Santana's swollen lips lightly, "if I don't stop now we won't stop at all."

"Who says we need to stop?" Santana asked frustrated.

"I do."

"But why?"

Brittany smiled. "All in due time, San... All in due time," she said, kissing her cheek before turning around and walking down the stairs. "Goodnight, San!" she yelled before completely disappearing.

Santana leaned against her apartment door and sighed. That was mean. But then again, it only made her want to see her again even more.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to me to know what you guys think. Hopefully you liked this chapter and it was worth the longer than usual wait. Please leave a comment and let me know your opinion :) Good or bad, it's always more than welcomed.**


	12. Chapter 12: On The Right Track

**A/N: I know, I know. I've been a _horrible_ writer and I offer you the most sincere apologies for the delay in updating. What I thought would be a relaxed summer vacation with tons of free time to write and update turned out to be a working holiday where I get home tired and don't even feel like turning my computer on. I'm really sorry for taking so long to update and I'll try to avoid it from happening again! Thank you for still reading!**

**Now on with the story.**

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><p>Santana sat in her office, barely paying attention to her surroundings. The only thing she could think about was last night and everything that had happened between her and Brittany. It seemed unrealistic to think they were finally on the right track. Both of them were single, both of them were interested and apparently this time things could actually work out.<p>

Her own excitement scared her, she didn't want to feel too confident, but it was hard not to after so much fighting and struggling. After trying to run for so long, it felt nice to want to stay for once.

She closed her eyes and leaned against the chair, closing her eyes and remembering the moment they shared at the park and their intense session outside her apartment. A smirk appeared on her face just thinking about Brittany teasing her and she shook her head to herself. Brittany had definitely grown into a more confident person. She knew what she wanted and exactly how to get it.

Santana grabbed her cellphone and started writing a text message, her smile getting impossibly bigger with each word she typed.

'_Been thinking about you all morning'_

She was about to hit 'send' when a voice startled her.

"The hell are you doing smiling like that?" Olivia asked from the door, her arms crossed across her chest.

Santana laughed, "What, I can't smile now?"

"Well, it's not that," Olivia said, walking into her office and taking a seat in front of her, "it's just that last time we spoke you sounded sad and heart-broken. Now you're sitting here with your cellphone in your hand and an incredibly stupid grin plastered on your face."

Santana blushed a little and put her phone down. "I forgot to tell you the rest of the story..." she explained.

Last time they had talked, Santana had told Olivia about the walk she and Brittany had over the High Line and how she had decided to end things for good. The next day had been so full of emotions -with Brittany showing up at her place, then Tommy being in her apartment, and finally their date- that she hadn't had the time nor the energy to talk to her again.

She quickly filled her in with the details and Santana kept laughing as Olivia's mouth got closer and closer to the floor as she recalled yesterday's events.

"So that clearly explains your 15-year-old smile."

"Shut up."

"I swear, you look like a teenager after his first kiss."

"Well, it definitely wasn't my first kiss."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Did you guys...?"

"No, no, no." Santana said hurriedly.

"I don't believe you."

"I promise!" Santana said, raising her arms in innocence, "not because I didn't want to, though. She seemed to want to take things slow."

Olivia let out a big laugh, "Ha! She's teasing you!"

Santana chuckled, "I know, right? And she did a damn good job. I can't get her out of my mind."

Olivia smiled, glad to finally see her friend smiling. Happy, even. "So where does this leave you guys? Are you dating? Is she your _girlfriend_?" she said, stretching that last word in a mocking tone.

Santana glared at her friend, shrugging. "I don't know. Definitely not girlfriends or anything... not yet anyway. She hasn't asked."

Olivia laughed, "Oh, so she's going to have to ask?"

"Of course!"

"Why can't you ask?"

"I already poured my heart out to her once and she rejected me. I'm not about to do it again."

Olivia sighed, looking at her friend. "You know you'll have to let that go, right?"

Santana crossed her arms across her chest defensively. "Let what go?"

"What happened between you two back in high school."

"But-"

"No buts," Olivia interrupted her. "If you want things to work this time, you're going to have to let it go."

"...I don't know if I can." Santana admitted after a long pause.

"Well, you're going to have to try harder then."

"But it's part of what happened. It's part of our story."

Olivia nodded in agreement. "I know. I'm not telling you to forget about it, but you're going to have to forgive her for it... Believe me, if every time you guys fight or every time she does something you don't like you go back to the same argument, bringing up what happened between you two years ago, then it won't work."

Santana swallowed, considering this for the first time. "How can I...?"

"Forget about it? Forgive her?"

Santana nodded shyly. She was so excited minutes ago and now she was doubting everything, what if she could never forgive her? Olivia saw the hesitation in her eyes, so she spoke up again.

"It won't happen over night, that's for sure. But first, you have to do your best to avoid saying anything to her about it. Don't rub it in her face every time something is not right- And then... You have to slowly convince yourself she's a different person now. You have to understand this Brittany right here is not the same one that broke your heart years ago."

"How can you be so sure?"

"For starters, she broke up with her boyfriend this time." Santana nodded. That was true. "And no one is the same after so many years. We all grow up. She's shown you that much."

Santana smiled, relaxing a little bit more again. "Thank you," she said sincerely. She didn't know what she'd do without her friend.

"You're certainly welcome. Now, focus on your job. We have that big case coming up, remember?"

Santana rolled her eyes, "I _may_ look fifteen, but I'm not. Don't worry, Olivia. It's all taken care of."

"Good," Olivia said, standing up. "I'm happy for you, San," she smiled, "I just hope this time nothing gets in the way."

Santana nodded, "I'll make sure nothing does."

Olivia left her office and Santana quickly picked up her cellphone again. She re-read her message ('Been thinking about you all morning') and after pondering for a few seconds, sent it.

Not long after, her phone vibrated and she got a message.

'_I've been told that's a good sign'_

Santana raised an eyebrow. Who was this Brittany? So confident and sure. It's like she knew she had Santana wrapped around her finger.

'_You've been told right. You know what else is a good sign?'_

'_What?'_

'_How I haven't been able to stop thinking about my lips all over you'_

Santana smirked when the reply didn't come right away. She had obviously caught Brittany off guard and she could imagine her thinking how to respond.

'_Santana...'_ was all she got back.

'_Brittany...'_

'_I'm at work'_

'_So am I. And...?'_

'_And I don't think it's good for us to talk about this when I'm surrounded by kids'_

'_Well, don't let them read your texts'_

'_I'm pretty sure it's written all over my face by now'_

Santana smiled. It was weird, even back in high school they had never talked like this, but it still felt familiar. To anyone around them it would seem rushed, but this case was an exception. They had been together before, years ago, but together nonetheless. Santana still knew, after all this time, what made Brittany squirm and even though she was sure there were many new places she could discover, she knew she could still push the right buttons.

'_I bet you look completely adorable all flustered right now'_

'_I don't look adorable. I look _horny_' _Santana laughed out loud at this last word.

'_Well, you can always come to me to fix it ;)'_

'_Whatever happened to taking things slow, San?'_

'_I never agreed to that. You kinda imposed it to me'_

'_It's for the best'_

'_Says who?'_

'_Me'_

Santana smiled. She didn't know what Brittany was up to with this whole 'take things slow' thing, but she sure hoped to be able to change it soon.

'_I hope you have a great day, B'_

'_You too, San'_

A while after there was a knock on her door. She looked up, only to find a guy holding a bouquet of flowers, reading a card he was holding in his hand.

"Uhh... Santanaaa... Lopez?" he asked, finally looking up to see Santana nodding. "These are for you, miss."

Santana frowned, walking over to him and taking them from his hands. "Thank you," she said, signing the paper he was holding.

"Have a good day," the guy said before turning around to leave.

Santana smelled the flowers and smiled. She didn't remember the last time she had received flowers. She walked back to her desk, grabbing an empty vase and putting them in it, before reaching for the card and reading it.

_I hope you have a wonderful day. Certainly after last night, my day will be the best ever._

_-B_

"Ooh, getting flowers now?" Olivia startled Santana.

"My God! You're such an intruder."

Olivia smiled, "Can't blame me. The guy walked into the office asking for you. I _had_ to come see it myself. Santana Lopez getting flowers? Doesn't happen very often."

Santana smiled, "I know."

"So, who are they from?" Santana rolled her eyes at the question. "Well, you never know!" Olivia defended herself.

"Brittany, _obviously_."

"_Obviously_," Olivia mocked her, getting a glare from Santana. "I'll leave you to your flowers then," she said and quickly left.

Santana sat behind her desk, admiring the flowers for a while. It was such a sweet and nice gesture. She grabbed the phone and texted Brittany again.

'_Thank you for the flowers'_

'_You liked them?'_

'_I loved them :) They're beautiful'_

'_Not as beautiful as you'_

Santana smiled, shaking her head,

'_When did you get so cheesy?'_

'_Must be the time of the year'_

'_Must be...' _Santana replied, and hesitated only briefly before sending a second message. _'Any chance of seeing you tonight?'_

Santana waited anxiously for a reply. She felt ridiculous. She really looked like a fifteen year old asking a girl out for the first time, waiting for an answer, dreading a 'no'.

'_Thought you'd never ask'_

Santana felt herself breathing again and she smiled. _'7, my place?'_

'_I'll see you there :)'_

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><p>Santana looked at her reflection in the mirror and sighed. She was nervous all over again. She looked around her apartment, making sure everything was clean and tidy. Brittany would arrive any time now and she wanted everything to be perfect.<p>

She remembered the last time she had invited Brittany to her apartment she had been nervous as well, but this was a different kind of nervous. A better one at that. She was excited to be able to spend some time with the blonde now that they were on the same page.

She looked at herself in the mirror, the tight black dress hugging her in all the right places. Even though they were not going anywhere tonight, she wanted to look nice. And if she could admit it, also a bit _desirable_. She wanted to make Brittany regret wanting to take things slow.

She was startled from her thoughts when she heard the bell ring. She approached the intercom and spoke.

"Yes?"

"It's me," she heard the cheerful voice say on the other side, immediately knowing who it belonged to.

"Come on in," Santana said, pressing the button to open the gate and then walking towards the door to open it. When she did, she found Brittany standing on the other side, holding a bottle of wine in one hand and ice cream on the other.

Brittany stood there silently for a few seconds, and Santana couldn't help but smirk at the look on her face once her eyes landed on Santana's body. She just stood there, letting Brittany's gaze wander all over her.

"Hi-i..." Brittany said, softer than she expected.

Santana grinned, eyeing the girl standing in front of her. She was wearing tight jeans and a blue shirt that looked amazing with her eyes. "Hey you," she said, stepping aside and letting her come in.

"Um, I brought you some wine and ice cream," Brittany said shyly. "I didn't realize we were going out," she said, still not taking her eyes away from her.

"Oh, we're not going anywhere." Santana took them from her, putting the ice cream in the fridge right away and leaving the bottle of wine on the counter. "Thank you," she said, smiling and turning back to look at Brittany who was still standing by the door. "You can come inside," Santana added, chuckling softly. "I don't bite."

Brittany laughed, shaking her head. "Too bad," she teased, causing Santana to raise an eyebrow.

"Don't even go there, Pierce."

Brittany's cheeks turned red. "Sorry."

"Oh, don't be. I just won't be held responsible for my actions if you go down that road," she winked at her and Brittany smiled.

"I cooked for ya," Santana said, taking Brittany's hand and forcing her to fully enter the apartment.

"Really? Yum! I love when you cook," Brittany said, smiling brightly and not bothering to let go of Santana's hand even after she was inside the apartment and the door was now closed behind them.

"It's in the oven, but it should be ready anytime soon," Santana said, smiling really big as they stood in the middle of her apartment. "You want some wine?" she asked, turning around and letting go of Brittany's hand to get the glasses, but was soon stopped when Brittany grabbed her hand again and tugged at it.

Santana turned around surprised and looked questioningly at Brittany, who was still looking at her up and down.

"Hi..." Brittany repeated, pulling her closer.

"Hey again," Santana said, chuckling softly. She swallowed soon after under Brittany's intense glare.

"You look beautiful," Brittany admitted softly, smiling when she saw the color raise to Santana's cheeks.

"Th-thank you," Santana said, looking around shyly.

"I feel bad not taking you out tonight..." Brittany started, "You look so beautiful, I feel everyone should have the chance to admire you," she said, tugging Santana's hand once again, forcing her to take a step closer. Now they stood in the same space, looking at each other, "But on the other hand..." Brittany continued, moving her free hand to play with a strand of hair that was over Santana's shoulder, "I want you all for myself," she whispered, moving her hand up Santana's neck, finally resting it against Santana's cheek.

Santana closed her eyes at the contact, unconsciously leaning against Brittany's palm, taking a deep breath, trying to steady herself.

"Th-that's good," she stuttered, swallowing to try and speak normally, "because I want you all for myself as well."

Brittany smiled, taking one last look at Santana's lips before licking her own and leaning in to kiss her.

A small gasp escaped Santana's lips as she felt Brittany's press against hers. She squeezed Brittany's hand right before letting it go and wrapping her arms around her waist. She could feel Brittany moving her other hand to cup her cheek as well, pulling her impossibly closer.

The kiss started slow, first their mouths closed, just exploring each other's lips, their hands holding each other closer, as if to prevent any of them from pulling away. Then Santana felt Brittany's tongue slip between her lips, parting them immediately, and from then on nothing could stop them.

A throaty moan could be heard in the room, though none of them knew who it belonged to; they were too busy exploring each other's tongues. One of Brittany's hands moved down to Santana's neck, grabbing the back of it and Santana's hands started moving towards Brittany's waist, holding on to the bottom of her shirt, fighting every urge to slip her hands beneath the fabric.

_Beep!_

The sudden ring made them both jump, breathless and flustered. They looked at each other shyly, their hearts beating fast. Santana looked to her side at the oven, suddenly wanting to kick the inanimate object.

"I guess dinner is ready..." she muttered.

Brittany chuckled, just as frustrated. "Seems that way."

"Take a seat," Santana said, pointing towards the couch. Brittany nodded and did as told.

Santana opened the bottle of wine and poured them both some before taking dinner out of the oven.

"I don't know if you remember them," Santana said, turning around with both dishes in her hands. "You used to have them at my house back in high school."

Brittany looked at the food in front of her, frowning. "Hmm... tacos?" she asked, although it didn't quite fit.

Santana shook her head, "Nope. Enchiladas."

Brittany grinned, grabbing a fork right away, "No way!"

Santana laughed, "So you remember them?" she asked, taking a seat next to the blonde. She remembered how much Brittany liked them whenever there was any at her house, so she decided to make them tonight.

"I do! I just never remembered the name! I tried going to a couple of Mexican restaurants years ago and I don't know if they didn't have them or I didn't explain myself very well, but I could never eat them again ever since we..." Brittany stopped talking once she realized where she was leading the conversation.

Santana softly placed a hand on Brittany's knee and squeezed it slightly, "It's okay, Britt."

Brittany paused before replying. "Is it? I don't want to ruin this..." she said, pointing at the apartment and then at them.

"You won't ruin anything," Santana said, smiling at her. "We can't pretend it never happened, so it's okay to talk about it or mention it, but it doesn't mean anything anymore. We're here now and that's what matters."

Brittany smiled so big, Santana couldn't help but do the same. "Agreed."

Brittany ate her enchiladas really fast and even nodded when Santana asked her if she wanted a bit more.

"I didn't remember you liked them _this _much," Santana teased, although she did remember.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to eat them again."

"I'm glad you could, then."

Brittany nodded excitedly. "This is the best day ever. You, enchiladas, what else could a girl ask for?"

Santana laughed, "You're ridiculous, you know that, right?"

"So I've been told," Brittany said, smiling and leaning in to softly kiss Santana's cheek. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

Brittany shrugged, "Everything. From cooking to being here to forgiving me to giving me another chance."

Santana smiled, grabbing Brittany's hands in her own, rubbing her thumbs over them. "Thank you for being here and wanting another chance."

They sat there for a while, looking into each other's eyes with a goofy grin on their faces. Both of them couldn't really believe it was happening. They were actually spending an evening together, not fighting, not living in the past and actually enjoying their present, together.

Santana was the one to speak up again, "Some ice cream?"

Brittany nodded. "It's cookies and cream."

Santana smiled. "Delicious."

She served them two balls of ice cream each and cleared the tables in front of them before sitting down next to Brittany. She turned on the TV, leaving the same channel that was on and snuggled further into the couch, sighing contently.

"This is nice," she said, grinning up to Brittany.

Brittany nodded in response, placing a soft kiss on top of Santana's head. "Very nice indeed," she said, snuggling closer to Santana, placing an arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer.

Santana smiled, leaning her head against Brittany's shoulder, fitting perfectly. She finished her ice cream soon after, leaving the bowl on the side, wrapping now her free arm around Brittany's waist.

In the meantime, Brittany was waiting for her ice cream to melt before eating it. It was something she always did since she was a little girl. Because she had her arm around Santana she couldn't use the spoon to mix it, so she sat it on her lap for a while waiting for it to melt on its own.

Santana noticed this, knowing the way Brittany liked eating her ice cream. She tried to sit up, so Brittany could eat it properly, but Brittany kept her arm in place, pushing her back to her original position.

"Nuh huh," she said.

"But Britt, your ice cream,"

Santana's head moved up and down as Brittany shrugged, "It's okay, it'll melt eventually."

Santana smiled and relaxed again, moving her hand down to grab the spoon on the bowl.

"I'll help you," she said and as Brittany grabbed onto the bowl, Santana started moving the spoon around it, helping it melt faster.

"Thank you," Brittany said and soon after it was ready for her to eat it. She grabbed the spoon and tried to guide it to her mouth without spilling any, Santana's eyes following the spoon to see if she was going to make it. The first try was successful and Brittany grinned proudly.

"Didn't think you'd make it," Santana said, chuckling.

"Ha! Should've known better," Brittany said, grinning widely.

She kept eating without spilling anything for a while, Santana's eyes going back to the TV until she heard a soft '_uh oh_'. She lifted her head a little bit and looked at Brittany, who was looking at her own chest. Santana's eyes followed hers and she spotted a few drops of ice cream on Brittany's chest, right above her shirt's v-neck, and a bigger trail going down, beneath it.

Before Brittany had the chance to try and grab a napkin from the table, Santana used her index finger to wipe a few drops, then bringing the same finger to her mouth, licking it and _hmm_ing as she did so. It was supposed to be an innocent, maybe a bit playful, move. That was until she felt Brittany swallow harder than usual, her chest not moving anymore as she was holding her breath.

Santana's eyes moved upwards and locked them with Brittany's. They stared at each other for a few seconds, the air around them getting thicker. Santana's stomach tightened and she suddenly wondered what the ice cream would taste like combined with Brittany's skin.

She grabbed the bowl, which was still sitting on Brittany's lap and moved it to the side, leaving it on a table. Before Brittany could even question what she was doing, Santana was straddling her, her legs on each side of Brittany's, their eyes locked.

"Wha-aaaah," Brittany said, her question caught in her throat as she saw Santana lean forward and felt her lips kissing the spot that minutes before had been touched by her finger. A louder moan escaped her lips when she felt Santana's tongue licking the same spot, and then moving further down.

As if on their own, Brittany's hands gripped Santana's waist, leaning her head back to rest against the couch, leaving Santana more space to explore.

"Best..." Santana whispered, licking Brittany's chest, "ice cream..." she licked again, this time closer to her collarbone, "ever..." she finished, the last word an octave lower as she licked Brittany's neck now. She could feel Brittany's grip getting even tighter around her waist, and she didn't think she could get more turned on.

That was until Brittany grabbed the spoon, put some more ice cream on it and poured it over her chest again, this time the melted ice cream rolling further down her shirt.

Santana sit up a little bit, an eyebrow shot up as she looked at Brittany, who only smiled in return.

"Your shirt is going to get ruined, Britt," Santana said, to which Brittany grinned mischievously.

"Then I guess I'll have to take it off..."

Santana's mouth opened as she watched Brittany pull the t-shirt over her head and throw it to the floor. Her eyes immediately fell on her exposed skin, only a black bra covering the rest of her upper body. Santana unconsciously licked her lips, watching the ice cream still rolling down, almost reaching Brittany's belly button.

"You're beautiful..." Santana whispered, almost breathless. Her hands ran up and down Brittany's side, causing the blonde to take a deep breathe. Her skin was so smooth, her stomach was perfect... everything about her was perfect.

It didn't take much longer for Santana to lean back in and kiss Brittany again, the taste of ice cream in their mouths making the kiss even more delicious. She then started kissing her way down again, Brittany's back arching under her touch, moving further into her mouth as Santana's lips traveled down her skin.

She licked every single inch, running the tip of her tongue over her ice cream-covered skin, Brittany's breathing getting heavier at the combination of cold and hot. Santana also kissed and sometimes softly bit her skin, her mouth going everywhere. She could feel Brittany's hands moving from her waist up her sides, until her fingers tangled with her hair, pressing her face down every time she leaned in to kiss and lick.

Once Santana had licked the ice cream all over again, she went to grab the bowl. Brittany tried to reach it as well, hitting Santana's arm in the process, making her knock the bowl towards them, spilling it all over the couch.

"Shit!" Brittany jumped, "I'm sorry!"

Santana quickly stood up, looking around to find something to clean the mess with. "It's okay Britt, don't worry," she said, still trying to recover from what she had been doing seconds ago.

Brittany stood up, trying to stop the ice cream from moving further into the couch with her hands. Santana stopped and looked at her, chuckling softly. "Britt, leave it," she said, placing a hand softly on the blonde's arm, pulling her away from the mess. "I'll clean it up," she said, handing her a few napkins to clean her hands.

Brittany nodded and looked at her apologetically, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Relax..." Santana said, walking over to her and unwrapping her arms, wrapping them around herself. She kissed her collarbone, her proximity reminding her -as if it were necessary- that she was still wearing only just a bra. She was ready to start kissing her skin again when Brittany's hands on her shoulders stopped her.

Santana looked up at her, frowning. "I guess that was a sign," Brittany said, pointing at the couch.

"A sign? Of what?"

"I should go," Brittany said, smiling slightly.

"I... wha... why?"

"Remember that take things slow thing?"

Santana rolled her eyes playfully, "Yeah, you keep bringing it up..."

"I just don't want you to regret anything," Brittany said shyly.

"Britt, I'm a big girl, I know what I'm doing."

Brittany blushed despite herself, "Yeah, no, I know that..."

Santana smirked. "Then, what's the problem?"

"I want it to be right..."

"It _is_ right, Britt... or are you...?" she trailed off, wondering whether this was about her at all.

"No, no. God, no," Brittany said reassuringly, "I just want it to be perfect."

Santana narrowed her eyes, wondering why it should be such a big deal. It's not like they had never slept together before.

Brittany took a step closer, cupping her face and leaning in to kiss her softly. "I promise it'll be worth the wait," she whispered before kissing her again.

Santana smiled, "Okay. If not, you'll have to make it up to me."

Brittany laughed, "No problem." She reached for her shirt and pulled it over her head, back on. She gave one last look at Santana before turning around and leaving.

Santana ran a hand through her hair, looking around and finally starting to clean up the couch. She was going to have to keep herself busy if she didn't want to go insane.

Brittany was going to be the end of her. She knew that for sure.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for the patience! I really am sorry for the long wait and I hope it doesn't happen again. Thank you for still reading and for reviewing, I love to hear what you guys think.**

**Also, I think we're probably nearing the end of this fic. It'll probably be a couple more before it's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the rest of it as well :)**


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